Tough Day & Feeling Unworthy

[LwaxanaTroi]

Hi @tyme thanks for responding!

I think my strengths are probably my kindness? Not really sure what else at the moment, but that's probably because I'm feeling so down. If pressed I guess maybe creativity or something?

I spend a lot of time alone or at work (dissociating because I work in hospo) so that is probably why I have let my brain get this mean to me. 😩

[tyme]

Kindness can go SUCH a long way @LwaxanaTroi . That's a strength that can certainly be nurtured and cultivated.

Am I right in saying, you don't really enjoy your job and that's why you tend to dissociate? Do you feel safe in your workplace? I'm mindful that it can be a very stressful job, and sometimes, let's just say that staff may not be treated as they should? (Not all places though)

[LwaxanaTroi]

Hi @Jynx ‌‌, I've been here (Sydney) just a bit over two years. I guess I have acquaintances through previous jobs, and potentially even at my new work, but I just don't know how to hang out with people anymore it feels like, I feel like that must sound silly- but just like you said- there are seemingly a lot of societal barriers to connection with others. (I laugh as I type this alone in my apartment overlooking the park where I could very easily try to meet others, yet I do not feel like I have the energy to be up to the task... Hospo work takes a lot out of me emotionally (new discovery! had no idea for far too long ha.🙃😑😩) but it seriously seems so hard sometimes...

But if like you said, I WASN'T feeling so dang vulnerable- I would be ideally having a walk and hoping to at least be outside, if not open to petting a dog or having a conversation. But instead, I feel so much safer inside streaming old TV shows and embroidering or painting. Sometimes I really really hate that humans are social creatures. I know I can do the song and dance well at work, and sometimes I actually enjoy it- but there is so much peace it seems like in being alone. haha I feel so guilty for feeling that way, but it somehow feels more relaxing.

Anyway, I appreciate your response and time ❤️ 

[tyme]

Look @LwaxanaTroi , don't be so hard on yourself. The fact that you are connecting here on the forums shows that you are exercising your social skills. I'd rather socialise on the forums than out at the park or the real world. 

For me, the social skills I've learnt on the forums, I've been able to transfer these to the real world. It sounds odd, but it's pretty awesome. For example, when I was a new member on the forums, there were times I had to navigate conflict and challenges on the forums. It's helped me so much in the real world. 

Also, if you are working in hospo, when you come home, probably the last thing you want is to be around more people!

I get that!

Happy to hang and chill with you here if you are free 🙂

[LwaxanaTroi]

Hey @tyme

I really hope my kindness remains one of my strengths sometimes it feels difficult.

I actually can enjoy my job at times but I feel like life is so overwhelming right now that I just don't have the bandwidth to be genuine with people so it feels really fake and miserable lately. It is a pretty busy cafe and I know I am not TERRIBLE at my job, but I have been struggling and making silly mistakes I should be better than. I guess it can be stressful at times but usually people treat me fairly well. I hid behind a manager for a really big mistake today and I felt so ashamed because I used to be his position or higher in restaurants back home, but I just don't have any energy to actually do well at work it seems (well, today I was sick)

I guess I just feel I should be more competent in the service industry because I'm from the states and I am internalizing that a lot, I'm not sure.

[Jynx]

@LwaxanaTroi nah doesn't sound silly at all. I think it's actually pretty reflective of our current social context - that not only is it hard to find spaces to meet people, but I think there's this underlying sense of fear and paranoia that means we also don't feel as confident to approach a stranger and just... open our hearts to em! 

But hey, I am right there with you on finding a lot of peace when alone. No need to feel guilty for feeling pleasure or contentment, just because it's not 'what is done' or whatever! I think like anything it's about balance... and you can probably feel when it's peaceful isolation vs. lonely isolation, ya know? 

[LwaxanaTroi]

@Jynx unfortunately I realize it's a very lonely isolation and it leads to making my mental health worse than it even naturally is. 😖 I guess that is why I am reaching out online for the first time in a long time. 

I really appreciate everyone being so welcoming. It means a lot. ❤️  

[Gremlin24]

@LwaxanaTroi there is absolutely no shame in reaching out for support. Whether we realise it or not we all need human connection in one way or another. 

You are always welcome here ❤️

[tyme]

Hey @LwaxanaTroi ,

We've all had our own lived experience of this loneliness and heartache. 

We are real people with real experiences and hope the connection will support you in navigating the challenges of life 🙂

[Jynx]

Aww hugs @LwaxanaTroi 🫂🫂 that can be such a tough thing to realise/admit!!! We're here for ya any time 😊💜

I'm skedaddling for the evening but I'm glad we got to chat!! Hopefully will have another opportunity all too soon 😉

Night to you too @Gremlin24 🤗💜