Support network

[NameNotTaken]

I am 22 years old. I have a diagnosis of BPD.

My support network consists of Mum, Z (sister), my dog and cat.

Does anyone have and deal with the fear that you are bringing your support network down? I am so afraid of them leaving yet at the sametime I want them to leave. I feel horrified to keep doing this to them. 

They have sat with me after I tried to commit suicide, I feel like I have to keep achiving this 'better' it's just hard that as you keep moving forward when you have this fear, anxiety, depression about the people around you.

I think I need a break from them. It's hard though when these people are you only support in the world. 

[STORMGRL101]

Hi @NameNotTaken
I hear you. Just wondering if you have a GP that you see who could be included in your support network? Also a psychologist?
Thinking of you.

[Former-Member]

I feel like this everyday. I feel as though I can't stand myself how can others stand me. How can the put up with me and stand with me 24-7. I personally don't think we will ever be able to understand why they do and how they do what they do.

I fully understand wanting a break to. For me it's I want them to rest and I just want space. I want to be dependent on myself. No one else in my eyes needs a support team I can do life on my own. (Truly everyone needs a support team, mental illness or no mental illness)

But one thing we both need to remember we are both extremely lucky we have people fighting for us because a lot don't. And I forget that a lot.

Hope this makes sense xxx

[NameNotTaken]

@STORMGRL101 I do have a GP and a social worker however because I live in a small town there are no psychologists or psychiatrists unless I can travel 2 hours and pay over $200. Being almost homebound makes that impossible 

*well there are about 3 psychologists in town and my GP refuses since they never really deal with cases like mine. 

[NameNotTaken]

@Former-Member It's so hard because I know I am slowly killing them, this isn't s joke it's the truth. Mum has Diabetes and High blood pressure.

I hate myself more and more everyday. 

[Former-Member]

Your not killing them. If you are worried about them there is articles on line for dealing with people with BPD and how to look after them self.

[Former-Member]

Hi @NameNotTaken,

I understand that you are feeling concerned about pushing your family away. It sounds like you really value them as supports.

I agree with @Former-Member, I dont think your killing them either but perhaps if your family had some support as well this may help to alleviate some of this worry that you have around "bringing them down" as you mentioned.

There is some information that I could link you to if you feel this would be helpful. Let me know your thoughts

[NameNotTaken]

I Called a support here in town and there is a group that meets up once a month for mental health carers and mum is planning on going and she's thinking about seeing a psychologist here. I brokedown last night and she said she'll talk to the GP about it.

I can't help but feel like a problem. Mum has done this walk before with my older sister who has a physical illness (she was in a wheelchair for 3 years). It's just hard since mum still is coming to terms with the fact mental illness is real and I'm not doing it for attention. She is slowly getting there.

I have to say though my sister Z is brilliant, she never judges me and is so accepting. She keeps helping mum come to terms with the fact what I am going through is real, it's basically like my brain is sick.

Without these supports I would probably not have made as much progress. It's just hard since I have made so many healthier steps but have fallen back.

I talked to my social worker and I am feeling a lot better. It's ok to move backwards in treatment just so long as I keep trying to move forward.

I just feel so proud to have them in my life as my supports. Mum and Z make is easier to keep moving but at the same point I feel horrible.

Z has decided to also ask about counselling. Because it seems like there is a lot of work a head of me and it they need support too.

Thanks for the support everyone 🙂 

One step at a time