Sitting in ashes

[Gillie1]

I wake this morning sitting in the ashes of my life. I still have people who matter and who care, but my life my hopes my dreams my future and my present have been burnt to ashes by people who didn't listen, didn't think, didn't care. 

I won't stay in the ashes, at some point I'll be able to stand and move and start again but now, I need to sit here in these ashes and take stock.

There is no point in moving forward any direction if it's just going to go up in flames again. I just don't have the energy for that. There's no assurance that any direction is safer than another. While people are not being upfront about what they are doing there is no assurance they won't do it again.

So here I sit watching the ashes swirl in the wind waiting for a sign. I choose to stay here for now.

Not forever but for now because in the ashes I don't have expectations to be broken. Hope to be destroyed, trust to be broken. In the ashes there is peace.

[Kyle1]

"Expect nothing and be fulfilled"

@Gillie1 

[Gillie1]

@Kyle1 

For now yes. Not forever. 

[Kyle1]

reminds me of the book of Job. 

@Gillie1 

[Gillie1]

Job was tested because he was so perfect. Lol. I ain't Job

[Kyle1]

Job was a phoenix

[Gillie1]

That's a nice thought.

[Owlunar]

Aw @Gillie1 

That is tough - sitting there and looking at the ashes and taking stock. Wondering if anything is worthwhile after you have been let down by so many - I hear you.

You know - the first part of a new life probably comes from taking stock of the ashes. New life springs out of ashes. Don't worry about that now - let yourself heal a bit and let your mind rest - feel your feelings and I already get that you are pretty honest with yourself.

As trite as it sounds - let time pass - and it always will. Feel the peace in the ashes. 

The ashes won't go up in flames right now - they will most likely swirl away. Right now don't have the energy to start something else - you need to grieve what you have lost. 

I wish you the best - I really do care about you.

Owlunar.

[Appleblossom]

@Gillie1 

The 'moving on ron' mentality is counterproductive when we have not even figured out what is going on yet.  Sometimes the 'moving on ron' types are actually part of a deeper problem, and not looking at their part in it.  Anyway that was the case with an aunt of mine.  

Also there is the honouring of the self, and the time it takes fully feel.

My brother and I watched an old B&W Chinese movie about a phoenix.  He was mesmerised by the phoenix symbolism and I was mesmerised by him.

[Kyle1]

@Gillie1 

https://youtu.be/mFyHvTzCpUk