Retirement (mental health)

[MJG017]

@Explorer7I feel like my feelings and intellect are always fighting it out for control.  They certainly always seem to have opposite ideas, especially when the feelings want to give in to the fear and anxiety while the intellect says "... and how does that usually work out?!"

Focusing on helping others, whether its with mental health or their own cancer diagnosis, i've found it's the only thing that really helps me and gives me any sense of purpose anymore.  Even if it's just getting involved in volunteering some time to shae my experiences and feedback to help other people with research and studies into improving current services.

I think I've always had a good grip on the differences between loneliness and solitude.  I used to enjoy my solitude a lot more.  I grew up enjoying things I could so alone, mainly out of necessity, but I enjoyed doing them and this continued throughout my life.  I also enjoying doing things with other people, but that became less and less as I got older and now it all seems far too much loneliness where even the solitude just feels like it has merged with the loneliness and they're now indistinguishable and certainly don't feel different from each other like they used to.

[tyme]

Oooh @chibam ... interesting. Has something special happened in life? (LOL. No pressure to answer.) I'm just happy and excited to see you pop by.

[Explorer7]

Tx @MJG017 

I've experienced what you described re feelings v intellect. Feelings won for many months and I had to get professional support. That, and the love of family got me through.

I volunteered with Lifeline during this time, and listening to or speaking with the callers, helped put things into perspective. The opportunity to volunteer also provided me with some structure for my weeks. And their training was excellent.

Is what you referred to earlier, "With a friend, I've recently started a support group that is going well, had a MCHP, joined a couple of mental health support groups, even recently did an ASIST (suicide intervention training) workshop." something you can add to? BTW what is a MCHP?

I have noticed that in retirement I've had to become much more responsible for managing the structure of my weeks, and my life whereas when I was working, that was not so much the case. That is, I had to be somewhere and at certain times, on a regular basis, and there was always something needing to be done, managed or led. In retirement, that impetus and those sources of purpose largely disappear.

[chibam]

@Explorer7  Yeah, I think that in it's original meaning, "retire" just means "go to bed", doesn't it? (Hence the "retire to" phrasing you mentioned)

I mean it's only in modern times that the now-common definition of retirement has come into existence. In pre-industrial times, everybody just kept doing their jobs until they died. Our concept of retirement simply didn't exist.

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@Explorer7 wrote:

How did you find yourself in retirement?

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School ended, and I was just never given a job afterwards. I thought everybody got jobs when they became adults and left school. Never even imagined that it just wouldn't happen for me.

Lot of other factors stirred into that, such as supposed "friends" circulating rumors that I didn't need a job because I had too much money (which was total B.S. - I had a small amount of share money coming in that was way below the poverty line and that was all).

I guess I had that coming. I unintentionally did wrong by them while we were in school, so I guess payback was due.

But all the same it feels like there's more to it then that... more that I simply just don't understand.

I think the essence of it is that I'm not the sort of person who people like. Whatever it is about me just puts people off.

I often think about characters like HitIer and Charles Manson and how people often ask "How ever did they talk other people into doing such extreme, horrible things on their behalf?" and the answer that generally comes back is "Well, they were very charismatic..."

Meanwhile, here I am, and I can't even get the people around me to do commonplace, positive favors for me like set me up in a relationship with one of their single friends, or set me up with a job. Friends do these sorts of favors for one another all the time; but it never happens for me.

If the charismatic person is the one who can get others to do the most extreme and unthinkable favors for them, then I guess you'd have to say I'm riddled with anti-charisma, seeing as I can't even get people to do the most ordinary of favors for me. I think that's my problem.

[chibam]

Thanks, @tyme .🙂

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@tyme wrote:

Oooh @chibam ... interesting. Has something special happened in life? (LOL. No pressure to answer.) I'm just happy and excited to see you pop by.

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No, not really.

I do stop by the forums pretty much every day, but it's just that it's been a while since I've spotted a topic come up that I thought I might have something to contribute to.

[tyme]

Nice @chibam . Well you are more than welcome 🙂

[Explorer7]

Here are some notes from Enjoying Retiremement: An Australian Handbook of Ideas, Strategies, and Resources, by Michael Longhurst (2018), about what can make for a good retirement, and some comments about the retirement experience. I've *asterisked* the items that resonate with me.

*Engaging in purposeful activities > 5 hours a week*

Exercise, diet, regular check ups

Retiring according to one’s plans increases the likelihood of satisfaction with the experience of retirement

Social networks disappear virtually overnight

Retirees should maintain relationships with family and friends

*At the top end of the scale of retirement satisfaction were those people who regarded retirement as an adventure and who were involved in regular activities that were either creative, or which involved the production of goods or services*

*Common tendency of people to find that their attitudes to life fluctuate from + to – for up to 5 years from starting retirement*

*You need to be a professional manager in retirement. Regard yourself as small business with goals, a mission statement.*

Have a routine to differentiate weekends from weekdays, otherwise everything becomes grey

Keep alive intellectually; understand the wider issues impacting society—otherwise you relinquish your professionalism.

Plan to have something to do at four levels: 1 physical, 2 mental, 3 social, and 4 spiritual (a religion or your personal code)

Importance of contributing and belonging

Have a life of your own; don’t be an “on call” babysitter

Leave a firm, leave culture and values—motivation to keep in regular contact with former work colleagues typically diminishes over time

Do things you are interested in and ensure you understand issues outside your own four walls

Where high-performing individuals are used to working under pressure, they will often find the sudden absence of work pressure to be stressful

*After retirement I felt awkward when meeting people because I had lost my old patter. It really knocked my self-confidence.*

Others were less religious but valued membership of a church because of the social life, and the network of caring people who were there for each other in times of need. Comment: When I was depressed I started attending my partner's church, not because I was religious, but because I enjoyed listening to the sermons and learning about the philosophy of the church. I also enjoyed singing the hyms, with rest of the congregation. I found singing to be good for my soul and during this time was also a member of a non-church related social choir.

For some people, the management of their income became a purposeful activity in itself.

[rav3n]

@Explorer7 even though i'm far from retirement, this was really interesting points to read - thanks for sharing! i especially like "You need to be a professional manager in retirement. Regard yourself as small business with goals, a mission statement," never thought of retirement in that way, a great mindset to have!

[Explorer7]

A somewhat morose 2013 article from the BBC, on whether retirement can do you in.

Here are a few topical extracts:

"In the first year of retirement, health actually improved — “It’s nice to get some rest from work,” he said — but two to three years later retirees’ mental and physical conditions began deteriorating."

"Other studies have shown similar results. Between 1992 and 2005, Dhaval Dave, an associate professor of economics at Bentley University in Waltham, Massachusetts, looked at 12,000 Americans and found that, on average, people experience some sort of ailment within six years of retiring.

"Hypertension, heart disease, stroke and arthritis are common physical ailments, Dave said. He, too, found that depression increased after retirement."

Here's the good news:

"When Prosen, the psychiatrist, looks around at his friends and acquaintances, the healthiest still work, volunteer or live an active and social life, he said."

"That, say researchers, is the key to staying healthy mentally and physically well into retirement. Retirees must fill the social and physical activity gap the end of work leaves, transitioning into activities that keep them stimulated, Dave said. It can help to move to a community with other retirees, where social interaction can continue unabated or where there are organised activities, lectures and get-togethers."

[Eve7]

Thanks for this thread @Explorer7 . I retired at the beginning of this year and it’s been all downhill since. I won’t elaborate but I am very much interested in what is being said so keep up the helpful hints.