Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[ZP_QM]

This is my first post. I am a support person for my husband who has recently been diagnosed with PTSD. He has been consistently disregulated, suicidal and self harming for close to 6mo now. We weren’t aware that what he was experiencing with PTSD for some months. We had thought that it was his life-long self esteem/worth issues escalating. Regardless, these last few months have taken their toll. 

He started fortnightly therapy some months ago. But realised the therapist wasn’t the right fit and has moved to a new therapist in recent weeks. 

The only true respite he is getting from his symptoms is from me. But this takes my full, undivided and complete attention/focus. I want to help, I want to give him the care and empathy he deserves, but we also have children and jobs that need attention too. Not to mention any consideration for taking time for myself. I am, quite simply, exhausted. 

We have periods of weeks where I can give him the 100% focus he needs and things are good. He’s happier, engaged, and even jovial at times. But the moment I step back or take time for myself he spirals out of control again. He’s not developed any coping mechanisms for himself. At least not healthy ones (drinking, self harm, over eating). He is either recovering with my full focus, or he is spiralling downward. 

I cannot maintain this. I am exhausted. My needs aren’t being met. And I won’t even scrape the surface of our intimacy and romance. 

Is it a case of waiting for him slowly (at a glacial pace) build the coping skills he needs? Or is it appropriate to explore inpatient support?

I am needing to know where he is at all times, to make sure he’s safe. My life revolves around more or less supervising him at all times: even accompanying him on all of his business trips. Is this just my life for the foreseeable future?

[RiverSeal]

Hi @ZP_QM 

Welcome to the Forums and thank you for posting here!

It sounds like you are dealing with a lot and caring for your husband with PTSD. You are supporting him really well and you are demonstrating that you really care for him. And I understand you are exhausted not having your needs met so this is creating some challenges for you. 

I hope your husband has a better relationship with the new therapist he recently changed to. Professional relationships with support are like any other relationships and we need to like and get along with them. I do encourage your husband to give it some time with the new therapist as it can take time to build trust and understand someone.

There are some carer supports and resources that you might find beneficial so I will list a few below:

• Services and support | Carers NSW
• Flyer_for_carers_Are_you_caring_for_someone.pdf (nsw.gov.au)
• Carer Connections Helpline  - Mental Health Carers NSW
• Helpful Helplines for Carers - Carer Help

You will benefit from caring for yourself and asking for help as you have done by reaching out on the Forums. People can recover so your efforts so far have been well placed but people with MH issues need to want to change and seek out support for themselves to recover. Putting yourself first when you need to is the right thing to do if you need it and it's not selfish to do so.

Please continue to reach out on the Forums and try posting in some other spaces or getting involved in discussions.

Take care

RiverSeal