Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[CherryBomb]

@Impala, one our our moderators @Hobbit works at ARAFMI. He'll be on tomorrow, so if you're around have chat with him then to find out more. 

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Impala ,

It sounds like you are doing all that you can. It is OK to do things for you. This is so important. As the old saying goes, 'before you can love someone, you need to love yourself first.' If you're not looking after you, then who else is? It can be helpful to establish boundaries to not only care for yourself but to also care for your mother. 

@GivingMick @Alessandra1992 @wordsofmah  any advice about boundaries and caring for others?

[GivingMick]

As a past sufferer of anxiety, I can say your worry is because you think too much about everything and anything. But I recommend not letting IT control you! You can, and should see a counsellor at your local health centre.
Talking through stuff, everyday troubles of life, with a person who is understanding of your problem. Does really work! Any problem at all that makes you feel anxious, can be reasoned with. After my sessions with the counsellor, I felt the weight lift off of my shoulders. I left each time confident, and with a smile on my face! I hope you can do counselling, to aid you in helping your mother. And to show everyone you are capable of living a happy life.
I agree with an above post, that it would be best to get yourself better, then you could talk to your mum easier to have her agree to do what is needed. A plan of some type.

[Alessandra1992]

Hi Impala, I agree with givingmick and cherry bomb. You need to nourish and invest in your own relationships, on your terms that allow you to not become stressed and exhausted. Good on you for keeping contact with yr mum, and just ignore her jibes.
Going for a walk and taking a packed lunch is pretty cheap and you can enjoy the scenery..maybe that's something you could do with your mum?
Spending time together shouldn't equal spending money necessarily, galleries and window shopping at free and a cup of coffee is often one of life's little pleasures for change our view, getting out of the house and deciding which coffee shop to try and whether to get a take away or have at the cafe.

[Hobbit]

Hi @Impala ,

Hope you are going OK tonnight. All I can say is that any support group you go to is exactly that - a group simply there to support you. 

You don't have to say anything if you don't want to - sometimes just listening to other people cane help.

Why don't you give ARAFMI NSW a call on 02 9332 0700 (their Carer Connections line) and see if they can direct you to a group close by to where you live.

You might also want to give Carers NSW a call on 1800 242 636. Their website is also here

Hobbit..

[Sister]

Had a little cry reading all your posts. I don't know a lot about bipolar but I have experience with looking after someone who is sick and refusing all help to get better. Please don't let yourself feel guilty about the situation. None of it is your fault. Sadly none of it is your mums fault either. She has an illness and like any illness she doesn't choose to be this way, she probably doesn't like her life or feeling the way she feels and she needs help and medication to feel better. Sometimes I would get frustrated at my brother for not helping himself with his depression but I had to keep reminding myself it's because he is sad scared and just feeling so hopeless he doesn't feel any hope for his future or any hope that he can feel any better. All you can do is be there to love her and support her. Show her that you need her in your life and gently encourage her to seek help because what she has really is an illness. It's not your mum doing these things, it's her illness and there truly is hope for her to feel better. I wish I could give you a big hug because it sounds like you are having a hard time. You and your sister are doing a wonderful job and your mum is very lucky to have you both. My brother has eventually sought help for his depression and he has started taking medication and will soon start seeing a psychologist. By gently encouraging him that there is hope for him he has finally started seeing some semblence of hope for himself. It's a long road but I really hope things start looking up for you x

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Impala @Sister @GivingMick 

Just a quick post to let you that next week on the 25 November we will be holding Topic Tuesday. This month we're discussing what to do when someone we love won't seek help the way we would like them to. I understand that some of you may be going through this or have been through it before so it might be good to share some of your experiences on what can be done. 

Hope to see you there! 

CB

[Impala]

Hi @CherryBomb I am interested but I will be at work until around 8pm so I won't be able to 😞 Will I still be able to read what was discussed later? Because I really would like to.

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Impala,

That's a pity you can't make it. But the conversation will be available, and if you have any questions you'd like to ask just let me know and I will foward it on. 

CB

[mountain]

hi Impala,

I would just like to say "thank you" and send you a hug for your sharing.  I am new to this site and reading your post really helped.

Though my situation is different in many ways the feelings I feel are the same as yours - re responsiblility, anger, can't take it anymore, don't want this in my life any more, so you aren't alone.  Your are not horrible!   If you were, then so am I and I don't believe I am horrible.   At the moment I am just tired and overwhelmed. 

When I am like this I see a counsellor to support ME in living with the bipolar person that I care for.  If you are on a pension/helath care card of any sort I  would like to suggest you go to your doctor and see if you can get a Mental Health Care Plan for yourself.  This intitles you to 6 free sessions with a private counsellor.   This could be a way that you achieve some healing yet at the same time you aren't confronted with a social situation.

Wishing you relief from the place you are in and encouragement to find the help you need to do so.  Remember you are not alone.