Over The Edge

[Former-Member]

Just read your post @Faith-and-Hope - thank you. I will try and self care. My heart feels so heavy and just wants to do nothing - but I will try cross stitching as that usually helps calm things a little in me. Hopefully tomorrow will be better at the shop. Thank you my friend for being there and for caring 💕xxx

[Maggie]

We love you to @Former-Member. I'm cross stitching at the moment to, it blocks the internal voices. Take care.

[Zoe7]

@Former-Member I certainly don't have any answers for you my friend. As you know - my life continues to be 'controlled' by 'others'. When the source of your own grief is family - it certainly does compund the problems. I know your daughter is a grown woman but to you she will always be your little girl - the one you want to nurture, care for and protect - that does not change because she is older! The hardest thing for a parent must be seeing how a child is suffering - I cannot fully relate - I can only empathise with how I have felt when I have seen the kids I teach or my fur babies in pain - the feeling that there is nothing you can do is demoralising - so for it to be your own child - I can only imagine the helplessness you feel at times. I could say that this is her life and her 'mistakes' to make - but I also know a little of your history and know that 'circumstances' have lead her down this path - and this is not a path that is easy to get off - that I can say from experience! I wish I could tell you she will find a way 'out' and back to you but that is not your reality at the moment. Maybe all you can do is continue to love her and in turn find the love within yourself for yourself. ...and I think it was you who once told me to cherish all the little things in your day that bring you some happiness - because at the end of the day - that is all we can really control

[Faith-and-Hope]

🤗💕 @Former-Member ....

[Maggie]

[Former-Member]

@Maggie@Zoe7@Faith-and-Hope 🌹thank you 💜

@Zoe7 - you hit the nail on the head - helplessness watching those we love suffer. Thats what is triggering this. And it's not a easy road to come off. I just have to believe she will somehow....Yes, the good things is what gives the balance. I will refocus on this. You would of been a great teacher and still are 💜xx

[Zoe7]

That is just beautiful @Maggie 

@Former-Member my work here is done then LOL

It is not an easy road for either of you - your daughter cannot even see the path she is on which inevitably makes those helpless feelings even more heightened for you - and you cannot change her thinking or her being without adding to it - 'We do not know what we do not know and we cannot see what we do not see'  - this is something I am constantly trying to convey to my colleagues in regards to our kids when they get frustrated with behaviours of our children that are not changing - just like your daughter, these kids cannot see past the moment they are in because they do not have the skills yet to look beyond the moment and see what consequences their actions will have - and it is so much harder to learn these skills as an adult (and that is only after one has actually identified there is a problem!)

Strength and love to you my friend... here with you. 

[Former-Member]

hello @Former-Member

just wrote  comments on my circle of trust thread to get it out of my head but not bother others

the depression is completely devouring me

i know so well how you are feeling re depression

also know the comments about why are you not happy, you have so much

for me guilt is steeping in now after spending 8 weeks overseas, husband back here, working

i return irritable, now depressed. dont feel like cooking, am eating rubbish blech blech blech

fix/ failure? move on? weak? get over????????????? all vocabulary in the book of depression

so I say to you, that you are none of the above negatives. You have gone from strength to strength

perhaps might be a tad tired after being so strong and soldiering on

can i say this to myself, am trying, old habits die hard.............have to break the thought process

as for happy dont think i like that word anymore has too high expectation will come up with an alternative when the mind lands back in oz.

[Former-Member]

That rings true @Zoe7 My daughter does not seem to be aware that there are consequences for her actions, which bewilders me as she keeps making the same mistakes (e.g. Keeps getting involved with abusers and becomes more hurt) and does not seem to learn from it. I thought she would be running from such people by now as once bitten twice shy? I don't get it. This is the distressing part for me as a mother. I suffered child abuse and was somewhat self destructive when very young in ways - but if abused I would move away. She goes back for more. This is so distressing to watch.  I don't think she realises at all the suffering we are going through - she is oblivious to it all. 

She is also totally irresponsible - can't seem to budget or even pay tax and she is getting into a lot of trouble. We have been told not to help her or she will become worse and manipulate us. What a mess. 

Its getting to the stage where we will have to live apart as I can't do anything to help her (that's part of the helplessness) - she doesn't listen and it's having such negative effects on me mentally. But I am uncertain how she will cope mentally and financially. So I worry.  I feel like it's "a no way out situation" but can't accept that, it has to work out somehow. I just can't see how at the moment. Very hard.

I am doing my upmost not to let it stop me fulfilling my own personal goals or chasing my dreams. It just seems grief always clouds it. I would love to be free of it for good. I do get reprieve when engaging in the good things in my life and staying busy. I see you all as part of that good. You are worth more than you all know and I am so grateful for your much appreciated support. Your work is not over by a long shot - you offer much. But I do understand how hard it can be only too well. Always here for you too 💜xxx

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member - thank you for your lovely words. I am so sorry to read you are suffering similarly with depression. I can relate to what you are going through and I think I can as to why too. Grief.

I have trouble doing things when like that as well - I seem to always be forcing, pushing like everything is uphill. But I can feel proud of myself once I do it and that gives me a temporary high (which feels great). But soon enough the reality of my situation hits and back down I am doing it all over again.  I was deep down hoping the trip overseas may distract you and help. But it seems to have added to your stress. I am hoping things may pick up for you when you have a chance to adjust. Always hoping as I care for you.

I know happiness can seem unreachable, unobtainable given the amount of grief, distress and sadness - but if we keep trying perhaps it will sneak up on us out of the blue one day? That's how I am thinking. But for now its about survival. I am desperately trying to fix my mind - trying everything I can as I do want peace so bad. Not just for me but for you @Zoe7@Faith-and-Hope@Maggie@Adge and others . A tall order, but that's my dream. But I need to get myself out of this depression to help towards that. I am willing to do anything within my power to obtain this. So it's not from a lack of wanting it. It's the emotional torture. I just can't see clearly my way at the moment. So I am fumbling in the dark. You lovely people are lighting a torch.

Emotional support through these times makes all the difference between succeeding or failing. I don't believe we can do it alone. So to say thank you just doesn't seem enough.