Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[KM75]

Hi again,
How are things going for you @Curlybeach80?
We are surviving ok - although I was feeling relieved that things seemed back on track and he was getting better and now he has had another crash so trying not to be too frustrated or disappointed - it is a long process...
My husband is on antidepressants and has been for many years - I am wondering if it is worth talking to his GP about whether this is working for him as well as it could be, but that may depend on what he wants to engage with on that front!! I find it easy to get caught up in the "something is not right lets try and fix it..." Which doesn't necessarily work for him. It can seem two steps forward and two (or three) steps back...

[hopeandsupport]

This all sounds so familiar.  Having been through it many years ago.  I wish I had left my husband at least after my youngest was born.  When you are looking after young children and you have a husband who doesn't appreciate what you do and you're walking on eggshells all the time so you don't upset him, life becomes very unpredictable.  The only way I got though was because I had my family around.  Eventually we divorced after the children had grown up.  It sounds as through you are starting to get some relief with daycare etc.  My only other suggestion is not to forget about yourself, if you're not already working outside the home that is.  It's important to have some financial security of your own just in case.  I wish I had made my husband more accountable, made him get help and put up boundaries that he wasn't to cross.  He put doubts in my mind too and I am still dealing with them today.  You are doing a great job, your husband is an adult (supposedly) you can encourage him but he needs to take responsibility for his own mental health too.

[Curlybeach80]

Hello both

Sorry to hear about your experiences. We have definitely had a much better week which always makes the weekends a bit better to be honest. I'm generally fine during the week as I don't really see it as much.

Still struggling to deal with anger a lot of the time - the simple upsets like "why didn't alarm go off!"

The other major thing is that the relationship between our kids are changing. They only want me which is upsetting him and I think is pulling him further away 😞

On a positive note though - we're talking and he is letting me read his daily diary.

I'm so sorry to hear things didn't work out with your husband. I do still have hope that one day we'll be sitting together in our 70's and looking back on this part of life as one of those 'patches' but the biggest thing I've learnt is you have no idea what is around the corner.

And I'm now thinking this is one of the worse diseases on the planet!

Thanks for the updates 😉
Hope next week brings you a bit of happiness

[Appleblossom]

It is interesting that sending an email whilst living in the same household works.  it gives distance and is there for later.  I send emails to my son who lives with me. Some of them he takes up. I never know which will be beneficial and which he will ignore so I just keep doing it in a low key way.

I am thinking of getting counselling from Carers Vic about boundaries in the house .. I just am totally hopeless at knowing what normal people think is acceptable in the home.

[Curlybeach80]

I'm not entirely sure that normal actually exists 🙂

[Appleblossom]

I know that intellectually. As I did math I find it easy to talk about bell curves and ranges of behaviour.  Because of the severity of my childhood and marriage issues I have no idea what are "reasonable" expectations or requests. In a weird way I thought my childhood WAS normal, I am still coming to terms with fact that very few people  can actually relate to the severity of the things I have experienced.

Its ok I dont need to use your thread for my particular issues but trying to give encouragement and its been nice chatting.

[debo]

Wow...I can relate to your pain curly. Ive been married for six years now and I know its not easy with a husband who doesn't try to help you. I wasn't making him happy with the way I am...so I was almost going to divorce him coz I wanted to see him happy. Then he came back to my life and we started telling each other our weaknesses and that we needed each others support to help us grow in love. He agreed n he is trying to change now. God will bring a break through in some way ... just wait for his intervention. He'll make u do something

[Curlybeach80]

Thanks - nice to know there's more of us out there. This whole experience I now believe is bringing us closer together. We've had a good week this week - lots of talking which I think helps. Our TV broke too!! So we could only talk 🙂
Our latest struggle is to find the correct medication.

[debo]

Why dont you try some activity that would help you just concentrate on life more than trying to correct him. Like I'm concentrating on my swimming classes and practicing the same at home. Since we are in Canada, we got in built by the Solda Pools in Toronto. But you would find so many like them in Australia too. Im just trying it....not sure if it'll help me in a long run.

[trihard]

hey Curlybeach

My heart goes out to you. My niece is in a similar position with 2 under 2 and a husband not able (or willing?) to really help himself or with the kids. Im going to encourage her to get on this site as a lot of what you say is like listening to her.

Its worth trying to hang in there; perhaps you will be laughing at your grandchildren together one day. Ive been with my husband for over 30 years. He is alcoholic and suffers with anxiety but weve had lots of good times and now that our kids are raised I have more time to nurture me and him. Mind you Ive been lucky that he has never given up on himself and makes constant efforts to be the best he can. 

Good luck and believe in yourself and your decisions.

hey