Borderline problems

[Ferret3123]

4 year ago I ended a reply bad relationship. I couldn't tell you all the details because we'd be here for hours otherwise but it was a turmoil of emotional and mental abuse. I love him but he didn't love me he knew and was I knew he didn't and was cheating on me but I didn't care. My the time 4 years was up I was tired of it and ended it. Over 6 year later and he sent me a message last night stating that he was going to n his life if I sent go back to him. He's done this in the past and it's for attention when he doesn't get what he wants but I ended up breaking down it didn't help that I had just polished off a whole bottle so to say I was a mess is an understatement. I hate being single and did debate going back to him but part of me says I'd be going back to a horrible suitation and this time with a 6 year old (not his child btw that's another traumatic relationship story) my mum doesn't understand and just kept saying just be happy with yourself. Of course I snapped (arhh alcohol the curse of spokeness lol) and said that's not how borderline works and that she would know that if she just read or look it up anywhere. I've tried telling her that to that threat that got to me but the emotional pain he caused me for four years and still thinks that's ok to do to do ( I'm use to that threat by other friends so)  I've tired showing her articles an books I've tried explaining stuff to her but to no avail will she listen. She refuses to acknowledge anything valid I say and I'm sick of it. How do I get her to listen me so I can explain BPD? I've tried telling her that I'm trying to be happy with myself and that I'm not spending $300+ on therapy to be the therapist friend but she thinks I'm spending $300+ playing with sand and drawing. ARGHhhhhhhhhhh

Sorry bout the long post I needed it off my chest before therapy today lol

[Maggie]

@Ferret3123  welcome.

I’m pleased you got some stuff off your chest, it helps.

How we get people to hear us , is a bit beyond me. I think people need to ‘ want ‘ to hear, to understand. We don’t have a bandage, or plaster, so they cants see the wounds, but they are there, and they hurt.

I glad you are seeing a therapist.

Take care

[zandɘr]

Regarding your mother... I guess with some people, its total fear of the unknown, and although they have the tools to learn about the "unknown" ... maybe fear is preventing that? ... I'm sure she means well, and thinks that she can just mentally 'will' you to be the person you may have once been? ... I realise I do this with my own daughter a lot. with various things.(something that im working on!)

Regarding your ex... you really need to try and break ALL contact with him. block his number. don't accept gifts or messages. just have NO response to anything. You already know that this is most likely a manipulation. and I imagine he knows just how to manipulate you into doing what he wants... don't give him that control anymore... Be strong. there IS a life outside of jerk relationships. I promise. x

[Bed101]

I just want to say awesome effort and not giving in to your ex and realisng what you want from a relationship. from a Borderline i know how hard that would have been! 

in regards to your mum i have learnt we cant change other people believe. my thearpist has been talking to me about self validation and its hard but i feel that help me know what i am feeling is real and what other people think of course is important but no one else lives inside our brains! no one totally understand what we go through day in day out. 

Can you maybe try and make it simple for her about what you want her to know. write it down so she can re read it? 

i dont really have an answer i just wanted to let you know that your not alone! 

and remember no one know you more then you!