Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Julia3]

Hi everyone, Googled BPD and stumbled across this website. Complex family situation but as a 65-year old grandmother I’ve been supporting my daughter with mental health, predominantly anxiety and depression, for many years. Crisis point reached again and luckily have wonderful support from close friends and now my ex-husband for what lies ahead. My daughter and 2 grandchildren live with me and have done so consistently for the past 4+ years but now wanting to move out. Walking on egg shells but so much damage being done to these children, my heart is breaking. No acknowledgment of her part in this, it’s everyone else (symptomatic if the illness). To be honest, it’s now more important and our absolute priority to protect the 2 amazing grandchildren (12 and 4) from further emotional harm from their mother’s and my daughter’s spiralling behaviour. We don’t have a diagnosis but having experienced bi-polar and BPD with my mother the traits emerging are frighteningly similar in this latest episode. Turning against me is new and probably because the boys are more attached to the stability I offer and can understand her hurt here.  Looking at options, seeing a lawyer, DCP a last resort, resources of Grandparents Rearing Grandchildren, but she is the sole parent of both boys to 2 different fathers and not a lot of options. Ideas please. With thanks 🙏 

[MissLil]

Hi @Julia3 and welcome to the Sane forums. Thank you so much for posting and just know you have found a wonderful supporting community with many different forms of support. 

I personally have BPD and have been on my own journey of good and bad. There has been many times my family have had to hold the burden and you are doing a wonderful job to be supportive but also take in consideration the best and safest option for everyone involved. I think getting in contact with local mental health services and/or local GP to find out a correct diagnosis and support would be a good step forward. 

I hope this message find you well and all the best moving forward.

[fluffylight]

Hi @Julia3 🙂

Welcome! A very warm welcome awaits you in these forums. It sounds like you are holding a lot and thank you for sharing.

Your grandchildren must be so happy and lucky to have you in their lives 💛
Seems like you do a lot of caring for others, glad that you have supports in place to care for yourself.

I am unsure where you are located but there are states that offer free legal aid phone support, would this be a start? -- for example: https://www.legalaid.vic.gov.au/

I found this online, may be helpful to read through the different resources and ideas for grandparents who are carers: https://www.copmi.net.au/family-friends/grandparents/

Let us know how you go, you are not alone.

Please take care and keep reaching out 🙂 @Julia3

[tyme]

Hi there @Julia3 ,

Thank you for sharing. It sounds like such a difficult space to be in. 

I've lived with BPD for many years and it was always everyone else's problem. That is, everyone else had the issue and not me.

So much so, I moved away from everyone and moved interstate where I didn't know anybody. All was rosy for a few months, but then things spiralled. I later learnt that I couldn't run away from myself. 

When I realised I was the problem, only them could I seek help.

One thing to be sure of first though, is the difference between having bipolar and BPD. The symptoms can be very similar yet the treatment is VERY different.

I was misdiagnosed with bipolar and took meds for over 10 years. Later, I was diagnosed as having BPD, and the bipolar diagnosis was dropped. 

Just to let you know, BPD is very treatable. At the same time, the person needs to be willing. It's not an easy recovery.

Are there supports in place for your grandchildren?