Saturday Soiree - all welcome!!

[Appleblossom]

I know your personality is focussed on being cheerful and helpful @Shaz51 but yeah can sense there is a lot going on in a few areas of life.

Hey @SmilingGecko @TAB ... life seems to become a lot about exercises ... and it matters which ones....

[TAB]

Hi @Shaz51  sorry to hear that. Hope you are okay

[Shaz51]

Sad and finding out more next week  @TAB , @Appleblossom 

With both mums now , and with everything else going on 

The hospital rang me yesterday for me to make a appointment for myself with the doctor too 🙃 

[SmilingGecko]

Oh thats no good @Shaz51, it must be so deflating having all these health crises yourself and in your family. I'm very sorry to hear this bad news.  I hope you will be allright. Just try and manage as best you can and just allow yourself to be.  All these things would be very taxing to you so just be patient and tolerant of yourself ok? ❤️

[Shaz51]

Awww. Thank 😊 you my @SmilingGecko❤️❤️

[StanD]

Thanks for replying @Appleblossom you needn't apologise for being obtuse. I don't think I'm ever going to get you! I find it so hard to explain.

Looking back at what I wrote earlier, I feel like I was in a weird place. Maybe I'm desperate to talk because I feel like I'm not being heard?

I can't describe the agony of lonliness I feel deep inside. I wish it wasn't there. I think I spend lots of my time distracting myself & talking nonsense. Anything, to avoid the reality of feeling so alone.

It's good to have people to talk to on here. I think. Who knows? Is it keeping us from making connections in physical world?

Ohhhh - I have no idea how to do this. 

You know, I think I have stories in my head, that people only communicate with me to keep me entertained. I'm not worth engaging with, & I don't have the standard to offer like others do. 

I feel cut off from the rest of the world. I love when I feel connectedness with another. 

I'm always blaming myself.

I don't understand other people & they don't understand me. 

Small things really annoy me.

I take things personally.

I can't let go of the fear of being hurt, embarrassed, ridiculed feeling shamed. I shut down & shut out people, because it is much easier than letting them in, & taking the risk to be hurt again.

I don't want to be like this. I want to have friends. I don't want to be hurtful towards others because I am hurt. I also don't want to be taken advantage of.

Thanks Apple

[tyme]

Hey @StanD ,

We hear you. Hugs.

It sounds so difficult to sit in that space of being misunderstood or not heard.

We hope you find the forums a way to connect with people.

Please take care,

tyme

[Historylover]

Sorry to hear things aren't going so well for you at the moment, @Shaz51. Sending best wishes. I wish there were better words.

[Historylover]

Don't worry about your ADHD, @StanD, I don't read things properly at any time!  There is just so much that requires reading in these days of the internet that I have developed the habit of skimming. I miss so many points that I am forcing myself to concentrate.

Psi phenomena, consciousness and God. So much to think on. Regarding 9/11, in the several weeks prior when I was in consultation with my ex-psychiatrist, I began referring to the building opposite, which had been called Twin Towers on the drawing board many years prior. An unusual subject matter, but with psychiatrists all subject matter is relevant, which is why it surfaces in consultation. I had continued to call it by its old name when I brought it up in these two pre-9/11 conversations. I also made the comment that all of these skyscrapers would have to come down one day. My ex-psychiatrist always had a po-face but there were times when it is obvious that he was responding to something deeply significant. 9/11 was to occur in the next days bringing clarity to our unusual conversations.

It was interesting that you noted a similar significant experience. The scientist I had referred to in my earlier posts mentioned that his random number generator had also shown anomalies, so it is of interest that these significant events even effect the function of machines set up for such detection. (I had no knowledge of such machines prior to the past month or so. I hope you understand what they are).

You are most welcome to jump in on this conversation, @StanD. It's important to develop our ideas and find, sometimes, that there are others with similar views and experiences. There is just so much going on unseen in this strange world. All I see are microcosms within microcosms.

[Historylover]

Walking a very similar path with you regarding loneliness and being able to take the time to 'speak' and to be listened to here—to feel that we actually have something worth saying, @StanD, even that we are valued.

I agree re wondering if it prevents us from venturing out, but we can use it as a safe haven any time venturing out doesn't work out as we'd hoped. Lick our wounds here on home base for a while and try outside again another day. 

People are quite a puzzle to understand, and to find how to interact with without losing our true self, aren't they?