Life and trauma

[Former-Member]

Morning @MJG017 how are you going today? Have you got any plans for the day? 

[MJG017]

@Former-Member 

I know you're fighting and I do well know that exhausting battle of having to constantly find ways to distract our minds from difficult thoughts.  We have very different reasons for doing so, but that constant need to distract ourselves is truely exhausting. 

There is only so much you can do and for so long without needing a break.  The distractions give us that break but sometimes its not enough and there are just bad days.  I dont need to tell you that.  But when you do have those times, like when you're art, throw yourself into it, enjoy it, get as much as you can out of it.  It will help give you the strength to get through the next period where the thoughts start to overwhelm again. 

I think i must have fell asleep last night before i even put my phone down last night after my last reply.  I wish it was as easy for you.  Is it this week you see your doctor again.  Has he talked about referring you to anyone about the anxiety and panic attacks?

[MJG017]

@Former-Member 

Morning MJG017 how are you going today? Have you got any plans for the day?

Well, we must have been typing our posts at the exact same time!  Great minds. 😀

Sor far, ive woken up, dragged myself to the couch, had my rice bubbles, and.... that's about it.  I look at the clock and its almost lunch time!  So not the most productive morning.... even for me. 😁

Since its a public holiday today and everything is shut, ill probably get started on the Lego i bought the other day.  So i might go and start on the retro radio one... leave the Lambo for after.  Or i might just go and play some games on the PC.  God i hate public holidays.  They're such an inconvenience when you dont have a job or school!  Its so unfair!! 🤣

Do you have anything to do today?  Some more art or somethin else?

[Former-Member]

@MJG017 it's the constant fighting myself that's completely exhausting me. Fighting to not lose control, to not give in to those thoughts and urges. This is the exact same head space down to the tiny little details that I was in with my previous attempts so things are very real right now. 

But i made it through another night, i coloured my picture until it was finished just to keep myself distracted. I cried, I lost control at times, I bashed the crap out of my pillow (not sure if we are on talking terms still), I wrapped myself in blankets (yes i was a human burrito). I tried everything to just make it through the night but at times I hoped that I wouldn't make it through. 

My appointment is on the 3rd February if I make it. We haven't discussed much about what to do other than trying a different medication.

Today is a challenge, I have so much to do and zero energy to do any of it. But I'm here, my heart is beating and I'm breathing, the sun is shining (a little too much for my liking) but the point is I've made it to another day. 

[Former-Member]

@MJG017 we were definitely messaging at the same time and I think we managed to do that twice being that I've already answered some of these questions 😂.

I'm still laying in my bed but I did get up to make myself an iced coffee. I don't wanna move from my bed but I have to.

I wanna build some Lego, send one my way 😂. I really need to sort my Lego out so I can actually build some but that's a task and a half. 

Public holidays are so annoying, I agree with you there. My days are so out of whack at the moment, I can't keep track of what day it is 😂.

I'm not sure I'll get any art done today as i have too many other things to get done before I can relax. 

[Former-Member]

@MJG017 note to self, don't vacuum the house when it's a 34⁰ day. It will result in passing out and leave you feeling like crap 😂. And yes I'm ok other than being very hot and sweaty and having a sore head. Time to tackle my next job now, no rest for the wicked 😂

[MJG017]

@Former-Member 

There's nothing wrong with crying or beating the snot out of a pillow when things get too much.  It's all part of allowing ourselves some much needed release in order to prepare for the next fight which we know wont be too far away.  I'm sure your pillow will forgive you.  To be fair, it it was doing it's job in the first place, you'd be sleeping a lot better! 😁

I'm not sure we started messaging at the same time.  I start... mash my digits on the keyboard for an hour, in the meantime you make your post without waffling on about who knows what! We both his 'post' and there's each others messages! 🤣

I'd happily send you some Lego, but there's a lot of houses in Adelaide so it may take some time to find the right one.  I hope your street begins with a letter near the start of the alphabet! 😆

And don't worry about the vacuuming... i try to avoid it even on cold days.  Of course having dealt with postural hypotension (significant drop in blood pressure the instant i stand) for more than a decade stops (or limits) me doing a lot anyway.  So I don't have to do that much... my doctors says so! 😁

[Former-Member]

@MJG017 my pillow is great to beat up and it's copped it a few times, it's better than me punching my brick walls which I've also been known to do. And yes my pillow definitely had it coming 😂.

I'm pretty close to the beginning of the alphabet so hopefully I won't be waiting too long 😂. I have the combi van, mini Cooper, Volkswagen beetle, a crane, airport with planes, fire stations, big rocket set, that's just to name a few. 

I had to vacuum unfortunately and let's face it there's never a good day to do it 😂. Oh I have the same thing, it's so annoying everytime I stand up i almost pass out. I've had that since I was a kid so I've kind of been used to living with it. 

[Former-Member]

Is there anyone around right now please?  

@MJG017 @tyme @Oaktree @avant-garde @rav3n @Ru-bee 

[Oaktree]

Hi @Former-Member 

I am watching tv. Eat well for less. I just tried out a recipe I saw on this show the other day. It was a success. What’s going on with you?