Coming to terms with reality

[eudemonism]

@Former-Member

I'm sorry about my last message. I was perhaps a bit manic and based around anxiety. (Bad prospective )

I'm trying to work out what my meaning an purpose is in life. Something more? Something else?

Looking for that satisfaction. That completion. That feeling of belonging? (That i can't give myself )

A new person has come into my life. And it has opened up new thoughts feelings and has effected my actions. Just taking it slow? Playing my cards right? Protecting myself? (Third person thing )

Sorry again. I'm doing self reflection. And analysing what's going on. Too little too late type of thing? Or nothing can be done about the answers anyway?feeling physically and mentally. Not good enough. Not up to scratch. Worse for wear.

Eude.

[Former-Member]

oh eude

so much of what you are experiencing is just doubt which so many people without mental illness experience..

I do not know your family life history and do not expect you to divulge...that is private..

however when you talk about a sheltered lifestyle that made a connection in my mind...

I had an extremely sheltered upbringing...could not go out on own until 17 and that was with sister...father dropping us off and picking us up at 9.30pm!

imagine that today laugh...they don't go out until so late...

having a sensitive side to our personality ....although this has taken many years of therapy to get me to realise this...is actually a blessing....we are actually gifted...without sensitive people in the world what would it be like?? look at the president of the united states of america...??? say no more on that subject..

no need to ever apologise for your messages... you write like myself....as you feel..

which is why we still respond to one another....

we get one another...

self-analysis is great up to a certain point....it can be something else that controls us...constantly analysing every single thought...

so acknowledging that you need to have a break from your mind....which is what I have to do...then doing something for me it usually involves nature....that is my best grounding tool...

what works for you might be different...

looking for satisfaction and completion....you will not find in another...you will find in yourself...

sounds weird ...we have to love ourselves even like ourselves first before we can obtain satisfaction and completion hmmm dont like that word...I dont think we need to find completion...

feeling of belonging to whom to what? again if we are accepting of ourselves we can enjoy time with people whom we connect with...proud of you that you are taking it slowly...looking out for yourself...

we just keep on learning everyday...that is life

then you will be in a better place to take it slowly with this new person in your life...exciting...

I have four new ladies in my life all 20 and 30 years older than me and I am loving every minute I spend with them....just came home this afternoon....mind boggling what we talk about laugh..

speaking of laughing....you have a great sense of humour...how often do you laugh?

you never need to apologise to me about analysing...even my psychotherapist looks worn out after a session listening to me laugh...I do make him laugh sometimes though...that is progress for both of us...

so many people do not realise that a psychiatrist..psychotherapist...psychologist can only help a person with the information given presented by their client...the client is the one who does all of the hard work and without realising guides each session....

[Former-Member]

oops forgot to tag you have written epic response above @eudemonism

[eudemonism]

@Former-Member

Excellent reply. We need others in our lives too a certain degree. But not too the point where we are reliant on them. It's good to have stable and secure relationships. With a few different people. (Groups ). But it is also just as important too look after ourselves. Take care of ourselves. Live with ourselves. Deal with getting through each day on our own and dealing with reality in a proper manner. Dependant and depending when we turn to others as if they can fix us. And our issues it becomes toxic. We all got flaws and blemishes that ain't going anywhere. (Independence )

I'm hearing what you saying in the last message. Dependency on people is where we let ourselves down. No options. Not many people to rely on. Always turning to the same people gives them control over us and makes us become like them. So, people turn to others for company. Answers. To spend time with. To talk with. To share problems. The response you're getting is everything. Determines our future really. Then if, they turn bitter or spiteful toward you. Dilemmas dramas. Negative social dynamics unfold. Resentment. Jealousy. envy. And you are reliant on them. And they want you to be reliant on them. You're more or less at their mercy. And get entwined in this toxic scenario. A power and control struggle? Making sense? Words get said. People get hurt. People change. But for the better or worse? Does make sense?

Ya see mohill. I'm wanting to get on with life. Be in control of my thoughts. Emotions and actions. Look after myself. Do right bye myself. And a huge part of that is acceptance. Accepting that its not as it should be. And moving forward on to other things. My friends symbolise the less of two evils. Gotta always be aware of them though. Ya never know when a mood swings is coming.

Until next time

Eude

[Former-Member]

@eudemonism

Yes you have it in a nutshell...

new people entering our lives can be acquaintances...

we take our time allowing them to be more.......can still happen...we are looking after ourselves...

stay safe

talk soon

[eudemonism]

@Former-Member

In general mohill im doing well. But there an element of my life where im struggling big time! Living in my head. Mental stuff. Its crippling me. I feel immense pressure and stress which is caused bye my illness.

Eude.

[Former-Member]

@eudemonism

understand what you are saying....is that the delusional part of schizophrenia...others voices?

or is it your own mind having a conversation with someone else or going from one conversation to another with people we are angry with...want to stand up to....they irritate us...

I have the latter the different conversations with people who have hurt me or been disrespectful....I stand up to them with my thoughts in my mind....

acknowledging that I am angry is a huge issue for me....I have always buried my anger not accepted that it is a natural feeling...so I am working on this in my therapy...

have you thought any more about making that appointment with your psychiatrist that your doctor wanted you to have...

being this time of year you would have to organise appointment very soon as might even be booked up.,...also they tend to take holidays in january as well....I am sure you are familiar with that scenario...where all of our support systems shut down at the same time....a time when most of us need support...

keep on talking

how are mister and purrpurr?

[eudemonism]

@Former-Member

Purrpurr had desexing op today. So very upset to see her struggling and suffering. Can't wait until she has come good. Ten days or so and she should be right as rain. Very uosettong.
.
Mac is fine. I got him a blue collar today. There was also lightening today which worked him up. Took him too mum and dad's place. Was good for both of us. Fresh air and social time. He got to see the sausage dogs and donkeys. He did well.

My compassion was tested today. Big time 😤😧😣 and left me feeling very unable to help and empty and hollow because i couldnt stop another person's suffering. Not to mention purrpurr. I'm afraid to say that another piece of my heart has been taken.

All good. Got it all sorted. Plus. Arranged for new fridge / freezer and chest freezer. Will be getting delivered next Tuesday. Frozen food heaven. Thinking about getting half a beast. Or a sheep. Stocking up on frozen veg. Deep fryer foods. Desserts. Some fish. Frozen meals. Etcetera.

Got an awful lot on my mind 😤😧😦 thoughts, feelings and trying to work out what too do.

Eude.

[Former-Member]

@eudemonism

having a new fridge will be good...help keep your food stocked up..

chest freezer a good way of saving money...stock up with half a cow or sheep..very cost effective...

purrpurr will improve each day....not a dangerous operation..very hard to see our pets when not their usual selves...your relationship with her will become even closer..

is your dog called mister or Mac?

sorry to hear that you witnessed another's suffering...life seems cruel when that happens..

be gentle with your heart....

if you have decisions to make ..does it help to make the for and against list? Or whatever titles you prefer...pros and cons...?

main thing is to remember to be kind to eude..You are the main part of the equation ..

a list that works out what is best for eude....

pleased to hear that you enjoyed time with your mum and dad.. Do they have donkeys?

when I was in Uk earlier this year I went to a donkey sanctuary...where they look after rescued donkeys from all over the world...a beautiful place..

hope that you have a restful night and sleep well..

I am hoping for the same myself..having not slept well again for last couple of nights..

talk soon..

[eudemonism]

@Former-Member

Thanks for the reply. Me dog is called mister mac do i call him bye either or either.

Got two kittens here and i first though the were males but not im thinking they could be females. Harder to get rid of. More money to desex. So im hoping any day now that someone comes along and grabs them. And i can get back to normality. No mess. No chaos. If no one comes to get them I'll be taking them to rspca or cat shelter. Don't want another female cat that has more kittens. Its a bit of a predicament?

Yea a deep freeze and bigger fridge will be good. I think i need to eat more meat and three veg types of meals. Its all paid for at the shop just need t9 get delivered. Andi secure that I'll be getting exactly what i picked out. As the floor stock sold out and they ordering another in.

I think this thing I'm going through is just messages and emotions. From two very smart people. Who got alot in common. Its a good experience.

Yes my parents have always had donkeys.

Anything new or exciting happening in your life? Did you get thunder where you are the other day?

Eude.