Coming to terms with reality

[eudemonism]

Hello @Former-Member

The dog is out the back and the cat is going in and out... they're doing fine.

I was getting worked up (anxious ) before and a fellow patient rolled around. Now I'm thinking... ok it's time to move on. I'm tired of him bludging and slurping on his coffee like an animal.

Sometime i just feel like saying. Go get lessons in etiquette and go see a financial counselor. Cause I'm sick of carrying them. And putting up with them. It's a rather toxic situation when i really think about it.

Not sure what else to say. Smell. Stink ain't showered in days. Laying all over my couch.

It gets on my nerves.

[eudemonism]

Then there's nonsense going on behind my back between him and other fellow patients. And there is a few reoccurring things happening that simply get on my nerves that i never say anything about. And i let it go. I let it go. I let it go and bam. I snap.

[eudemonism]

Hello and good morning @Former-Member 💯🔠💡
Do you have any morning rituals you would like too share with me?
With me it is usually coffee, smokes, tv and get stuck into my phone and the Internet. It is usually a challenging experience because I'm waking up and warming up for the day. Sometimes i listen to radio.

I would like to fine tune my morning ritual and get the most out of the first 3 hours of the day. But i can take it too extremes. A walk would be good. A coffee down the front. A swim. And so on

[eudemonism]

I am going to be or i would like too be... (?)
My words have so much influence over myself and others... again... reality vs expectation... @Former-Member

[Former-Member]

good morning @eudemonism

I get out of bed as early as I can....trying not to go back to sleep...if I have not had much sleep during the night..

I try to keep to my sleep cycle as often as I can...

this goes pearshaped when we have a later night if we have been out....then I am running on adrenaline..can take up to two hours for my medication to work...am often tired for at least the next day..

first thing that I have to attend to is two very hungry cats...who have to be fed in separate rooms...the british shorthair headbuts the other one to get to her food...he eats like a dog...shovels the food down without taking a breath....she likes to graze..hence separate rooms for feeding...then her bowl lifted up if not finished...

then breakfast....shower....computer some mornings...

attend to dishes that have been left from the night before...we eat fairly late and just nice to sit down and try to relax...so dishes usually get done the next day....

I used to walk early in the morning....my sleeping tablet leaves my head very heavy in the morning...so I cannot go out until after 9.30am ish..

I am trying very hard to get my morning walk back in...when cooler I walk mid morning...

we live in the hills so 40minute drive at least to beaches...I miss that...

I do have plenty of types of animals to look at and talk to when I walk...

shopping if needed...which I hate....done mid morning..

appointments usually mid morning or just after lunch...

when depression hits hard to keep to these...I have learnt to let it pass...work very hard at not judging myself....which I used to do...then start again..

if I cannot get out for a walk....I do exercises again when not in deep depression...

in the afternoons I put music on and exercise or dance around....makes me so happy...I can laugh and smile..

I also get out into the garden..watering..pruning ...weeding etc..

if I had a dog I would definitely be walking him every day...

if you are trying to get back into a routine...what worked for me was to focus on the one thing that I wanted to do again the most....for me that was get out of the house...some physical activity

then it was to go into the small town where we are and walk around looking in some of the quirky shops...doing something for me..

I often go to the library also...can take my time browsing through the books..then borrow some.

paramount for me is physical movement.....keep joints moving....getting out of the house...

have to get off of here now...will read back over your other posts when I get back on here...possibly later this evening.

enjoy your day...do not let others bring you down...they have their bad days...you can say to them that you are busy today...you could also set a time aside where you invite them for a coffee on a certain day at a certain time....also stipulating that it is for an hour or half hour as you have to go out...

talk again

take care

[eudemonism]

Ok @Former-Member sounds like you got it sorted and know whats best for yourself. The music and dancing sounds like great fun i sort of do the same sometimes. With the music on the radio. I message their text line sometimes. In hope that all my writing will be seen as the work of a great writer one day. But in actual fact. It's just a case of one among many. I admire the recognition that great writers alive or passed away. Get from their work. (However how they are aspeople and what their lives has most likely lots more to the story )

Don't worry about half the stuff i write too you. It's mainly emotional mumbo jumbo and a phase i go into when on the brink between reality and and psychosis. Grounding techniques really. It's good to use it as a form of correspondence and communication though. I must say. (A familiar form of expressing myself to whom ever it may concern )

My garden is small but effective. An ongoing project. It would look really nice with a bit of attention and maintenance there is always something else out there that needs doing. Watching it grow and change is the best thing of all. (The long term picture will be great when the main trees have grown really big ) and yield fruit or provide shade )

Took car for test drive and is not what I'm looking for. So I'm thinking... about how else can spend my money now... maintenence on my current car, a few big electrical items (gaming console, sound system, air-conditioning, microwave (and a chest of drawers, nice dining / kitchen table and chairs ) because more or less... I'm at home for 90-95% of the time and usually alone... it is good too have good, reliable, effective and easy outdoor activities or social life stuff to tend too. But is also good too have (my space, my time, my own little habitat )

Take care 😊💛🚥:on_not_arrow: until next time...

[Former-Member]

oh what a lovely response @eudemonism

you truly are a beautiful soul....

I have no concerns at all about what your write.... you write well....yes I recognise that you are releasing your thoughts....best thing that you can do...

in fact of course I am going to agree with you...I do exactly the same...hence some of my posts are soooooooooo long...

can I make a suggestion....if not spending the money on another car...

if thinking of items for inside the house...

wait for the sales in january...just after christmas...

gives you more time to perhaps make a list of what you would like...what would give you the most pleasure...you know this already

as far as having it all sorted and knowing what is best for me....this is a work in progress....part of my plan...can change at any time...I just work very hard now at not getting upset with myself if it does..

when you are at home most of the time? are you inside or outside more? where would you feel more relaxed? in your garden....do you have table and chairs outside?

was thinking along the lines of the person who visits who does not shower often....you could offer cup of coffee once a week and sit outside...just a thought...dog would love it ....

yes definitely so important to have your own space...habitat...make it yours...vital

many people do not do this ....they lead very busy lives...spend far too much money...very materialistic..yet are still lonely....have no sense of self..

I agree with you about the recognition of artists ...their fame growing once they have left this world...

you mentioned very early in the piece on here about your love of writing...

a great interest to have when you say that you have so much time on your own.....

time again perhaps to put some of your great imagination into words...

do you write on paper or on computer and save?

love the little symbols you posted ...I am not computer savvy at all...the most I can do is cats...one heart and smiley things .....

as always take care until we speak again

virtual mum

[eudemonism]

Hey @Former-Member I'd say I'm inside most of the time. And I use my place as a retreat. A place to be alone. Too sit and think. (Deal with my issues ) To escape reality and the world. A place too keep my stuff. Too sleep. Too eat. Too look after myself. (Self care ) too do my thing and live my life. I do alot of drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes at my place. And i go over this ~mental thing~ i do. And turn too coffee and cigarettes as a coping mechanism. This little ~mental twist~ i go through. And bam. Turn to coffee and cigarettes and go through this over and over and over again they are stimulants you see. And it basically drives me around the bend.

without them i just don't know what to do. Because i still go through the same old ~mental twist~ (possibly based around resentment ) and when they are not there to comfort me and get me high. I loose motivation and begin pacing and so on. Thoughts become erratic. Am looking for a hit. Until I get depressed. Start going back to bed in the mornings instead of getting on with the day. (?) Have nothing to do except look after myself really. I'm talking about sleeping in until 9-10-11 am and getting up for an hour or so and then heading back to bed for 2-3 hours then getting up for awhile. Then heading back too bed. Until night time. -Total drop in energy and motivation. And it was kind of good because i have nothing too do anyway. Things slowed down dramatically.

[Former-Member]

@eudemonism

that sounds very hard to deal with....

what support network do you have in place? medically ...other than your injection?

I know that you have mentioned church....good to feel included....the philosphy does not cover mental illness very well...

psychiatrist? psychologist? mental health workers?

sounds as though you are dealing with a great deal on your own....

if I am asking too many questions...just let me know....am here listening...

[eudemonism]

I asked to see the psychiatrists again @Former-Member but i do not think the nurses think it is necessary. Because i am doing rather well. However a review has been mentioned bye the general practitioners a few times. I keep in contact with the crisis phone lines. But it is only a short term fix for along term problem.

The psychologist clearly stated that I need a goal i want help to achieve. Which they can help me work towards. And besides that. I find it rather intrusive to sit down and talk about problems from my past which have caused all this stress.

This mental twist i am going through is a direct result of my illness. Looking for away out. Looking for a solution. Looking for a quick fix. It is fuelled bye past traumas and shock. Rather draining.......

I call mental health workers but it is very much like talking with anyone else in my life...
.