Coming to terms with reality

[Former-Member]

hello @eudemonism

thank you for such  honest response.....I truly am touched,,..

for me abiding by honesty no matter the consequences has always been so very important for me..

honesty is a very important value for me....

I see that you are attempting this...the psychosis and or possibly delusions are playing havoc with your commitment towards such values..

you are from what I read frequently having a debate with yourself on a more intense level...this is my understanding so far....I have no prior knowledge of such instances...I apologise in advance if I am incorrect...in no way am I assuming....I am learning from you...again if that is ok with you...

I have watched some inspiring ted talks...read many articles...spoken to people who know less than I do...

again I say to you I do not think that you realise how much you have achieved.....

I would love for you to be able to talk to those who are open about their diagnosis on this site and have their own pathways on here.....have you telephoned the help centre at all? you could ask them for some help in specific threads to read if this might be helpful...

I totally understand the need for trust....such a major factor for all of us with any mental illness..

the only other thing that I thought of was making a list of some small things that you would like to achieve...

keep it somewhere that is visible for you.....when these battling thoughts occur try to focus on the words of your small wants....even if only one at a time...

distracting yes...also you telling your mind that even though the negative thoughts are very real and trying to overpower....I want this small thing (a positive)...it will of course take practice ....

at the same time not to overdo it...be gentle with yourself...

it might help it might not....up to you...this is about you....what you want....you helping you...

will have a look at later responses from you now

[Former-Member]

hello @eudemonism

yes I can tell reading between the lines.....your strong desire to get past this...

from what I have read and videos I have watched...along with discussion with my psychiatrist re schizophrenia....is that it is a relentless illness....

however some people are speaking out now about how they continue doing what they set out to do....what their plan was....whilst at the same time they have managed to allow the voices to be there...just turned the volume down so to speak...

from the little I know......I feel that there is always this determination....self acceptance...acknowledging what has been and gone in the past....so when the voices re the past begin...working around the fact that you can forgive yourself and the voices....you want to focus on the now..being very present in the day...working on your small plan..

a very good book by Eckhart Tolle  ...author of The Power of Now

The Power of Now : A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment. ... Eckhart Tolle demonstrates how to live a healthier and happier life by living in the present moment. To make the journey into The Power of Now we will need to leave our analytical mind and its false created self, the ego

are you a member of a library? if you are you can set up an account on-line and order in books that way...if you are good with computers you will find it very simple...if you are like me....I went to the library and someone there set it up for me...

talk again take care

[Former-Member]

Hello @eudemonism

very astute of you to pick up that I am not at my best at the moment...family stuff and time of year..

I did want to respond to your comments though...

your post about relationships and wanting to have someone special in your life...

my younger son...I mentioned previously....feels pretty much the same as you...

he gets annoyed with unreliable friends.....unmotivated friends....negative thinking people..

he has learnt to go to many things on his own....outdoor festivals...

he also goes on long hikes....his fitness and healthy lifestyle is important to him....I have  been this way also....for the majority of my life...take out the periods of deep depression...self isolating...

we talk about this ...I say to him ...life is unknown....none of us know what will happen tomorrow...we can make the most of today....when we are happy within ourselves...this shows on our faces...our smile or relaxed muscles around the mouth....warmth in our eyes and overall expressions..

helping others you mentioned....learning to enjoy nature with our own company...learning to sit and calmly be at one with ourselves...

this then emanates from us......people notice.....positive people....caring people will be attracted to us ...we cannot know when...so i suppose what I am saying is put the focus on wanting someone else back on to ourselves...let nature take it's course..

yes I have had periods in my life where I have lived alone...I enjoyed immensely some of that time..I spent time with friends...family....work takes up a huge chunk of our week...there were times where I wished then that I had someone to share some of my life with...I did not let that feeling overtake me though...

I am now remarried....a lovely man who thinks like me in many ways and differently in other ways...

he loves his own space.....I love and must have my own space....I would not be with him if he was not like this..I do not get on well with controlling....demanding...negative people...

my husband,,,,my older son...my younger son...myself ...are all what we perceive as "different""" ..husband and younger son are very happy with the fact that they are....they have both told me in completely different conversations that they love being that way.

I have started to accept myself finally ...never too late...I have stopped listening to the controlling voices of my family and now think "what do I want" as opposed to my old way of thinking "they want me to be"

volunteer work if you can find something that appeals...being with similar aged people or young thinking people might be helpful...again if you are good with computers...use my friend google..ignore all of the rubbish and there are so many interesting ways of volunteering these days...

You have already started on this journey....you began this thread....you came back after a break...knowing the need to take a break in itself is self-awareness...

you are doing very well

how are mister and purrpurr?

[eudemonism]

I have just read through your messages @Former-Member and it is indeed such a comforting experience to not feeling misunderstood or neglected bye your words... accepted and understood for who i am and what i want to be...

I am relating my own experiences too the little bits and pieces you've spoken about...which are based around your life and your family...and can see a little picture of what it must be like...

I had to let go of everything that i found oppressive which came from any other person in my life...and begin working at who and what i wanted too be...all for good reasons which were liberating for all involved...and apart of that was accepting what was true and accepting what was not...

Even if it is bad or good...there is not alot I could do about it...except move forward..move on...and base my motives and actions around what would mean power...self control...meaning and purpose...even if it meant leaving behind all the falsehood and beliefs which were causing me stress and stopping me from taking that next action...which meant i was not moving forward...and functioning in today's very complicated world...that stops for nobody...

My false beliefs have been surrounded around...thinking i was incapable of achieving the positive possibilities...which were going through my mind...and were in place as a defence against the delusions which were drowning me...and stopping me from regaining power over my identity, my image, my reputation...and core traits, qualities, and characteristics...which i needed too have and maintain...a look on my face i could live with...and a mentality that blended well with reality...

Taking action too obtain the life i deserve...

Thanks for your reply...

It is very much appreciated that you write such meaningful words too me...

[eudemonism]

If i am always afraid @Former-Member ... i am unable to properly focus on the values which will truly...best serve me...and lead toward the positive based ambitions...so i truly had too develop...a frame of mind...which allowed me too take...and regain ground on the plans for the life i wanted too live...before my illness grabbed ahold of me...and made me think it was what i deserved...

If i am afraid too take the first step of action toward what i wanting to achieve...the goal will always remain incomplete...greatness...does not know the meaning of capabilities or limitations...

When i found the balance...of my life being about me...as much as is it...about others...what ever i was dealing with...it became easier...

Each day is a challenge... but with help and support... in return for merit of values... it all works out.

Feeling very tired and exhausted...

[Former-Member]

@eudemonism

can I just let you know that it is not hard for me to express how I feel for your past and present struggles..

you are very much worth the time and thought that I put into my responses...

I read determination....compassion.....caring for others....wanting to help others...

between the lines in your posts...

I believe in you .....

I want you to believe this so that you believe in you ....regardless of what is happening in your mind...

perhaps you have needed to go back over some of your thoughts to come to terms with them and to be able to accept ..yes that was the way it was...that is not how it has to be now...

I believe that you have been working very hard at this...

change will come.....none of us can know when or how....when we work so very hard to discover our true selves and forgive ourselves...change does come...

you are already on your journey.....

too hot for a walk here...so have been on a cross trainer because I have not walked in weeks....depression stops exercise doesn't it...well not for ever though..

when is your next visit to the beach?

[eudemonism]

The majority of the responsibilities of my life... rest solely in my hands...

[Former-Member]

@eudemonism

rest up now...your body is letting you know...your mind too..

we cannot do it all in on day...we just start

we have to remember to be gentle with ourselves as well...all part of our plan

look after you....

[eudemonism]

Getting on with life...can sometimes be harder...then being mentally ill...

[Former-Member]

@eudemonism

oh goodness yes...spot on

are you able to distract yourself now....where are the dog and cat?