hello @Adek @eudemonism @Appleblossom @Bubbles3
I have been trying to read your posts but have not been on here everyday.
My husband and I still have the dreaded lurgy however finally were able to attend our heart specialist for the appointments we missed last week.
Sad isn't it when a big trip out is for medical reasons......could be much worse though
The problem with blasted mental illness is that it does not know to behave when we are physically unwell.
I didn't feel depressed as such just very weary, drained, unwell and fed up
All of the in depth rummaging, exploring just swept to the side as the physical ailments took over.
I have so much to respond to and do not know where to start.
One question that stood out to me @Adek about why I would think that you have done so well.
The answer is glaringly obvious to me yet I also understand that it might not be to you.....again one of the symptoms of mental illness
we battle so hard daily even when we don't realise that we are...trying to put into place what we have learnt...mechanisms...distractions...thoughts and so on....it is so easy to become self absorbed. This is about myself and also generalising not about anyone personally on here.
I know that this is definitely the case for me
When someone compliments me it almost seems as though they are mocking me....trickery.....condescending....patronising.... why can I not just accept the compliment as wonderful...it doesn't mean that I am suddenly the world's best female, mother, sister, wife, friend...it just means that somebody noticed something about me that was worth teliing me about....how lovely...why haven't I saved all of these compliments up over the many years of my life....
@Adek I am the eldest of our group.....actual ages are irrelevant here...life wisdom...experiences are far more valuable
I have wondered off of the subject as usual.....I am still feeling pretty blech and I am sure that you can pick this up in the tone of my response
you have been to many places......filled your mind with such knowledge.....worked hard in different areas.....your rabbits just one thing springing to mind....you have a philosophical approach to life which for me is so inspiring....I have seen you grow on here too
@eudemonism I am still in awe of how much you have achieved yourself.....to be able to remove elements in your life that have caused you harm and held you back is such a very hard thing to do. you are giving up several things at once. Your attitude and efforts truly are commendable.....I want to tell you again how proud I am of you....Even coffee which I understand goes hand in hand with smoking... I love coffee and chocolate....I haven't had any coffee for 10 days....I am testing to see if this might be part of why I have had a racing and palpitating heart at different stages aside from the anxiety. Of course the caffeine could also be exacerbating the anxiety.......chocolate is so so hard....I dont have to eat it all of the time but to give it up completely .....ooohhhh
Have you done any artwork in the last month or so? Or written any music? as in worked on your creative side?
I want to continue exploring the charcoal but because we keep on having open inspections of the house I am loathe to pull everything out....an excuse I know
@Appleblossom You are sounding as though things are coming together more nicely for you now....great that you have people you can eat out with.....our children like to see us happy
Having friends, relationships is an ongoing work in progress for everyone whether they have a mental illness...a painful period of growing up.....even just shown no physical affection...as was the case with me.....starting new friendships can be very daunting.....I now am friendly just not setting up any expectations.....the friendships grow if they are tended to on both sides
I have had some very close friends....some of these I have lost due to the times when I was unable to leave the house...so always ringing up to postpone or cancel
I do believe that the most important relationship of all is the one we have with ourselves
loneliness and aloneness are two different ideals
one can feel lonely in a crowd of people....group gatherings.....
one can be alone as in on one's own and not feel lonely in the least
take care my friends
