Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Anne13]

This is probably a common feeling to have, however, for the first time in many years of living with a daughter who has many mental illnesses I can honestly say at this point in time, right now I have never felt more stressed and worried about my daughter's wellbeing. 

She was a lovely, normal girl in a very stable loving home. A very talented dancer, great at school and behaving as any preteen does. Today I do not recognise the girl she has become. She has just turned 16 and lives a life that is so unimaginable to me that it is hard to even comprehend. After making new friends, she starting going down a very unhealthy path. Running away and absconding during the night became her new way of life. Drugs soon followed, violent, abusive behaviour became her norm. The day she nearly made me crash the car by repeatedly kicking me while I drove was too much. I drove her to the police station and pleaded for them to help me. She has been admitted 10 times to a teen psychiatric facility with little impact. Border-line personality disorder, narsasistic personality and possibly bipolar 2 have all been banded around. She is so good at manipulating and lying now that she can easily convince people she is fine. I loathe the mental health system as they are so tied by red tape. There is not enough help or facilities for teenagers, as I gave discovered.

As her violence toward me escalated and DHS became involved I had to make he most painful decision of my existence. I went to court and agreed to have her placed in out of home care as she was quite verbally expressing that it was all my fault. Self-harming followed, her arms look a mess. She has dropped out of school, lives her days in a drug fuelled stuppor, threatens to harm me daily and is unrecognisable. How sad is it when I have been advised my police to be cautiously vigilant and not to dismiss her threats?

There are so many more deplorable acts she has done but at the end of the day she is my daughter who I love immensely. I know that way deep down inside she is still there and while I will never, ever give up on her I truly don't know what to do to help her. I tried to visit her for Christmas, total disaster. I cling to that morsal of hope, call it optimism or whatever you will but I am praying that she will live to see the new year in.

Thanks for the opportunity to vent.

[NiteKat]

HI Anne

Im jaydeez, one of the overnight moderators here at SANE. Thank you for taking time to post here. It takes a lot of courage to communicate the distress and pain you are experiencing. There is a large group of supportive and understanding people on this forum and their collective wisdom may be helpful in processing everything that is and has been going on for you. Please continue to post and also review the other discussions within the site if you wish.

Thanks

[Shaz51]

Hello @Anne13, @NiteKat

how are you today xx

sending you hugs

have you been able to look around the forum

1

 

[Appleblossom]

Hello @Anne13

I am very sad to read about your situation with your daughter.

 I am also sad to think that it becomes a question of labelling the person and that the family carry the weight of the problems, whereas it seems very much a badly managed general social problem.  The genesis not really within the family .. family and school and school friends .. are all open systems .. influences flow throughout them .. but mothers who love can be most vulnerable to immature groups of teens.

I felt like that with my daughters and removed myself .. ten years later my son showed me a NZ movie about 2 girl friends who turn on a mother. Peter jackson and Kate Winslet are involved .. "Heavenly Creatures". My son was trying to show me he knew the level of hostility I was living with on a daily basis with my daughters, when he was a very little boy.

I also spent 15 years trying to talk my little brother down from wanting to harm my mother, but my mother didnt care about me, it all became too tragic and twisted .. 

The pressures on families are huge .. if the education and mentla health systems actually want to help .. they need to integrate some of their policies and material ... and not be only worried about their jobs .. for us it is our whole lives and our loves ...

[Anne13]

Hello, I have spent some time reading other people's journeys which are all unique to them. It does help to know that I am not alone in this terrible situation. Some days, like today, are just too hard. Tomorrow is a new day though and that is what I cling too. Hope all is ok with you. Xx

[Shaz51]

Hello @Anne13 xx

good to hear from you

yes, one day at a time my friend

are you able to do some "me Time" for you sometimes , I like having a cuppa on the front steps

or sitting looking at my weed gardens which has more weeds then plants in them xx

we are here for you

[Martie]

Hello Anne13,

I am so incredibly sorry to hear about your situation - for you and your daughter.

I understand your frustration with "the system" and feeling like no-one is actually listening to you and willing to help. At times I've felt the coldness of a professional attitude when all I wanted was some empathy and for them to say they were sorry, or that they understood.

I'm glad you're able to vent here, and I hope you have a good support network around you. I know as a mother you will never be able to switch off your love and worry for her, but it sounds like you have done everything in your power to help her.

I truly hope she comes out the other side and is able to come back to you at some point in the future.

xx

[Anne13]

Hello Martie, Thank you for your kind thoughts. I think it becomes incredibly hard to think of anything else other than the problems one is engrossed in. In fact it can become all consuming. It is only when I stop and take a breath that I realise that I also need taking care of. Not in a self indulgent way but just hearing someone else who understands first hand ask if I am ok or do you need a hug can actually make my day and bring a calmness to it all. So thanks. Have a wonderful New Year's Eve and I pray that 2017 is so much better.