Struggling

[strong]

Hi @Razzle

Thanks for checking in on me.

i am pleased yesterday is over.

i have a real ‘hot spot’ that I can’t stay present for and spikes my distress level pretty high.

i know working on it is the way you are supposed to overcome it, but, I feel it sets me back.

it sounds like I’m sooking out or avoiding it, but I honestly feel that I cannot face it.

How are you going?

Hope you managed to rest over the weekend?

Wishing you positive thoughts for your consultant with your husband there, today isn’t it?

Play that music and sing your little lungs out!

[Razzle]

@strong  Good to hear you’ve come out the other side of your session.  Today’s session is on my own, Thursday is with the hubby. 

It wasnt a great weekend, anxiety has been off the charts.  5 pm yesterday I opened the bottle of beam and skulled - I hate doing that but I just needed relief.  Got just on 41/2hrs sleep, sitting in maccas drinking a coffee now filling like shit.  Still got about 2hrs travel and then the appt, so nervous today it’s reduculous.  

The music  is on flat out already

[strong]

Hi @Razzle

Just breathe... you are doing so well. Distract yourself in watching what is going on around you, focus on the detail of people’s clothing, cars, the texture of the cup, the chair your sitting on.

Breathe...

You’ve got this.

Thiinking if you, sending you strength.

[Razzle]

@strong

A bit fragile at the moment.  I’m a bit like you, I know I need to face it but something blocks me and I just can’t talk about it.  I have no trouble with the group or the 1 that did it again.  I have no trouble with the 1 a couple of years later but I just can’t get the words out about the old man.

I’ve spent the last few days writing it all down, at least I don’t have to say it out loud and today I gave that to my councillor, so it’s all on the table, he knows everything that happened.

Now I just feel out of control, like I’ve let the monster loose and it’s gone on a rampage.

I cried almost all the way there this morning, and pretty much most of the session.  I’m bawling now !!  God I feel disgusting, like my skin is crawling, I just don’t want to go home.

Theres a lake near my councillors office and I drove there afterward, I really wasn’t  in any state to drive but I got that far.  I feel so wiped out after my sessions so I ended up sleeping for about an hour in the car and then just stared out the window for another hour.

Im about half way home but im a bit panicked so I’m pulling up for a bit 

[strong]

Hi @Razzle

How are you feeling today? Fairly tired I would imagine. Yesterday would have taken a fair bit out of you.

That is a massive achievement to have written down your event that you find so hard to talk about. Just in itself that is a huge thing to do, it would drag up a lot of emotions and memories.

i am pleased you took some time yesterday to rest.

it might feel overwhelming what you have done, but it is a really big step, and shows how much strength you have.

Even though you have written it out and given it to your therapist, doesn’t mean you have to bring it all up, you are in the drivers seat, he is there guiding you, you have control on what direction YOU want to do.

Take it easy on yourself today.

[Razzle]

Hi @strong

I got home eventually, wasn’t a great evening, but I did get some sleep last night, it’s what I needed I think.  Feeling pretty much wiped out this morning.  Thanks for checking in 

[Former-Member]

@Razzle

Thinking of you always!

Love & Hugs!

Bella xo  🙂  <><<

[Razzle]

Thanks @Former-Member. ❤️❤️

[Shaz51]

Hello @Razzle, @Former-Member, @strong, @destructive, @Elin

[Razzle]

@Shaz51  Thankyou, all hugs happily accepted ❤️❤️