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07 Mar 2016 09:51 PM
07 Mar 2016 09:51 PM
Hi @BlueBay.
Do any of really know the real us? Too deep for me to answer.
Now, I don't want you to freak out or anything but today may be a good thing. Not how you feel or anything, but the outcome. Here is why:
@Sadgirl wrote:
They made an appt for me. So I have just written a letter to him telling him the truth, I am not gong to hide anymore. He needs to know the truth about my thoughts and behaviour so then he can help me correctly.
In these few sentences you have done a lot. You have admitted to us and more importantly, to yourself, that up til now you haven't been telling everything, you have been holding back for whatever reason. You think of it as hiding. But today, this crappy as hell Monday, may mean more than you think. The day you decided no more, you want, need & are willing to accept help. Ready to lay everything out and say what needs to be said. To get where you need to be.
That's what happened to me about 4 years ago. In one day (after a long build up) my whole life blew up on me again, was torn apart. I thought it was the end for me. For years my doctors had known some of what was going on, I hadn't opened up fully. That day I decided it was enough, they needed to know it all. So I booked an extra long session with my GP & told him everything I could. It was a decision that changed my life. I think it's the day that I first accepted everything for what it was, really accepted that I had a mental illness.
My life is very far from perfect right now but I can tell you it is so different from five & more years ago. Because of this 'confession' my diagnosis & meds were changed, my whole mental health plan was altered. It still took a little while but things did improve a lot.
My lows don't seem so deep. I haven't had a full on manic episode for quite some time now. The violent mood swings are extremely rare & I seem to be able to control them better. My anxiety & stress levels are generally reduced. I can actually get out most days & talk to people. Panic attacks still happen occasionally, but with nowhere near the force they did. I can actually go and stay with my relatives for a few days rather than having the screaming in my head to go straight home. Sure, I still get periods of bad depression, times I don't want to be a part of anything, I still prefer to be alone than around too many others, but overall things are just so much better.
All because of one bad day. I really need to get around to posting my whole story here soon, maybe it WILL help some people. Not only to see what I went through but to show there is hope of change, of things getting so much better.
It won't be easy, I know that well. Writing it down rather than trying to say it all is a great idea. I really hope you have the courage, strength & commitment to see it through. To make sure as much as possible gets to those that need to hear it.
I have faith in you, try to have some in yourself too.
Take care, stay safe, be strong.
07 Mar 2016 11:04 PM
07 Mar 2016 11:04 PM
08 Mar 2016 07:54 AM
08 Mar 2016 07:54 AM
Hey @Drac0
Thank you for supporting me so much. Just being here for me so I can 'talk' to you makes me feel so valuable, so worthy. And I feel that you really do understand.
When I read your post just before I started to cry. Because I know that I have an opportunity, a chance today to seek help. I know that my psych (who'll I'll see today) will be interested in what I have to say but also i think he will be amazed at my courage for (a) seeking out another opinion and seeing someone and (b) returning to see him. That in itself is huge for me. Because I am so scared at the moment of what he will say. I know it's my head talking and I am so emotional. I am going to give him my letter and I guess we will talk about it and what happened with the 'falling out'. I guess my psych does know so much about me having seen me for the past 2 years. He knows my family history, he knows about my mental illness and he is a nice guy. It's just that at the end of last year I 'cracked' big time with him and that's why I decided to see someone else.
But that failed dramatically yesterday. I can now see that no matter how many times i change psychs, they can't change me, I have to be the one that changes me. And it is bloody scary, it is so scary that sometimes i am too scared to even want to change. God I hope I can go through with this today. I can't pull out now, the appt has been made and I need to see him to talk about what happened. He needs to know what i was thinking and my behaviour and what I did. I just hope I have done the right thing.
I have to stay focussed for today. I will probably fall into a heap later on and maybe i will take tomorrow off work (just to chill out a bit on my own).
@peace thank you for your message. Yesterday was an emotionally exhuasting day and I was glad to be able to get an appt for acupuncture - it was amazing. I will discuss the letter with my psych and ask him about hospital. I'll let you know how it all goes later on today.
Chat again later
08 Mar 2016 08:40 AM
08 Mar 2016 08:40 AM
Hi @BlueBay.
I really hope you can stay focused & get through today, doing what's needed. You already know it's going to be a tough day, so it's good you can prepare for it somewhat. Getting it all out in the open could mean so much, even when you already know it is going to be painful. Keep strong.
My thoughts are with you today. Take care.
08 Mar 2016 12:37 PM
08 Mar 2016 12:37 PM
08 Mar 2016 02:54 PM
08 Mar 2016 02:54 PM
Hope it went ok & you're alright @BlueBay
08 Mar 2016 02:55 PM
08 Mar 2016 02:55 PM
08 Mar 2016 03:13 PM
08 Mar 2016 03:13 PM
@Angels333...I thought it was me who is the regular calling lieline .....??
08 Mar 2016 03:22 PM
08 Mar 2016 03:22 PM
My life is very far from perfect right now but I can tell you it is so different from five & more years ago. Because of this 'confession' my diagnosis & meds were changed, my whole mental health plan was altered. It still took a little while but things did improve a lot.
My lows don't seem so deep. I haven't had a full on manic episode for quite some time now. The violent mood swings are extremely rare & I seem to be able to control them better. My anxiety & stress levels are generally reduced. I can actually get out most days & talk to people. Panic attacks still happen occasionally, but with nowhere near the force they did. I can actually go and stay with my relatives for a few days rather than having the screaming in my head to go straight home. Sure, I still get periods of bad depression, times I don't want to be a part of anything, I still prefer to be alone than around too many others, but overall things are just so much better.
All because of one bad day. I really need to get around to posting my whole story here soon, maybe it WILL help some people. Not only to see what I went through but to show there is hope of change, of things getting so much better.
This is amazing writing @Drac0
YOu are so looking into yourself and being honest.....that is so hard for so mant people. Can I just comment that both @Jacques and @Sukourapuss would reallt understand what you ae saying.......
This is what I got out of it........
You had a bad day from unfair care and isolation for not saying your proper needs and no one had insight to sit you down for a long time.
You have memories of these times and if you sit down and thinnk about it, you have memories of out of control days and now you can see that what you had to do to get where you are now.
Is this right?
Takec are dude enjoy reading you from PP
08 Mar 2016 03:24 PM
08 Mar 2016 03:24 PM
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