Red's house

[The-red-centaur]

Urgh. Now family shit is done I can get back to my real world. 

I need to figure out how to pull myself up and get back on track. Life had stopped since I moved NDIS providers and I've been sick, tired, and lost amongst it as well. I have to move house again in the next month or too which is going to suck coz I just started getting settled here. 

Anywho. I need to make some goals again and get back to my business. I'm so tired of being tired and depressed and not being able to do what I want or need to do. I need to actually force myself to at least get out of bed every day. Little steps. Then hopefully in the new year it will be easier to return to operations and get going again. 

Also another thing my GP doesn't seem to know why I so sick, unwell and exhausted all the time. Hopefully answers come soon. 

[tyme]

Hey @The-red-centaur ,

I hear you. I'm sorry it's so hard. 

So you ended up setting up your business? Are you still studying?

[The-red-centaur]

@tyme I started it at the beginning of the year. i didn't get too far the few markets i did however, i also had to stop studying after a month because i got very sick. I want to get back into it though and also have more an online presence with my art. 

But little steps. for now i just gotta get back to painting

[The-red-centaur]

On Friday I did a painting...first time in ages. 

I'm really stressed out at the moment. Christmas is on the horizon and all that stupid nonsense. 

I have to move out of my house before Christmas. How the F is there going to be somewhere I can move into. Urh. 

Hmmm maybe another Christmas homeless and Fkd up. Who knows. 

[Jynx]

@The-red-centaur oh gosh, that is a gorgeous piece!! I love it! Is that a lighthouse near you? Looks kinda like the one in Byron Bay! 

Oh my lawd the stars have not aligned for ya have they? I'm so sorry to hear that you're facing homelessness hun, that's truly awful. I think house hunting is also one of the most stressful activities anyway, let alone this time of year. 

I can make a little note so the team all know where you're at - if is there anything you can think of that we could do to help support you let us know!! Sometimes, even stuff like regular check ins can help us to stay tethered - it is very doable, just let us know! 

[The-red-centaur]

@Jynx I'm so tired of it. My fatigue has been improving, provably from all my anxiety. And then yesterday I was in ED with stomach issues and sever pain. Unknown cause. 

I'm can't sleep tonight. It's really hot and my allergies are annoying. My pain hasn't improved. And I'm thinking why can't life ease up like you said. 

My depression had been better after my family returned to their homes and all that shit from my mum was over. 

I had been making a new routine with my new NDIS company. Then we got notice we had to be put of my house the week before Christmas. 

At least I don't have to put up a Christmas tree. I hate Christmas and December. Fml

[Jynx]

@The-red-centaur ugh, so you were sorta finding your feet a bit then life deals you the potential homelessness card? Rotten luck hun, I'm so sorry to hear it. Do you have a plan of action or is it all flying by the seat of your pants right now?

[The-red-centaur]

I have a house confirmed and I move on the 20th. 

[The-red-centaur]

I have thoughts i don't know what to do with. I'm writing some jumbly stuff here to see if it helps. 

2024, it's nearly done. I have been through a lot this year. A lot has changed. I have changed. I'm wrapping it up by quitting therapy. I'm being discharged by mental health sservices. i guess I'm learning better skills. It's good. I never thought I'd find myself getting to a point where mainstream community mental health says I can be discharged. Like how, me, of all people. 12 years of in and out of hospital and ED weekly, to like no ED last month. Which means I didn't self harm. Which means I don't need it like I used to. 

I'm healing. Slowly. Somehow fragments are coming together and the bits of me are becoming more whole. 

Pain will be a part of my life forever, but I don't have to inflict it anymore. I can love all the people in my head, and help us feel ok. 

I feel tired today. Always so tired. Rest. Its going be OK. Will i really be OK. Like I am safe now. Is it going blow up again. I mean I want to trust people won't hurt me again. But it's hard. I am starting by trusting myself I guess. I don't have to have the answers. Its ok. Its going be ok. 

[tyme]

Wow wow and wow @The-red-centaur 

I hear this is a HUGE step. As exciting as it can be, I hear the hesitancies. It can be scary 'out there', but it's amazing you have come to this place.

I remember when I was discharged from community mental health services. It was bittersweet. it was scary in that I felt I was now on my own. But it was also proof that I've come so far in my journey.

We are here for you @The-red-centaur 

Hugs