Fragile

[Appleblossom]

Thanks for dropping be @Historylover 

So much for socialising for beginners ...

At least you did not say "I told you so".

I needed to slow down a bit, am not stopping getting out and about, but shifting and weaving in and out of different "scenes", and not doing too much.  I guess it is all the learning about wo and how.  Thinking I should be more guarded and learning to put on body protection.  Learning to have a less gullible mindset and be slightly more challenging.  The reality is those who have gotten away with stuff do not like the slightest challenge.  

[Historylover]

Just keep those training wheels handy, @Appleblossom...and the knee pads!😉

BUT, as I've always said—the perception we have of 'friends' is all wrong. We all wait and hope to be accepted by people who aren't worthy of us, and who aren't going to accept us anyway. We have to start with a whole family unit/tribe, with no exclusions, and build our empire from that base. Then when we let others into our empire, they know they are honoured guests.

We have to fix our families first. I'm waiting to be proven wrong.

[Appleblossom]

Good in theory re fixing family @Historylover but mostly I cant fix people and have to accept...  Love the training wheels and knee pads ... images .. will use them Ta Muchly

[Historylover]

@Appleblossom, I'm sorry. I was out of line, conflating my problems with everyone else's.

My problems, my mind-bending research which is pulling me further and further along is doing my head in—literally. 

You're right. Families are wrecked.

Have a good day.

[Appleblossom]

Hey @Historylover I did not think you were out of line. No need to say sorry. I agree with you.  Family is of the ultimate importance.  It has usually been my first priority, then work, then ... friendship or socialising ... but in parenting one sees how interwoven all the social stuff is ...

I just have to face that my family members have been deeply wounded from when I was young.  I know you have done lots of work on your family of origin and yourself.  I wish it were not so fragmented for either of us.  I still reach out but am beginning to be kinder to us all.  The reasons why things are, are important, but still at my stage I do often find consolation in acceptance ....

 

until the next time my apple cart is tipped ... I guess ... and I feel outrage at the injustice ... pick up all my spilled fruit and continue again ...

Hope we both have a decent day.

[Historylover]

Thanks for your understanding, @Appleblossom. I agree, our family wounds are deep and, in my case, have turned us against each other and warped our sense of connection and identity. We are all getting older, and I would love to leave our family relationships in an established, better shape than we inherited before I finish my life's final race. I guess what will be will be.

I hope your day is kind to you too. Mine has shaped up well.

[Appleblossom]

@Historylover Glad your day was not too bad. Mine was good. I got a lot done, was very anxious about a visitor but got through it fine. Its darker now. I need to close curtains and pull blinds down. 

Cheers

Apple

[Historylover]

@Appleblossom, I'm going to add to my long post that my ex-psy stripped my damaged psyche/personality back to the bare bones. I certainly was an experiment, and he had to override his own personality in the pursuit of greater knowledge and true psychic healing. However, his own personality was also in the mix and he wasn't only fixing me, he was fixing himself. I think I may be beginning to understand the two versions of himself that he has now presented. 

[Appleblossom]

Thank you for trusting me so much @Historylover 

I too look and find solace in things scientific and Godly or mystical or spiritual.  

it has always been the way I am.  In some ways we may be soul sisters ... I have seen you give support to many others here on the forum and am glad you are have some security in basic needs.  Soulwork seems a path many of us are consciously treading.  I am not very New Agey, but did experience a bit of it in my early 20s, it broadened my teenage christianity and I am glad of both of aspects.  I did study psychosocial theory and psychodrama for a few years in my mid 20s. 

I am wary of dogmatism and abuse of power that can and often has occurred in churches ... but also other environments. I just try to go with what strikes me as true and the right way to go, but have many hiccups ....I read in theology, but am wary of overusing the God word, as I got donged on the head a lot by people tossing around the god word.  Still there are metaphysical experiences that seem so common among humans... and yes there is good stuff on the net .... amongst the rubble .... I feel some commonality between spiritual aspects of Buddhist and Christian spirituality ... stream entrants ... and the amorous universe ... but now I am babbling ... too many concepts ... just sending a cooee to YOU.

Regarding your ex pdoc... it is a huge vulnerability when we share our souls. Maybe there is an aspect of masculine and feminine energies that have been at work in your experience since leaving him. Polarities and merging ... I am not sure. The attachment that can happen as we work through our stories and early experiences.  Some therapy has happened within you.  I see it as your work, not him.  When we have people on a pedestal a lot it is natural to slip into the mindset ... of what would they think? or how would they perceive this or that...

There is also that concept of the inner critic.. or superego ... some of it is ourselves... some of it is internalising others into those roles within our psyches.  Also the newer theory of internal family systems .... archetypes etc ... all these I look at, but do not jump on any one bandwagon.

I have a lot of values regarding human growth and potential, but not much experience of being in a strong position until recently in my life, where I realise I do have basic material security than ever before in my life, which enables me to recover and bounce back. 

I saw my old osteo this week.  She has known me for longest, (20 years) knows my son, and knows how much physical pain I was in when I first met her. I just see her a few times per year but the continuity is really helpful for me.  I now have to travel to see her as she stopped coming to my region, and am in the form of relationship with her ... that is professional but with deep mutual respect.  She has never been prescriptive.  She commented this week that I rub my head and face a lot and that is a good natural urge ... as it will stretch my fascia gently and enable more relaxation.