Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[mumof4adults]

Hi - I'm new here. 

I'm the mum of four gorgeous adults, one of whom is very unwell...

I'm so exhausted and overwhelmed and while I have amazingly supportive friends, I feel like I don't want to burden them with all the disasters of my life at the moment.

My story is a long one... but to cut it very short I just feel like we can not take a break in our family. My unwell daughter said it best today when she said to me "if I was watching Days of Our Lives or some other crappy show and they put in all these dramas - I would call bullshit because that many things can not possibly happen to one family in such a short amount of time."

The last 2 years have been so hard.

Feb 2015 saw my 19 y/o son diagnosed with a bone tumour. A year of tough treatment and a hip replacement has seen him get well - but as his mum I was pretty shattered to watch him go through that. Mentally he was strong and amazing but it took a toll on the whole family.

Just as he was getting back on his feet, my 24 y/o daughter was raped in America. She was suicidal over there and we managed to get her home in one piece. Five months after the attack and after lots of therapy she was starting to get back on track - back to sport and about to start a job - when the guy she had been seeing before being attacked (and who had been amazingly supported) informed her that he had been seeing someone else behind her back the whole time.

She was too fragile to take this and had a complete mental breakdown and ended up in the local psych hospital for four days. Then she was sent home to us and we had to find help for her!  

That was in December. We found a bunch of therapists and she went onto some drugs which made her even more suicidal. She got off those and was drug free till we found another psychiatrist and finally some drugs that seemed to be working for her. She even got some sleep.

After another few weeks of two steps forward and one step back she was starting to feel like everything was going to be okay, even if life was still a huge struggle. She was having some good days at last.

Then last week we discovered that our dog - her wonderful companion who has heard so many of her secrets - has bone cancer and needs to be put down. We can't save her.  We are all heartbroken but Miss 24 is devastated.

And to top it all off, on Friday we found out that my cousin's wife who has been battling ovarian cancer (and who Miss 24 is very close to) isn't going to make it and only has a couple of weeks left to live. 

It would be so hard to deal with anyway but when I'm the main carer for this gorgeous girl with serious mental health issues, it's almost impossible. I have to deal with my own grief and help her with panic attacks and her mental health.

Thanks for listening. I'm so exhausted. 

[Former-Member]

@mumof4adults.  I hear you and have some inkling of an idea of what you must be going through.  I am so sorry I have no answers for you.  But I feel sure others here will come on board to offer assistance, that I dont feel I am capable of giving.  I just wanted to respond to you because so far nobody else had, and I didnt want you to feel all alone.  

You are obviously a wonderful and supportive mum, and person in general. And I commend you for all that you do.

Please accept a very warm and caring hug from me. I'm sorry its all I have to give.  

• 

[mumof4adults]

Thank you - that is all I need right now... just to be heard!  And a virtual hug never goes astray lol.

I am one of the strongest people I know but I reckon I'm getting close to burn out. 

It's easy to say and to know that you need to look after yourself but so hard to do when everyone around you needs your support... 

[Former-Member]

Thanks @mumof4adults.  I will see if I can direct a couple of other lovely people here to offer further support.  Certainly you have such a lot going on, and over a long period of time.  It takes a toll doesnt it?

Perhaps my lovely friends @Faith-and-Hope and @Shaz51 may like to get in touch as well.

Sherry xx 

[Shaz51]

Hello @mumof4adults 

firstly I like to say welcome to the forum

sending you lots of hugs my friend

 It does  takes a toll after a while

you wrote --It's easy to say and to know that you need to look after yourself but so hard to do when everyone around you needs your support... -- I know totally what you mean , I have had a carer`s burnout, I have 4 step children who are adults now , a Husband who has Mental Illness  , and my 85 years old mum just had major bowel surgery , and my cousin (sister) who is a year younger than me has secondary cancer , and I have Kidney disease stage 4 with borderline diabetes

I am still learning self care , but I am finding doing the little things for me is the best -- like a cupps on the front steps

Remember you are not alone , and we are here for you

[mumof4adults]

Thank you @Shaz51 (I think I did the @ thing correctly)...

I do feel alone - that's why I came here.
thank you for your kindness

[Shaz51]

Hello @mumof4adults

Topic Tuesday // Burnout // 24 Jan. 7pm AEDT -- If you like to have a look at this thread about Burnout -- it is closed but you are very welcome to read all the messages

and also Tomorrow night we are Live on Topic tuesday

Topic Tuesday // Mindfulness and CBT for carers // 21 March, 7 - 9pm AEDT -- If you like to join us tomorrow night with any questions, please tick it if you are interested and you will be sent a e-mail message

[Shaz51]

(I think I did the @ thing correctly)...-- You Did @mumof4adults xx

[Shaz51]

Thank you @Former-Member 

I see you are coming to topic tuesday tomorrow night too

[Former-Member]

Yes @Shaz51, I hope to be here for that. But it will depend if I can get dinner out of the way early to enable me to get here.  Although I guess it wont matter if I am a bit late, will it?  Sounds like it will be good.  Perhaps @mumof4adults may be able to come too?

Sherry xx