Battles

[Dreamy]

@MJG017 it's horrible having to leave them at the vet. I only found this all out when she was going in to be desexed and they did routine bloods first and her levels were elevated. So it had to be cancelled and I had to wait until she could have an ultrasound to find out what was going on. She was put on antibiotics as she had a bladder infection and we were hoping that might have been the cause but it was so much worse than that. My world had already fallen apart before all this happened so I was already extremely fragile and it really just sent my world into complete chaos. She was my lifesaver, and was with me through my hardest moments in my life so losing her took a massive part away from me. She will forever be my baby, there's not a day that goes by that I don't think of her and the joy she brought to my life. 

[Dreamy]

@MJG017 and thankyou for the hugs ❤️

[MJG017]

@Ru-bee 

Today, and most days to be fair, it looks like watching a lot of YouTube videos and getting some game time on my PC.

[MJG017]

@Dreamy 

I get that.  I also tend to keep things to myself a lot because I want to bring other people down.  I had this very conversation with my partner on Monday because she was upset that I don't tell her how i'm feeling a lot of the time.  I know she's struggling with the situation as well, which is why i don't tell her everything... if she knew, it would only make her feel worse.  So i try to find a balance.  Still gets me in trouble though apparently.

So take this advice as if it's from someone who doesn't follow it himself.  People who care about us don't care about if we bring them down, because they're thinking about us, not themselves when they are supporting us.  We're here for you, especially on this incredibly sad day, and we'll share that sadness in the hope it will make it a bit easier for you with other to share it with.

It can all go so wrong so fast with losing people we love, and pets we love.  I don't really see a difference, it's about how much they mean to us rather than how many legs they have.  It must have been such a shock for it to happen so young.  All we can do is sit with you and we can all remember the much loved furry family we've lost over the years. 😢

[Dreamy]

@MJG017 it's very much about finding that balance. I know how hard it must be for your partner watching you go through this and I can understand you not wanting to tell her how you are feeling sometimes. I really can see it from both sides and it's so hard to find that balance in between. But know that she is there for you and she wants to make sure you are ok just as much as you want to make sure she is ok aswell. 

Knowing i have you guys here to talk to today really does help to know that I'm not alone and to know that i can share these sad and painful times with others.

It really can go wrong so fast and it did with her. I watched her go from this playful puppy to an old dog in a very short space of time. 

I thought I could rest if I took enough but apparently not, I only slept for 30 minutes and now i feel like crap. I just wanted to not face the rest of the day.

[MJG017]

@Dreamy 

It is very difficult.  I don't want to keep her out as she is a part of it and my only in-person support and i do tell her stuff.  But she knows i don't tell her everything and i don't tell her all the time if i'm upset.  I try to, but i know she struggles, and if she knew exactly how much i struggle with everything, which is a lot more than i let on, it will only make her feel worse.  And I'd rather she feels annoyed or a bit worried that i don't tell her everything, than her knowing just how much I do struggle with it, and some of the things i think occasionally.

Anyway, now that we're both cheered up! 😁

I know it's going to be a tough day for you today so try to not force anything or put too much pressure on yourself.  It was always going to be a difficult day to get through.  I know it's going to be so hard not to think about her but remember to think of the good as well, just so you don't overwhelm yourself with just the painful memories.  If it helps, tell us about some of the good times you had with her.  But i completely understand that may just be too much right now.

[Dreamy]

@MJG017 totally understand that. 

I rang the sane support line and had a chat to a lovely person there, so my emotions came flooding out. It's about the only time I can cry, to know that there's someone else on the other end so I don't lose myself completely. 

She really was such a character she loved squeaky toys and would run around the house squeaking them, she was so noisy but I miss that noise now. She would grab a toy and run down the hallway wanting you to chase her and she was clever she would hide around the corner and then run just as you got close to her she 😂. She would also jump around in circles like a bucking bull hitting herself with whatever toy she had in her mouth at the time. I have so many videos of her playing and that's something I'll treasure forever. 

I miss her so much and it hurts like hell, yes I have those good memories but there should have been so many more. 

My head hurts, not sure if it's from crying so much or the tablets or a combination of both. 

[Dreamy]

@Ru-bee are you still around?

[Ru-bee]

Yes I'm still around, been following along in the background @Dreamy 

It's really lovely to hear about your memories and I'm glad that you reached out to the phone line too

[MJG017]

@Dreamy 

She sounds like such a lovely and fun dog to have around.  It's nice that you have videos of her to help treasure those memories, despite the pain it must cause.

That's the most painful bit of losing someone you love so early.  You have the pain of losing them plus the pain that you you missed out on so much more time with them.  But I'm just going to hear that squeaking and imagine her running and jumping around with a you in her mouth.  Just picturing it brings a smile to my face.