Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Salpac]

Hi, I've moved in with my 84 yr old Italian father after my mother died 2 yrs ago. I work full-time and have grown children and grandchildren , so my life is quite busy.
My father just expects me to do it all without any recognition for what I do. I have been unwell at times and still expected to run after him.
He can be quite selfish in that he only thinks of himself. I'm almost at my end and very depressed and unmotivated. I have thought of moving out but can't bring myself to leave him alone. What do I do?

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Salpac 

Welcome to the Forums.

When you are caring for someone, its important to care for yourself and practice self care. Not doing this, can lead to compassion fatigue. One of members Kieara80 wrote about feeling this way here. Similar to yourself, she has also faced the question of wheter or not she should move away from the person she care for. You can read about it here. 

What do some our more senior members think, @Cazzie @Louise @annie1268 and @3forme ? 

[Former-Member]

Hi @Salpac,

I just wanted to check in and see how you are managing?

The role that carer's have within our community is a huge one, and quite often not validated or recognised for what it is. It can be twice as difficult when having a lived experience to manage at the same time.

Reading through other carer's stories may provide you with the empathy and strength that you seem to need at the moment? 

Please know that there are supports out there that could support you to continue in your role as a carer to your father.

Best wishes Salpac,

JumpinJojo

[coffeegirl]

Hi @Salpac 

Being run off your feet without any appreciation is so exhausting!

Are there any community services you can engage with to help? Here is some information on what the Government offers in terms of assistance for the elderly and their carer. Often there is also local organisations that can help out too.

ARAFMI, Carers Australia and Mind are some orgs that jump to mind who could point you in the right direction based on your location.

Also, could you make life a bit easier for you by ordering your groceries online? Both Coles and Woolies offer this. I use this and it is SUCH a weight off. Funnily enough I also save money because I only buy what I need!

I also can't recommend enough seeing someone. Your GP, a counsellor and/or psychologist. You go above and beyond for your father, it's now time to go above and beyond for yourself.

Take care

[Eagle]

Hi @Salpac

I hope things have improved for you. Did you find others' advice helpful?
Eagle

[ivana]

Are your children and grandchildren helping to look after grandpa?

[AlienBP2]

If you don't look after yourself first you cannot cope looking after someone else.
Also you deserve " time out" so look at respite in an aged care home and talk to your community health care staff and centre link.
Your BP ir a councillor may have some suggestions...,
Can other family members help a bit !
It shouldn't be donkey up to you....After all they will all expect something from his will ( he does have one does he?)
So if they expect something they should earn it a bit....be more assertive with relatives
Cheers Allan

[AlienBP2]

Should have read your GP ( Dr) may have some suggestions....maybe if you take him in
To see his Dr may prescribe him some sedative/ antidepressant to help ease his " frustration" Allan