Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Linmerc]

Hi NikNik and Cherrybomb

I just wanted to apologies that I have not been posting or replying recently but I have not been in a good place.

My husband has left us and moved into shared accommodation with a 'female' friend. I am totally devastated, I didn't see it coming.

The kids blame me because I am having a hard time forgiving him because he has lied, cheated, stolen, drank and gambled all during our married life. He is unwilling to give up his mistresses and is going to visit one of them in a few days.

I am not prepared to live like this.

My headspace at the moment is very foggy and I can't think clearly or make any decisions. I am going to the doctors tomorrow to see if he can prescribe something because I am a mess.

I am sorry that I am sharing such bad news but I really need support and encouragement at the moment.

Linmerc

[CherryBomb]

Awww @Linmerc

Please don't apologise.  Thanks so much for sharing what is going on. I really appreciate that you've opened up. I'm so sorry to hear about the news.  Sending you big cuddles (if you want them).

I can only imagine how shocked and overwhelmed you might be feeling right now. To add to it, having your kids blame you for their father leaving could contribute to the intensity, and leave you feeling unsupported and misunderstood. Please know it's not your fault. The kids might not understand the complexity of the situation right now. 

It's understandably hard to forgive and forget. There's damage - hurt and pain -  that takes time to repair and understand. It takes an enormous ammount of strength to say that certain behaviours are not ok. You are being so strong.

Does your family/friends know what has happened? I think it's good you are going to you doctor tomorrow. It might be worth considering speaking to psych too? It might help to clear the fog a little and get thoughts out by talking to someone about it.

Keep writing, we're here for you. 

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Linmerc

Just letting you know that I'm finishing up now for the weekend. Nik will probably not be around this weekend either. But the Forums will still be here. Posts go up within an hour now. So please keep on sharing.

Will keep you in my thoughts this weekend.

CB

[Former-Member]

Hi @Linmerc, just wondering how you are going over the weekend. I'm conscious that sometimes the different pace (I almost wrote slower but it's not always the case!!) of the weekend can make the days tough. If you feel like sharing, we are all here and if not, know that you are in our thoughts...

[Linmerc]

Hi AB1

Thank you for your post and thoughts. The weekend was OK but tough. The kids have been quite hostile towards me. I went to see a friend who knows the whole story and she confirmed my thoughts that basically the kids don't understand. They are too young to understand that my heart is broken and I have every right to feel angry. It's not normal, mental Illness or not, to want to live in this way. I deserve better. I know what my head wants but it's just going to take a while before my heart catches up (I still love him).

I feel so angry towards mental illnesses but I know that no one is to blame. They are not responsible. I wish mental illness was a punching bag so I could punch the living sh.t out of it (it might release some tension). So many lives are affected not just the life of the person affected with a mental illness.

Again thank you for your thoughts. I hope to get stronger with each passing day.

[NikNik]

I'm so sorry @Linmerc - The last thing you need to do is apologise to us! We care about you and I'm glad you have come to the Forums to share your experiences and hopefully the community can be helpful for you.

It must be so hard with the children. You obviously care and don't want to critisise their father, but instead you cop all the hostility.

Going to the GP is a great idea. Would you be open to seeing a counsellor or psychologist if the GP referred you to one?

You mentioned you wish MI was a punching bag so you could punch it - are physical outlets, like punching a punching bag, useful to you?

[Linmerc]

Hi NikNik

Thanks for your post. I'm feeling rather fragile and delicate at the moment and I breakdown for any silly reason. It's so unlike me but I'm hoping I will get stronger each day. I keep thinking that there have been many broken hearts that have healed with time, as will mine.

I was unable to see the GP on Saturday, he was booked out. I will try again. I'm seeing my carers counsellor tomorrow maybe she can help me to move on, give me coping strategies.

I think punching a punching bag would be useful to me to get rid of some anger/frustration. At the moment I am concentrating on myself and allowing myself to heal and adjust.

I care very deeply for other forum members but I feel I need to step back - away from the world of mental illness and concentrate on making myself stronger.

Big virtual hugs and kisses
Linmerc

[Appleblossom]

Dont worry about the forum or apologies @Linmerc Its definitely time for caring for you.

Go gently and good luck