Partners who chose to stay for the long haul

[Sophie1]

@Sasha_86 @Carlachris @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member @Dunks @sharnie   just looked at last few entries on this thread and resonated strongly on many counts - my darling partner is just over the hump of another manic depressive mixed state episode that went for a couple of weeks - was heart breaking to watch the decline into Alzheimer like cognitive ability and motor skill decline - when finally we got to the psych this Monday and he agreed it was an episode and that anti manic medication was needed - it has helped since soooo much - the silly talk has stopped, Motor skills improved and cognitive improving - altho much dizziness and zombie feeling apparently and nausea as adjust to new med - I’m so incredibly grateful for meds - then this morning my darling had a fall and called out for me from downstairs - I think it was a bit dramatised for effect but we then had to spend next hour on eggshells getting ready for work slowly due to back pain - now she is at work and I have a few hours to myself - thus self care time !!! This thread has inspired me to take a break this morning and do something I value that will take the load off me for a change - not sure what yet but it starts with a strong coffee with cream in it !!!! Wishing all the carers a coffee with cream today xxxx 

[Former-Member]

Enjoy @Sophie1  😀

We are having visitors over for lunch so will need to get my skates on - need to go into town to pick up a few ingredients.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Coffee sounds like a good start @Sophie1 ☕️💕

Enjoy your lunch and company too @Former-Member 🌷

[Dunks]

Hi @Sophie1 @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Carlachris @Sasha_86 

Oh coffee and cream for me please.

I can hear and feel your love and frustration .sounds like you are doing an amazing job and doing something for yourself ... well done.

I am in a really fragile place. I have had a huge week at work and home. Mr W is not getting results he wants from all his business deals and is now blaming me and medication and so I am getting yelled at, snapped at and generally being treated like I am the enemy.

It is the illness .... I keep reminding myself but I feel like a piece of china with  cracks in it waiting to break. I sat in the garden last night and I don't think I have ever cried so hard and from so deep inside.  I did not want him to see as this annoys him. 

So coffee and cream sounds wonderful ... when I stop being so teary I will go  out and find myself one. 

Sorry  for having such a big  bleat... this  online thing is great but I could do with a hug right now from someone who actually understands. I get frustrated with people suggesting holidays, or fun times or go to a movie. Oh dear .... sorry folk

[Sophie1]

Hi @Dunks  feeling your hurt and frustration - if you can afford it maybe a plaza neck and shoulders 20min massage or go visit a friend or family member and find that hug you need ... or a nice hot bath - something comforting and physical - sending you virtual 🤗 🤗 hugs ... hope you find some solace today x

[Former-Member]

Yikes @Dunks 

Frustrating when our loved ones can not see where personal responsibility comes into the equation and it can take a while for meds to work - took 3 weeks for Mr D's hypomania to settle - don't know what the usual ETA is for full blown mania, but understand the meds are heavy duty and this can put some patients off  getting  appropriate maintenance meds happening as well as therapy and other lifestyle changes.

I too found the self care mantra to be quite simplistic,  I found I needed to recognise my own emotions, take responsibility for them and once I did that and sorted them out, I found that I could deal with the practical realities of our situation and start living again, which yes, does include self care 😀.

Having people over for meals is self care for me, I love it. 

[Carlachris]

I have built a fishpond in our backyard. My sanctuary. Being outside my hubby tends to leave me alone as it’s a very quiet spot. I can watch my fish swim and play and water the fish as they like to swim under the hose. It’s ever changing like a giant fish tank that I don’t need to clean. It’s such a joy. Hubby loves it as well. I honestly believe we as partners and loved ones need a small part of our day to ourselves. Regenerating.

[Carlachris]

@Sophie1  I can feel the exhaustion in your comment. The silly talk gets to me after a day or two. I always know for us it’s the start of a hyper then very quickly progresses into accusation leading into paranoia. It’s very very hard to break through the cycle. Sometimes our own capabilities are lost in the process. Then we need to get back on track. There’s weeks when I feel so exhausted I truly wonder what I am doing not in my realationship to hubby but in my relationship with myself and I need to stop spontaneously crying in private. That cup of strong coffee with cream sounds delightful.

[Carlachris]

@Dunks we understand. First of all gigantic cyber hug. I’m a good hugger. You are not alone. The deep deep crying is good. It’s awful to go through but GOOD. Gets something out. The walking on eggshells is what I also go through. My hubby is a writer and acedemic, political history and marks exam papers for the medical profession. It’s all done online from home which is great socially for him except for me being the only one in the firing line. He gets OBSESSED at times with the decline of the world Trump, French Revolution happening as we speak, Julian Assange, Pell and Now the NZ attack. It’s all too much for me and way too much for him then down the rabbit hole we go.I  Have learnt to protect myself these days by staying away out the back or in my sewing room with headphones on and music playing. When he comes out of it usually 8-10 days later. I choose a time when I feel I can approach him and tell him exactly how I have been effected. It takes a bit to get through but I am quietly firm and appeal to his intelligence. If I get the timing wrong all hell breaks loose. He never realizes until after the fact what he has been doing he just can’t see the intensity at the time. It’s all such a awful roundabout.

those who suggest a movie etc......we know have NO IDEA....they are helping but as lost as we are so far from reality. Second big hug hope your day has improved. I’m going to go and buy myself an ice cream. Just because I can... 

[Dunks]

That is beautiful @Carlachris
Thank you for sharing