Help with boundry statagies

[Determined]

Many similarities there @Janiee

I have often said that I need to appear happy for my darling to function but if there is any 'risk' that I may be content with life then it all comes crashing down.

I can almost guarentee getting a call re self harm thoughts whenever at critical times like before exams at uni or at any sort of function doing something for me 😕

Most recent example was multiple was when I was away for the day doing a motocycle licence course. Something I had been looking forward to turned into 2 days of stress and anxiety wondering what I would be coming home to. So yes unfortunately I get that. 

[Determined]

I do think (for us) that some of the resistance to getting help is around the emotional energy required to address core issues. Particularly surrounding past trauma (real or percieved). 

One big issue for us is fear of rejection (one of the children is exhibiting similar traits). This fear however seems to drive behaviour that would warrant rejection 😕

Almost like 'you are going to reject me anyway so I may as well give you a reason to' 

Then when any form of rejection comes we feel hard done by and no insight into the behavioural cause. 

There are times when I feel compassion for this and then there times that I get l resentful. Im a constant work in progress in this regard.  

[Janiee]

I think we are living almost identical lives @Determined 😖.

I think you are spot on with the rejection thing too. She has pushed so many people away and expects me to do the same. She also can't move passed the hurt, real or perceived, once she thinks you have done her wrong, you are out. Is this something your Darling does too? I tried to explain for her own peace oc mind, sometimes you just have to forgive people and move forward.

She informs me today she hasn't been taking any meds as she doesn't want all these drugs in her system for years, apparently she doesn't have the same problem with taking recreational drugs. I tried to point out the hypocrisy in that ststenent, but you can imagine how that went....

[Determined]

'She also can't move passed the hurt, real or perceived, once she thinks you have done her wrong, you are out. Is this something your Darling does too?'

Yes @Janiee my darling is like that.

On the flip side when she does something everyone (mostly me) is supposed to get over it and move on.  

[Janiee]

@Determined, my admiration for you is enormous, I know some days/weeks you must struggle,  but you are still there, doing your best day in, day out. Your love for your Darling must be enormous (i can't think of a better word). You are stronger than you know or feel. My hat goes off to you. I feel your pain x.

I keep getting told that she can't help what she is saying, that doesn't make it any less painful, although, i am numb to the insults now, mostly.  I just hate to see her so hurt and lost and she doesn't seem to see we can fix this

[Determined]

@Janiee I am far from perfect.

Mostly I am just stubborn and not a quitter lol.

When things are really bad I tell myself I am doing it for the children or what ever else I can cling to to keep me going at the time. It is definatly not easy as you would know. 

I agree while we can be numb to the insults they do still hurt .

[Determined]

Quick check in @Janiee

Hope all is well as can be for you and your family. 

[Determined]

Thinking of you @Janiee 

[Janiee]

Thank you @Former-Member and @Determined, been a busy couple of weeks, so I've been a bit MIA. Some horrendous days, some fantastic days. But I'm keeping on, keeping on lol. Hope you are both well. 

[Determined]

Good to hear from you @Janiee