@Shaz51 , the projects sound great! Hopefully Mr Shaz can keep it to a budget. Why did he decide to take himself off the meds? How do you feel about this?
Yes my sister is the first born. I think she would rather have been an only child. I have a very vivid memory of being 5 or 6 and trying to hug her and she just pushed me away. She would have been around 9.
That stayed with me since and it's one of the memories my psychologist made me think about during EMDR.
The truth is I am feeling very low and like life is overall sadness and resentment. If it wasn't for my kids I think I wouldn't be here. They truly keep me alive. These days I just don't think my husband can improve enough to make the effort to emotionally connect at a deeper level. I think overall he can easily live an ok life without love or connection. I guess that's how cptsd is. I shouldn't think this but I feel the only people that would truly suffer if I wasn’t here would be my kids. I can't give them that pain. I feel defeated and like there's really no much point anymore. I guess I am tired.
If I could learn meditation then perhaps that might help me disengage. I think caring too much has hurt me deeply.
I'm sorry to hear about your cousin. It's sad when people reject you without a good reason or even a conversation ir trying to sort things out. Do you still keep in touch with her? I stay in touch with my sister but it'd very superficial. I do feel very lonely. Thank you for being here and holding space for me and my sadness.
Hope you have a good sleep 😘
