Grandparent Alienation

[ELKE88]

Hi, 

just wondering if anyone has experienced parent alienation through their childhood, divorce and social alienation,  and now experiencing grandparent alienation? 

Experiencing  life is meaningless without my family and there's no solution. 

Thanks 🙏 

[Historylover]

Yes here, @ELKE88. Parent and grandparent alienation. I'm sorry, I don't have any answers as I've not found any for myself. I just wanted to let you know you're not on your own with this issue. I agree with what you have said.

[Appleblossom]

Sadly @ELKE88 Yes here too ... like @Historylover 

Willing to talk if you need ... just tag ... its usually complicated and not really good for health of humans ... even if they believe alienating and cutting off people is their right.

[ELKE88]

@Appleblossom  

Hi, thanks for replying. 
Yes, it's an insidious type of abuse. 
Difficult for anyone who hasn't experienced this to understand the mourning of children who are still living. I miss my family  so much... Not much fun being isolated from society. 
26 years down the track and I thought my sons would see the truth but, PA syndrome is hard to reverse.. 

[tyme]

I'm hearing you @ELKE88 . That sounds so difficult to know your family are there, but not there at the same time.

Please know you are not alone. It sounds like it is a grief/loss for people.

Have you ever reached out to Griefline? 

Griefline 1300 845 745 https://griefline.org.au/

They may be able to share more with you in terms of this loss and how to manage.

You deserve it.

[Appleblossom]

Parental Alienation us a form of abuse to the child even if they are unaware and feel they are fully informed. @ELKE88 

In my case my son did partly understand, but has suffered for it, so I am doubly sad about all that.  

It is difficult to integrate socially as people jump to false conclusions, or just do not want to know.  How to stay true to oneself, and live a full life ... in these circumstances ...is difficult.

[ELKE88]

Thank you

[ELKE88]

@Appleblossom 

My eldest son understands to a degree, and we do have a relatively good relationship considering...albeit he struggles with life which is devastatingly sad. 
Unfortunately, my sons are all involved in the family businesses along with their wives.
My eldest son is torn with emotional pressure to still appear loyal under the control of his father. 
Yes, to remain loyal to oneself and regain my dignity to a long time for me to grasp, but also came with consequences. 
Recently, my sons new partner suggested I meet her at my grandsons sporting event...

apprehensively I attended... excitement led to spiralling into deep sadness as the youngest grandchild asked who I was...

Then, not by coincidence, my ex husband arrived, and to see him, and  everyone flock to him like bees to honey, heightened my anxieties. 
The flashbacks of physical violence consumed me. I regressed and two weeks unable to feel hope. 
To erase those visuals seems impossible. 
Every moment of the day my thoughts are of my family, and the loving memories linger...

[Historylover]

Perhaps it all just takes a lot of healing time, @ELKE88, and we just have to ride it out. 38 years here, but it has been completely necessary to clear the field of all the inherited practices, interferences, crossed purposes, mixed values and consequences that left us in an unimaginable tangle. I've been forced to make a life for myself and have had experiences that I would never have been able to achieve otherwise. I don't crave the company of people whose only purpose is to hurt me. We just have to keep going and rebuilding ourselves. 

[Appleblossom]

@ELKE88 

Domestic violence trauma as with any major trauma goes deep and when we are triggered it can take a while to rebalance.  After I stabilised after I left my marriage and began getting better... when triggered I knew I had at least 10 days of agitation tears and difficulties.  Gradually as time has gone on I am triggered less often ... maybe there is hope ....

I still have little bits of hope around reconnecting with my daughter but I have also been warned by my son to be realistic and that is not going to happen.  At the moment I have bought a few gifts for her and kids and trying to figure out how to get them to her ... which I will work through with my counsellor ... as it is a mine field still ... but in a way we are doomed if we do and doomed if we dont.

Do you have other supports?

Your feelings at your grandson's sporting event make sense ... SAD in so MANY ways.  Maybe his mum was trying to the right thing including you but it is such a delicate situation .... and yes the little ones should know their kin.

Having family businesses would complicate things... and speaks to the issues of power imbalances in the situation.   

Yes @Historylover ... description of the mess ... of conflicted values loyalties and all that ... can be accurate ... and sorting things out matters ... though I also believe human life is messy ... and so we cannot everything all neat and ordered in relationships as we might in other areas of life. 

What to do? Can be a paralysing question ... in your times of distress ... what helps ... art ... exercise ... cleaning ... making things? 

As women are often more relational beings ... it is difficult to be disconnected ... but I hope you have some security ... a cosy nest in which to heal the woundedness.

Walking with you