No energy left to fight.

[Scream58]

I feel beaten at the moment. 

My life constantly moves from one struggle to the next and I feel like I have no fight left in me. 

I was sexually abused as a child and from then on almost all relationships include some form of abuse. From physically & emotionally abusive partners to workplace bullies. I seem to have a knack of getting a raw deal.

Today it's Centrelinks turn again. I'm unemployed and receiving Jobseeker payments. I had a stroke 3 months ago and while the stroke itself was minor it has left me with chronic fatigue. My Dr gave me a Medical Certificate for three months in December and last week gave me another. I submitted that to Centrelink and today got a letter to say from 18th March I'm expected to resume my Jobsearch. I don't know how they expect me to work when 5-10 minutes of activity leaves me exhausted.

I have cried all day today, not unusual because since the stroke I've struggled with my emotions. There's hardly a day when I don't cry. 

My bills are piling up because my medical costs can be up to $300 a fortnight and I'm not eligible for any assistance. I live in a regional town so have to travel to appointments. This can be up to a three hour round trip. 

I think about suicide every day and have made attempts in the past. I feel myself sinking and am powerless to stop. I'm not sure I even want to stop.

[NatureLover]

Hi @Scream58 , I'm so sorry you find yourself in this situation 😞

I'm very sorry to hear that Centrelink haven't accepted your medical certificate. I can also sympathise with your chronic fatigue and hopelessness 😞

I have lived with constant SI (suicidal ideation) and it's the pits. I really feel for you. 

I really hope your situation improves and that you can get your energy back, and a bit of hope. 

[Historylover]

Hello @Scream58. Our situations are very similar so i'm not able to offer advice. I can't even help myself at the moment. I know very well how you feel, and dealing with government agencies is a trauma in itself. I just wanted to let you know that I know what you're going through. Sending best wishes and hope things get a little better for you soon.

[Former-Member]

Hi there @Scream58 
I’m one of the peer support workers here on the forums & I’m sorry to hear what you’re currently going through with Centrelink & your experience of things building up.

Have you found any crisis lines useful in the past around your suicide thoughts?
I’m just offering these resources here in case you want reference to them as you already probably know SANE is not a crisis service.

These are both 24hr service:

Lifeline: 13 11 14

Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467

If in immediate danger: 000

Not sure if you know but alternatively we also have SANE Help centre that offers free phone counselling (10am-10pm) & 1:1 Peer support services (10am-4pm) available if you would find chatting with someone more intimately about your situation helpful?

Lastly there is also a peer support based group called alternative to suicide which provide a non-clinical environment to connect with others & supports around folks experiencing thoughts of suicide.
You can find an AUS wide online group here:
https://alt2su-nsw.net/support-groups/

I hope you can connect with others members here on the forums who can relate & understand what you're going through.

Take care
Flybluuebird

[wellwellwellnez]

I just had a quick look up of the medical-exemption procedures and it seems like you've been doing the right things. I know you're probably pacing yourself as best you can right now, but I d have three "admin thoughts"

- The decision might be appealable (more appealable if it was a robot decision).

- What "stream" are you in? I'm a "B" client these days. I've heard that stream C is a lot more kind and people centered.

- Contacting your agency ahead of time and communicating your needs gives them the better chance to make their appointments less harmful.

- When assistance is hard to come by, your standard ngo charities can be a good in a pinch (and can also have ideas for other supporting doors).

Also, breathe and know that you have oh so much value. Centrelink is often wrong but self-care is always right.

[Scream58]

I am getting support and counseling with a local Social Worker and through the Sexual Assault Support Service.

I've just got home from another 3 hour round trip for a medical appointment. To top my day off someone ran into my ute in the car park and didn't leave contact details. I just can't take a trick at the moment.

 

[Scream58]

I don't know what stream I'm in. Wasn't aware such things existed. I haven't had any contact with my provider since November. They told me they only meet with clients to "tick boxes". I'm in everyone's too hard basket.

I'm 63yo and been mostly unemployed (have done some casual work) since April 2018. Back then Centrelink strongly encouraged me to take my Superannuation out because they said I was too old and had too many health issues to assist me with finding a job or retraining. Four years on, Superannuation is gone, I have more health issues and now they expect me to look for a job.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Scream58,

It sounds like it's been a rough day and a rough period of time generally. I know what Centrelink is like and my heart goes out to you that you're dealing with that

This may well have been (or currently be) organised, but just in case not I thought I'd ask/mention - have you had the support of a case worker / social worker? With health and financial issues, I'm aware they could provide support to help tackle some of these concerns 

I hope you can take care and do something nice for yourself today- a nice cup of something, music you enjoy, time to rest... whatever that might look like 💗

[Scream58]

I've had no support at all from Centrelink or my Job Network Agent. I wouldn't even know where/how to start to get the support.
Contact with either of these agencies give me massive anxiety attacks.

[Historylover]

@Scream58 If only they had an ounce of humanity to understand the distress they cause people. I just wish they had the intellect and sufficient compassion to ask themselves how they would like to be treated if they were in the same situation – and that they would remember that they are there to serve the public, not use the public for their own self-aggrandizement. 

I gave up on one of those agencies long ago and only deal with them in writing. They are bad for my health and could turn this placid personality into a screaming termagant!  Fortunately my reports are such that posting is possible. 

Sending best wishes @Scream58. You're tough!!