Why am I like this??

[Yeahright86]

• When I'm alone in social areas I have intense anxiety and want to hide away. The most unusual things frighten me like loud talking and then my brain creates ideas that people are against me and I must try to isolate. 

I grew up in a home with parents who both have schizophrenia and I remain here still. I love them they are the only family I have and my dog. I would be so lost without my dog as my dog doesn't make me feel discomfort most people make me feel.

I do have multiple sclerosis and serve Anxiety and depression.  But I don't know I feel like sometimes there is more. The mental health hospital indicated I do have trauma and such. I take anti depressants and anti psychotics to ease my trouble mind and they do help!  I've been more stable on them. But it's only now through this stability I feel I'm able to express and evaluate myself more. Very strange.

If I hear my neighbours outside I feel like running inside and hiding away. Or anyone in my street makes me feels extreme discomfort to the point I had to take my dog for walks to other parks. Parks that are quieter and more safer where people who I think are too loud or rude don't bother me.

I really don't want to make friends with people who don't appear nice to me and I don't want to feel like I have to. I'm sick of dealing with the pain they cause me that they don't see. I just want to be somewhere quiet with my dog or support worker. Friendly people do cheer me up tho but I don't like people who are rough rude and inconsiderate. Something in me switches on  some kind of rage and I must isolate from them. They wouldn't understand and have no feeling to how I feel.

[Dimity]

Hello @Yeahright86 and welcome. 

I hear your anxiety but am glad you have your dog and support worker.  Perhaps either or both can help you connect with friendly people in the community at dog parks or community groups... in the meantime I hope you can connect with people here on the forums.  We have a range of diagnoses but often similar experiences . And some are also living with a chronic medical condition which is definitely challenging. 

Sometimes the forums are a bit quiet but I hop others drop by to say hi and welcome.

Take care,

Dimity 

[Appleblossom]

Hey @Yeahright86 

finding a way to self acceptance was key to me feeling better about life and myself. I also had 2  parents with that diagnosis and spent a lot of time understanding it and them and me… in order to feel more free and enjoy more of life. It’s hard. I also grew up in rough areas. Funny how there is a profound sensitivity among many with so called mental illness. Good you have your dog. I spent 5  years volunteering at the local zoo. Partly for company. Animals can be nicer than people sometimes… but also they can be tough… so I try not to be too Pollyanna like. Sorting out body language and real intentions among the people around me. Finally finding balance and perspective. Not all nice people are really nice but we have to start somewhere. Some of the rough nuts can have a heart of gold. It’s tricky. There are many people who are worth it. Remember sometimes it is others who have the problem.Schizophrenia is a tricky legacy. You sound pretty normal for the experience to me. I am old and now have socialised with psychiatrists and some are pretty whacky. Take care 

glad @Dimity replied 

[Yeahright86]

Thank you! I am definitely very sensitive and find immense comfort being around animals especially dogs. I can be myself around them! I do however have to be picky with people immensely but I do apperciate the nice people who are still out there! It's been a pleasure to read your post. Thank you.

[Yeahright86]

• I am not a big poster as I do have social media burnout from the past. It can be a roller-coaster at times. I understand this is a safe space 🙏.  I will however try to pop by and chat when I can.

It seems mental health phone lines are under the pump and are overwhelmed. This and social services. Maybe the forums will become more lively in time. 

[tyme]

Hey @Yeahright86 ,

Hearing you. Social media burnout is so real. It's good to be mindful of this.

Please do pop by when you can. No pressure of course.

We'd love to hear from you.

[Appleblossom]

No pressure to post @Yeahright86 

Good we have some things in common.

If you want to tag people use the @ button like @tyme … hypertext will mean people get notified 

Enjoy your dog 

Apple

[Hope2Recovery]

Hi @Yeahright86 Sorry to hear you are going through this, it must be very tough. I too suffered from anxiety and depression for a long time. I can relate to and feel your pain. I could not go near large crowds or hear loud noises it triggered a panic attack.

I am glad you have your dog (best friend) with you, animals are great companions, caring and compassionate, they can feel what we feel. I can understand too well the feeling of being next to someone rude and mean, I used to just walk away, and only make friends with people who understood me and made me happy. You deserve to be happy and liked, and be friends with good kind people who understand you and treat you well, because you matter!

Please don't be too hard on yourself, engage in activities that bring you joy. Going for a walk with your dog is a very good activity. Wishing you all the happiness you deserve, take care.