New therapist

[Patches59]

@tyme @Dimity   

With the glimpses of more and more memories, both experienced plus things that were told, I find myself thinking of 2 words ….. Intergenerational Trauma

would make sense for huge amount of things

[tyme]

Can you think of something we can do to make it easier for you at this time @Patches59  .

I'm sorry to hear of this trauma that you are struggling with. I hear how much it can affect one's life.

We are sitting with you.

[Dimity]

Thanks for tagging me @Patches59 . Although I started this thread I haven't posted for a while as noone replies.

I'm sorry you're reliving so much trauma. 

Yes I agree intergenerational trauma may well be a thing. From snatches I've heard I think my parents and grandparents had some quite traumatic experiences but they were quite different to what I experienced. 

I'm finding it very difficult navigating relationships with my siblings, and most no longer communicate with me. I'm pretty sure the family dysfunction goes back a long way. 

[Patches59]

@tyme   important things are knowing I can post things and that there are people who will chat and include me in things.  

on Sunday made the heart breaking decision to walk away from my voluntary work.  Hurts so much not being able to spend time with those cats.  Last 2 days struggling to stay awake, last night nightmares started.  Nightmares connected to reasons I walked away.

nothing matters any more.  Too tired of trying

[Dimity]

@tyme am I doing something wrong?

[tyme]

Hey @Dimity ,

Doing something wrong??

I'm looking back at this thread and I'm thinking: Did you ask whether you are doing something wrong because I responded to @Patches59 , and not to you? (Forgive me if I got this wrong).

Other than that, I'm not sure what you mean. Please clarify if you feel up to it.

Just for context, I responded to @Patches59 because they'd tagged me. With my notifications, I go through them once a shift. I tend to start with 100+ notifications, so I don't always respond to everything and read all the posts before.

I'm sorry if this was the case, but from what I know, No, you haven't done anything wrong.

Based on your previous post about sibling relationships, I'm having that issue too.. I'm really angry with my younger sister at the moment. She peeved me off so much today that I sent her a really angry sweary message and I don't want to talk to her. 

We aren't usually like this because we live separately, but at the moment, we all travelled to NSW to visit my parents and there are 8 people in the one house. I'm starting to really hate it and want to leave because I don't want to be living in the same house as my sister. I was so angry I was ready to hop in a taxi to the airport and go home today - I don't really care. But that's me when I'm angry. I just make rash decisions.

[tyme]

Hey @Patches59 ,

I'm so sorry to hear how hard it was for you to walk away from something you cared so much about. 

Are there any opportunities elsewhere for you to seek a similar feeling of involvement and satisfaction?

I can see how much you care about those cats.

[Patches59]

There is nothing similar in my entire town @tyme   

Even though we didn’t always agree, I feel sorry for one specific volunteer (person B) to some degree.  I say some degree as she has the same option to decide to walk away if she wants to.

Manager (person A) was gaslighting me. No matter what I said nothing improved.  Showing her proof of what actually happened or who actually did what made no impact.  (Part of reason I walked away).  Voicemail from person A couple days ago included questions what person B had done to me.  In reply to person A I wrote my decision was not based on anything personal B or any other volunteer had said or done. That decision was due to her gaslighting me (plus couple other things).  Somehow person A has turned my words around and blaming others.

person B sent me message in which she said that based on text I had sent to person A she (person B) never realised she had done anything to upset and was sorry that whatever she did caused me to quit.  

Originally I blamed myself, that my walking away has caused problems for other people.  Today realised it’s not my fault, I did nothing wrong.  Came across this poem today which has helped some.  Hurting today as won’t be able to see one specific cat again …. Little girl I have desperately wanted to adopt for ages, don’t have the availability though 😿

[tyme]

I'm sooo sorry to hear all this, especially as it was a volunteering role @Patches59 . I can see how much you appreciated working with your babies there.

Maybe, it's their loss?

I'm sitting with you and appreciated the quote you have shared @Patches59 

It is a loss... and with loss comes grief. 

You are not alone.

[Dimity]

Sibling relationships can be so fraught @tyme , we don't use the same filters as with other people and in close confines without physical or personal space things can really rankle. You have my sympathy.

I guess  I might be over-sensitive but it can really hurt when I try to respond to someone who tagged me and they completely ignore me. And that's a direct reply, I've given up introducing new topics or extending a conversation as it meets a stonewall.  It triggers my rejection and abandonment buttons and I feel worthless and invisible. And no I'm not complaining about you in particular. It's happened here and on other threads.

It's actually very difficult for me to open up a new thread about personal stuff. Perhaps some threads should be quietly closed  if/when the discussion has run its course.