Edge of insanity: for real

[Stout]

Thanks for that LH

Yes, and more that unfair. They should be sued. As stipulated I took a deep dive into unpleasantness, near insane this time around. And if your wondering, I was camped in may car under a tree. Then I fund some previous support workers, and through Open Arms I managed to stand up. It was a hard fight. I was at the shopfront of the dark side. Near crimnool, and etc. The ded side was present and I had to struggle with the fact that I am alive, and so do the daily chores like make a phone call, eat, do a thing or two. The assailed brain did not want me to do this, however. But I did it anyway, no choice really. As for coping with the trauma, well that was hard. I couldn't ignore it off course, so just faced each day as it came. Also, my support workers have me moving between motels at the moment. So I do a  lot of nothing. My favorite hobby is daybreak at the coffee shop with the papers. Being doing this for several decades. This is much loved by me. And the coffee helps me get grounded at that time, and dilutes my PTSD side effects. I walk one or two k's during the morning, from coffee shop to shop. I find just being in the hustle and bustle kept me grounded, as did the odd hello, the library (now) and so on. But I forced myself to stay on the couch as much as possible, sleep when it came, and drink heaps of herbal teas like chamomile and that. A decent support worker or professional councilor works every time.

Six months later, I am just about back to normal. Like any other person. My condition is mild, complex, and lifelong without change or deterioration. I isolate and alienate more over the years (why you ask).

In the past some years, the good news got out that I was a Psych patient. Later, and not that long ago I acquired my files through FOI. But these were stolen; and further good news escaped into the community. Imagine the psychosis this produced in certain circles. I wonder, are these state, or commonwealth files?

[Stout]

Being on the mental health register is detrimental to one's mental health.

[Asgard]

Hi @Stout 

Man, I have been reading through your posts, and two things shines out in that you will not be beaten and you have the mighty strong inner strength to have gone through what you have detailed.  Would it help at all to journal what you have been through or would that be reawakening old wounds.  Am just shaking my head thinking of what has happened...... Asgard

[Stout]

Your not wrong Asgard. There's plenty more stuff behind all this, not linked to the mental health space.                                               Psychiatrists etal have a history of hunting me in the community. Psychiatrists have a history of injecting me. Psychiatrists have a history of flinging me in the ward. Psychiatrists have a history of treating the 'Label'. Psychiatrists have a history of repeatedly traumatizing me. My case appears in the daily newspapers. And is combined in the Royal Commission enquiries. Psychiatrists are building a history of restraint and seclusion for me. My future is bliqie. I have more than a decade to go!

[Stout]

Sure paints me as a universal bandit doesn't it. Don't forgive me for reading into their legal and medical confectionary though. And their future.

[Stout]

Im disappointed.

I get that I have been strong, but why not. I think that going to the department of complaints wont change the past. Being public about my woes wont change the future either I suppose. And it is my lived experience now, that Psychiatrists are making things in the community worse. I could go on about clinical analyses of how a large clientele pool is good for wages, or something. Or how the pseudoscience of psychiatry is only just beginning to understand humans. Or that at my age I need to be tought lessons on how live on the street at a coffee shop by etals, or that living with mental health occasionaly needs massive interjection and disruption by the state, to reset the order of the Universe. I get all that. I also get that the particular Psychiatrist  aforementioned set me up for clinical disaster and an unraveled future.

Now I know, this sort of ramble can get me flung in the word again, and it would be interpreted as a community worry that I have a mind of my own and understand well now, the machinations of indentured Psychiatrists, etal.

Their workings were done to prove the medical efficacy of my 'diagnosis'; and to prove the inevitable decay of my mind. And the general moral decay and related matters in the community are in no way co-morbid with my empty existence.

I would welcome some chatty persons to join in this conversation, to prevent my strong explanations of things. 

Last night I read a post from stan (think I got that right) here at SANE, and his mind description fits what I have been put through in the last six months.

Anyone want to join in?

I reserve the right to bear resentment. (oops: ward time).

[Stout]

Thanks for the support @OM108

There is not really a lot more I could add. At least not without being asked. But I wonder, is what has happened to me a common occurrence, or is it just me?

SO, i have all the usual's, loneliness, emptiness, things getting worse over time lie stigma and isolation. I consider myself a reasonable person, slowing with age, and loosing the will to do things. This I know is not normal. I should be enjoying the 'golden age'. I don't go out at night anymore, go to no events and wish I had suitable companionship. I try to take care of myself, am physically healthy, and should never in a million years been treated the way I have been. Its like "thats life, get stuffed" kind of thing. Well excuse me.

I find the mental health system deplorable. That is, all the hospital based stuff. Support workers and so-on are good and we need them. I wish I had all the words that family people use to describe their lives. I have little to none of that. Was I exploited as an easy mark? I don't think I should reply to public people here. 

I would like however, to have some discussion about the above, unless there is some kind of worry about legality, the etals, or something.

What has happened to me over the years has been life defining, instead of getting back on my feet and doing well, the opposite has been caused. I am not happy about that.

[Ru-bee]

It sounds as though you’ve been through a great deal @Stout , as @Asgard pointed out you must have some real strength to get you through these experiences. While I hear your understandable anger at this treatment towards you, I’m glad that you’ve been able to step back and recognise that this isn’t okay and it’s not “just life”.
I hope that getting to share your experiences here can make you feel that you’re not alone in this, and give you a safe outlet to express your feelings about it all.

[Stout]

Thanks @Ru-bee 

I'm glad to know this is a safe place. Being targeted and hunted in the community is a mortifying and gruelling experience. Perhaps everyone on the mental health register has been pounced upon.

It's like the sector is for growth, not healthy.

I bet the Cheif Psychiatrist is proud of his MHTs.

At my age, the zest for life can wane anyway. Mine has been assaulted big time. What if my physicality holds out twenty years?

The SPOS would not listen to me, they have preconfigured my future for depots.

But I am trying to evade industry capture.

[lavenderhaze]

Good morning @Stout 🙂

I hope it's okay for me to chime in here 

I'm really sorry you're going through this—it sounds incredibly tough and unfair.

It's good to know you're in a safe place to share your experiences.

How are you managing things day-to-day? 

Are there any moments or activities that help you feel a bit more grounded or in control?