Why do I keep doing this 😭 BPD

[puzzlingdino]

@ray_of_sunshin3 

I'm glad to hear that you and your health professionals have a plan in place to help you access treatment, and that you are feeling hopeful that it can help you manage things better. From my understanding, DBT won't be a 'quick fix', but should provide you with a 'toolbox' of skills that will make it easier to manage those feelings of stress and overwhelm. 

Sending you strength and encouragement for your treatment!

puzzlingdino

[BPDSurvivor]

Hi @puzzlingdino @ray_of_sunshin3 ,

I always found I was my own worst enemy. Those negative thoughts were are vicious cycle going round and round in my head.

Emotional regulation was such a challenge. I would be so happy and elated one moment, and down in the dump the next...all because someone looked at me... or someone didn't look at me.

So yes, like you, I felt I was always derailing myself. As soon as I think I'm okay, negative self-talk came to sabotage the moment...and downnnnnnn I sunk.

I did have a psychologist to focused on elements of DBT and ACT, but ultimately, what I found most helpful (but also the hardest) was group therapy.

In my earlier years, I said I'd NEVER go into group therapy. But when I got desperate and I out of options, I gave in and said I'd give it a go.

Trust me, there were many many tears in group therapy, but the struggle was worth it. I did eventually see a stark difference in the way I approach things. So much so, that I'm always sort of on the positive side now. (talk about BPDers swinging from one extreme to another!)

Anyway, all the best on your BPD journey.

[ray_of_sunshin3]

Thank you for this! I’ve started seeing a psychologist and have been looking up group therapy in my area too.

[LooneyToones]

@Former-Member 

You say you don’t experience BPD . Were you told that by a psychologist? I asked a psychologist if I could have it and he said definitely not. Yet I feel after reading posts there are so many similarities. Eg in family situations if something irritates me i can’t seem to overlook it and finally I explode and it does nothing but ruin the whole atmosphere. Yet I find out later others felt it too but could happily let it go and say nothing. I can see what it does and with most other things I’m very sting-minded but I can’t stop this. Feeling so frustrated and down about it. 

[Former-Member]

@LooneyToones, I'm wondering what you would like to know or why this would be useful for you. I'll share my story, but I want to know if it's the info you're looking for! Let me know if any of this resonates with you

For me, I've got a few people close to me who are diagnosed and I don't relate to all of their experiences. Because I never related to all of their experiences and the BPD criteria, I just never sought it out. I also think my current diagnosis (and subsequent treatment) has really helped! If it didn't, then I probably would have looked for another explanation. 

For example, I was initially diagnosed with anxiety and depression. The usual treatments of therapy and meds just never really worked that great for me. So I looked for another explanation which was ADHD and then autism. 

I think in a lot of diagnoses, there is cross-over. And the underlying cause of symptoms is one of the key pieces of information that therapists look for. Here is an interesting article about it. And also a venn diagram to show which symptoms can be common and which may be more common is some (not accounting for co-occurring diagnoses).

If you're unsure about your diagnosis, you have a right to understand why you've been diagnosed with that and if it doesn't fit, ask for it to be reviewed ❤️ A professional is always the person who can give or review an official diagnosis

[LooneyToones]

@Former-Member  Sorry if I wasn’t too clear explaining myself -heads in a bit of a fog. Perhaps the psychologist was correct and I felt relief at being told I didn’t fit the criteria so held on to that .  Perhaps it cld be complex PTSD as I believe what’s happening now stems from childhood trauma. I was initially diagnosed at 13 after attempting suicide, then endured cyclical bouts of depression for years until I was officially diagnosed some 20 years later. The article you linked to is very interesting and complex and I can see there are definite overlaps which would make it quite difficult to get a correct diagnosis, considering childhood traumas were never taken into the equation. When you present with severe depression and no life details are taken then you get labelled with “depression “ and treated accordingly. Certainly can’t blame the doctors for that.  I didn’t want to open Pandora’s Box but have made the decision to see a GP .. again 🫣 rather than sabotage the one good relationship in my life. Thanks so much for the articles -  I have a lot of reading to do . 😊

[GRiMMiCK]

Why do I keep doing this? Is the ultimate question for BPD people. 

I personally continue to do the same things over and over (fail/disappoint and flee) manic high moods and rapid depressive low moods. Self destruction is very difficult to overcome considering it is years apon years of ingrained habit. No body understands that what's is coming out of the mouth is only a fraction of what's going on in the mind. One thing I can say is what is done is done, we can't change the past however one step forward and 2/3 step back is still a positive move forward no matter how dauntingly slow it may be.

[BorderlineGirl]

I feel u. Any time something bad happens it consumes me and festers in my mind, sometimes for hours , sometimes for days