Lived Experience Forum

[Gillie1]

I had the urge to try and resolve something that would let me keep going. I made an appointment for tomorrow and organised to catch up with a friend and troubleshoot how to talk about stuff. I like to be proactive but it's just too soon.

I don't know if or when I'll be ready or if it's even worth trying. When no one is honest about what is happening there is no path forward. At least I was able to talk it through with someone who gets it. I've cancelled my appointment. I'm trying to keep my options open but it all seems too big too scary too unknown.

Trauma just sits in me these days like a poisonous snake in my guts. and anything triggers it, I have this sense that no professional in my life these days has ever actually met me because they have just met the trauma and the label others put on it. And in meeting my trauma some feed it by not seeing beyond it. But I'm not currently able to function without them. The support workers I have now have been great but I still get a feeling that they have never actually met me for any extended period of time. They have just met my trauma.

One day I would like to say hello It's me under here. Pleased to meet you.

[Kyle1]

Pleased to meet you, @Gillie1 

 

[Gillie1]

@Kyle1 Hello Pleased to meet you too. I like the image very Van Gophy. 

I went looking for a quote today to try and keep me moving forward, Terry Pratchett is my second Bible I think. I'm not ready to move today but when I am how's this?

“Well, I must go. I hope we shall meet again. I will give you some free advice, though.”
“Will it cost me anything?”
“What? I just said it was free!” said Miss Tick.
“Yes, but my father said that free advice often turns out to be expensive,” said Tiffany.
Miss Tick sniffed. “You could say this advice is priceless,” she said, “Are you listening?”
“Yes,” said Tiffany.
“Good. Now...if you trust in yourself...”
“Yes?”
“...and believe in your dreams...”
“Yes?”
“...and follow your star...” Miss Tick went on.
“Yes?”
“...you’ll still be beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren’t so lazy. Goodbye.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Wee Free Men

I don't like the lazy bit but things don't change just because I want them to or because they are easy or because they should. Gotta keep plugging away at it, at life.

How was your day?

[Kyle1]

"Some people dream of success. Others wake up and go to work"

Sounds like what you're thinking??  @Gillie1 

[Gillie1]

I guess so, I think at my stage my future if I want to have one worth anything at all is not about wishing things were different than they are. Because I have no wishes left, I don't feel hope not really, my dreams are in the same state as my crockery. But I still have to get up and just ruddy survive and work and learn anyway. 

[Gillie1]

Silly question considering how often I've been online lately but I still haven't found how you support a post. I'm embarrassed to say it but don't want to respond directly to everything and don't know how to just recognise people's contributions or show support. Where is the support button?

[Kyle1]

Yep... Me, too. Disenchanted. Dispossessed. Dispirited.

Today, I have wallowed. Not physically. I've been busy on the outside, but in my feelings...just wallowing. 

It's a rainy day, and I've not even begun to contend against the elements in my heart. I've simply gone limp like a leaf on the water. It's not been any easier this way, just... the way it is.

I have looked back at certain times of my life and realise some things just fell into place along the way back there...

I'm not expecting anything in particular, but I do know it happens. And maybe for me, maybe for you, some things will once again seem to fall into place without us needing to do much at all! "There'll Be Days Like This"

We don't often see around corners, really.

[Kyle1]

@Gillie1 

to support a post simply press on the support/thumbs up button at bottom of post...

[Gillie1]

LOL, I thought that was one whole link to see who had supported the post. So much for my tech know-how 🙃

[Kyle1]

and just like that, you've had success!

You have to count the little ones, you know? 😉 They add up...

@Gillie1