Moving forward (sexual abuse )

[Zoe7]

You're very welcome @Former-Member. Here for you 

Yes the emotional pain definitely turns into physical pain - I have been really suffering this over the last week or so.

I'm about to start another thread so it doesn't get confused with yours - I am (finally) going to tell my story - I'll tag you in - some of it may be triggering so don't read if it will be - but some may be helpful if you do read it to understand the effects of abuse through my eyes.

[Former-Member]

@Zoe7

So sorry, i'm not remembering anything triggering. sorry! what thread? 

hugs

[Former-Member]

Sure @Zoe7
Well done for deciding to share your story. Ill read it. I might be able to offer some advice and if not im here for you too 💜💜

[Former-Member]

Where do you feel your pain ? @Zoe7

[Zoe7]

@Former-Member I can't remember - I think Am Not Coping - the discussion was about stereotypes and you were talking about what a father had said to his son. I am glad that what I posted wasn't triggering - sets my mind at ease 

@Former-Member I literally feel the pain everywhere - headaches, stomach, muscles etc. etc.

[Former-Member]

Aww @Zoe7 i mainly get it in my chest and stomach. I think my physical problems cause me the rest of my pain but not sure
Did you create your new thread?

[Former-Member]

Yeah @Zoe7, can you please tag me when you open your new thread too?  Thanks.  I hope you are doing okay today.

Hi @Former-Member @Former-Member, not sure I've met you before, but I have been reading your replies throughout.

I am currently stressing myself out because I have my next psych appointment in a couple of hours.  I am typically a mess afterwards (yeah, physically and emotionally), so I guess today is not exactly shaping up too well so far, and only likely to get worse.  Sigh.  

Just hope its a better day for you guys.

[BlueBay]

Hi @Former-Member

I read your post last night but couldn't answer it then.  It was triggering for me but this morning I need to write and let you know.

I am sorry to read that you are struggling with your memories of sexual abuse, but good to see you are safe.

Moving forward after disclosure? - this is a hard question to answer.  For me it was tough disclosing my childhood sexual abuse.  I was in my forties when the memories came back, married with 3 adult children I didn't want this to haunt me.  But it did.  Disclosing this to my husband and children was the hardest thing.  I thought my husband would leave me; but no he stayed.  Then i wanted to tell my parents - what a HUGE mistake that was.

Maybe i need to write my own post - but it's a long story; so in short - i told my parents, my mum is a controlling manipulative person who made sure my dad wasn't home when i went around to tell them.  she abused me verbally and emotionally.  yelling at me saying 'how dare you waited over 30 yrs to tell me, and how dare you tell your sister before me" - those were her words.  After sobbing so much at her not listening to me talk i got up and walked out.   that was 7 yrs ago this week.

(There's more but it would take over your post, so i may need to write it as a new one)

Does it get easier? - I am still seeing a psych and a psychologist for my trauma.  I suffer depression, anxiety, BPD and pstd.  All I can say is that after 7 yrs it helps to know that i am not the only one suffering.  Although there are so many more sufferers out there who are in silence.  I think it takes time; i have lost all faith in family; all trust in family; all love for my family.  No parents or siblings (except one) are talking to me. I have lost a lot from this; my children have lost a lot from this also.

Yes it was embarrassing for me; i felt ashamed at what had happened; but you know we are survivors; we have survived this horrible horrible childhood trauma.  Yes it is hard some days, I wouldn't lie about that; but some days I am okay.  I look at my kids and think - I am lucky.

I really hope @Former-Member that you can get the help that you so need.  Don't be scared, embarassed or ashamed.  It wasn't our fault at all.

pls take care, would love to chat again with you.

Bluebay xxx

[Zoe7]

@Former-Member @Former-Member @Former-Member @Former-Member

Goodmorning to you all 

@Former-Member Same here!!! The pain starts with the tightness in the chest and then I develop severe headaches and stomach pain. That the takes over my whole body and at times I find it difficult to even move with the pain. It really is difficult to explain to anyone who has not experienced it - how all consuming the pain is and that you can feel every single part of your body and don't feel anything at the same time. When the pain gets too intense I shutdown both physically and mentally.

I did start a new thread - I called in What Lies Within... @Former-Member it may not be a good idea for you to read it if you are heading to your psych appointment - parts are very similar to your own story so it may be too close for you today... your choice but avoid if others' stories are triggering  

Will be here for you when you finish your appointment if you need support - I definitely know how much such sessions impact one both physicasally and emotionally and if you can lean on us here to help you through the day then reach out.

I'll be sitting on your shoulder today - holding you up and carrying you through to help find the light again...

Zoe

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Zoe7.  Good point, and yes I will probably avoid it for a couple of days.  Yes I do find similar stories triggering, especially when I am already in a high state of anxiety.

I will think of you during my psych session.  Sitting up there watching over me.  Nice.  Thankyou.