Losing

[Kyle1]

Feels like ive been putting in a big effort over this last year, and in recent weeks it almost looked like it, too. But as much as iron loses a little everyday against the salt sea, I am, too.

I am losing the fight. 

I have recently gone through another episode of d.v. and the trauma I already carried has tipped the scales again. I wasn't ready for that.

I am being made feel its my fault, while i spend every waking hour on edge and trembling, carrying injuries, anxiety, and depression - because i dared care for people other than myself.

I am feeling rather confused, isolated, shell shocked and afraid.

I am still taking my anti depression medicine, and an anti anxiety, too, but it isn't a cure-all. 

I don't know what I need, tbh...just want to feel OK and safe and loved I guess.

[MissA]

Hello @Kyle1 

What you are going through sounds really rough, I am so sorry to read about it. And you're right, meds are not the complete answer. I just wanted to send you kind and encouraging thoughts, know you are worth more than you know and have a special and unique set of gifts and deserve to be happy and loved. I don't have lived experience of DV, but it breaks my heart and I hope you get some more relevant support here on the forum and from others in your life ❤️

[Kyle1]

I appreciate that @MissA  🙏

Thank you for taking time for me.

[MissA]

@Kyle1 my pleasure. Please take care and look after yourself :3

[Glisten]

@Kyle1  It’s so unfair! It seems like the simplest of things to be safe and loved. A basic human right to have a safe place to live.
How someone can take that away from you is beyond comprehension.

I’m homeless and I want the same thing as you 😭

[Kyle1]

hi @Glisten 

And thank you. It is unfair. Yet knowing it's unfair doesn't seem to take it away, huh... 

Gosh. Life can be so impossible sometimes.

I hope you find a home soon. 

[BlueBayou1]

Hi @Kyle1

It's sad for me that you are not doing so well. It reminds me of the motto "Surrender to win". I find that by accepting my depression and anxiety the burden is greatly reduced. Also, it takes time to get the right anti-depressant and anxiety treatment. I reckon it took me at least ten years to get the dosage and medication right, maybe even longer.

Of course you need a professional to help you with this. I have been undergoing psychotherapy with a psychiatrist on and off for many years. At times he has referred me to a psychologist for specific analysis and recommendations.

Sometimes I wish that my depression and anxiety would just go away, but then I wouldn't be the loving creative person that I am. I tell myself that I can't have it both ways. Accept myself the way that I am.

Anyway, that's my experience if it helps.

Take care and don't be afraid to seek help

Cheers

[Kyle1]

hi @BlueBayou1 . And Thank you. 

I will see a doctor today...I'm not sure what to expect at this point. Nothing makes sense anymore. Like the vase on my head, hope has been smashed.

[BlueBayou1]

Sounds like a good move @Kyle1. It sounds to me that you could do with some support. Take care mate. It’ll pass.

[Dimity]

Hi @Kyle1 sorry to hear you're suffering, I hope you find relief. Just wanted to say however that DV is not okay and there are community support lines and help available for that, please don't hesitate to reach out  there especially if/when you're feeling threatened. It sounds as though you've already been injured. -  please take care of yourself and the kids as your top priority.

Hugs to you, you've been battling on so many fronts, and do keep in touch on the forums - I haven't noticed your posts for a while.