I can’t cope

[Captain24]

I had an ACE achievement yesterday

@Jynx @tyme 

Achievement - got up early, sent a msg to dads cousin and took myself to breakfast. 

Connection - Had breakfast with 8 relatives from Sydney and talked

to all of them. I was the only person from here. 

Enjoyment - I had a good time. 

That’s where it ends though.

I have decided that I need to try and pay my house off quicker so I can quit on my job. But it won’t be anytime soon. I wish it was I don’t want to be there anymore. I can’t get another job as I can’t afford it. I need a get rich quick scheme. 

I hope you both are going ok. 

[Captain24]

Here I go. Off to that Hell hole again. My anxiety is sky high. 

[Jynx]

Oh @Captain24!! I thought I'd already missed you! Would have checked in sooner 😞

Sending you ALL MY STRENGTH and a BIG PILE OF FORTITUDE to help you through your night darlin. Hugs hugs hugs! Hopefully catch you Monday! 

AND VERY PROUD OF YOUR ACE!!

🫂🫂🫂🫂 

[Captain24]

I’ll be around @Jynx if you are and have time. If you don’t have time that’s totally ok. 

Work went ok Saturday night but I finished this morning really angry. I’m still really angry 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 oh nooooo angry is no fun. Not more workplace harassment?! Here with ya hun!

[Captain24]

Hey @Jynx 

Im so tired and so f’en angry. So angry. So angry I want to hurt myself. 

I was tired this morning at the end of shift and I asked a guy who had done nothing for 3 hours to go and get a load for me. He said ‘what’s wrong with you and who made you god’  He wouldn’t help me out. 

I had to follow him home we got to the overtaking lane and I blew him off. Then had to try and get myself under control for the rest of the drive. I did my breathing and nearly cried. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 Pfft, what a dumb-dumb, doesn't even know we're all God. 

For real though, that's so crappy hun. Like, you were at the end of your energy and some lazy mook decides to kick up a stink about you making a VERY reasonable request. Very warranted anger. 

I'm glad you got home ok hun... imagine it's been clouding up your energy this arvo tho. Whatchu been up to?

[Captain24]

He was an arsehole about it @Jynx. I could barely keep my eyes open. I would do it for someone. But that’s the part of me that gets used and abused. I hate that I’m nice and considerate to others. I HATE IT. 

I had a couple of hours sleep. I’m watching Australian Idol right now but I can’t calm myself down. The anger is surging through my body. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 oiiiii nah nah nah nah none of that. Put the hate where it belongs. Don't hate on yourself for being, oh I don't know, A GOOD, KIND, MORAL human being, hate on them for being selfish and horrible enough to take advantage of that. Please, never ever de-value yourself for your wonderful qualities. I toally understand that they feel like a curse sometimes. I GET IT. Being empathetic can actually get exhausting. Like legit, it would be soooo much easier if neither of us cared. But then... we wouldn't be here. We wouldn't be welcome in this community cos we'd be those a-holes who don't care about others.

I'm not saying don't be frustrated about it, or upset when people take advantage of it. But words have power, and making the statement that you 'hate being nice and considerate' is the first step to no longer being those things. I would hate that for you, and I think you would too. 

[Captain24]

If I wasn’t  those things I may get more respect from the others other than someone to walk all over. @Jynx I feel like I’m just a joke. ‘Don’t worry Captain will do it’ I’m sick of it. I’m sick of being me.