Feeling helpless

[Chris60]

My first time posting here so not even sure if I’m in the right place   
I have my grandson who lives with me that has bad mental problems    I try so hard to help him but I’m starting to question my own mental health    He is 22 yrs old but it’s like living with a 2 yr old     I’m at a loss atm 

[BPDSurvivor]

That sounds so hard @Chris60 ,

 When you mentioned he has bad mental problems, what are you referring to? Do you feel safe at home?

 Please know you are not alone in this.

[Chris60]

Thankyou   Yes I feel safe, but feel like I am ready to have a breakdown.  Due to past history, his brain does not function well   He suffers from PTSD .    He seems to have no empathy in how I feel and just belittles me at times.   I seem to be hiding in my room all day so that I dont have to deal with him   

[Andrab]

Does he have a parent that he could stay with on weekends or for a couple of nights during the week, as you sound like you need a break from him living with you.

He’s 22, so regardless of mental health issues, he would be difficult to live with.

I hope that he’s seeing a psychologist, which you too should see to get strategies on how best to set boundaries with your grandson and respect.

You’re probably scared to tell him how you feel, so maybe a third party could have a talk to him.

You need a circuit breaker soon, before you become resentful and upset or angry about the situation.

[tyme]

I'm sorry to hear that @Chris60 . You deserve to feel comfortable in your own home. Does he see it as an honour to stay with you? Or is it that he thinks he's entitled to stay with you?

At 22, he may need to consider being independent and this may change a lot of things. Sometimes we protect and protect these young ones, then there comes a point where they need to leave the nest and learn to fly on their own. That's the only way their wings will be strengthened... if you get what I mean.

Please continue reaching out.. at least you will have some sort of connection and support even if things are tough. 

[Chris60]

hi    I’m afraid if I evicted him, he would end up homeless and in the streets and into drugs    As my daughter (his mother ) committed suicide I find it hard to do this to him    His ptsd is from twice having to save his mum at 10 and 12 years of age     And he wasn’t here to save her the last time when he was 13  After this he turned to drugs unfortunately but has managed to stay off them for a while now

I am feeling a bit better today since joining this forum and knowing that I have a bit of support    Thankyou 

[Chris60]

His mother has passed and his father has put a 5 yr restraining order on him   His father or his paternal family has never been any support to him at all     He has basically lived with me for 20 years       My husband passed away in 2012 so it’s been a hard battle since then 

[cherryblossom8]

Hi @Chris60,

Thank you so much for sharing your story. First, I am so sorry about the loss of your daughter and would like to acknowledge what an awesome job you are doing as a grandmother. It sounds like your grandson is dealing with a lot of unresolved trauma at such a young age. You mentioned that he has resorted to substance abuse (probably as a way to self-medicate). Unfortunately, drugs are probably not helping him in his recovery journey. Is he being followed by a mental health team or a GP regarding his PTSD diagnosis? If not, I would strongly recommend that he gets support as soon as possible for his own sake as well as your own. You could probably start by contacting a free community mental health service and they should be able to advise you on how to approach things for you. They might even be able to organise a home visit. Check out this information here:

https://www.mindaustralia.org.au/service-finder

I am not sure which state you are in, so it's probably best if you select your state on that website and take it from there. If you need advice on Victoria - where I'm from, let me know.

Good on you for reaching out to us, you should be able to feel safe at home, so please let us know how you're going in the next little while. Take care 🙂

[Chris60]

Thankyou for your advice      Due to his drug use u fortunately must gps just fob him off     I will most definitely try the mental health help 😁