Over The Edge

[Maggie]

@Former-Member You have done well. 700..WOW...that's alot of reading.

Next the specialist appointment and results.

I know the neurosis well, it's horrible how it messes with our minds. Sorry I can't say much, just want you to know you are not alone.

[Former-Member]

Thank you @Maggie It means so much to me that someone understands neurosis. That in itself helps calm me. So many people I know do not understand it at all. None of them had traumatic childhoods or abuse. They expect me to be coping "all the time" and take it "as that's life". Which is true but as you would know it's not that easy when anxiety is a problem.

 I honestly feel I could beat this against all odds completely if I just had one person who related face to face. Who was there for me that way. Who wouldn't judge me. But there isn't.  I can't tell you how I appreciate your post. I am going to fight this the best I know. I am telling my mind I can do this and my husband will beat the cancer "again". I will have my bad days, as witnessed here, but I am going to fight for my share of happiness. I deserve it. You deserve it too @Maggie.

So many will abandon when the going gets tough for me emotionally/mentally. So I am going to fight for myself now. And you have helped that resolve @Maggie with letting me know that I am not alone. That I am not an alien. That apart from having neurosis I matter too and my pain and distress is no less than having a disease such as cancer. In fact to be honest I would sooner face the latter. 

I hope you are feeling better tonight @Maggie. You and me, we will ge there somehow. Hugs 🤗 

[oceangirl]

Hi @Former-Member 

I have not back read posts yet but wanted you to know that I am thinking of you.

[Maggie]

@Former-Member A realisation that what I/we are going through is normal having come through childhood abuse, has helped me. How could everything just be normal ( whatever that is ) after such a terrible start. I know to well many so called friends who have walked and I have become invisible to them. The only friend I have now is so because I don't share how I am. I have masks so thick and artificial smiles. It's the only way it works in the real world. I'm not an artificial dishonest person, just someone who has learnt that most don't get it, or just don't want to get it. You deserve this dream home. 

Im only learning that what I feel matters, that it's real, and I'm trying to work towards deserving help is ok. It's hard as I've always looked after everyone else all my life. Self care doesn't come easy to abused children. I know the going isn't straight forward and the pits will be there along the way, but so are those times when a magpie sings and the sun set and the daffodils bloom and the stars shine. You are not alone my friend. I have know you for a short time, but you have certainly helped me, your courage and your weakness are all very important. You are important. 

[Former-Member]

@Maggie - I shed a tear over your post. You are right, everything can't be normal for us when coming from a childhood back ground of abuse;-  (in my case) horrific things took place behind closed doors, where there was an attempted on my life etc. No we can't just be normal as so many mental scars are formed, it is a terrible start in life and even though I have improved immensely the neurosis will hound me again when life stresses overwhelm like now. And it does mess my head up. Theres does not seem to be any books or counselling that addresses how to cope with that effectively . So I try and stay as positive as I can, and busy which can at times help a lot. 

People who haven't experienced what we have @Maggie are just not going to get it at all. I think that is why when these scars reach the surface and effects our lives adversely I can feel pretty much alone in it. I don't feel alone when I talk to you. In fact I feel I am sitting down at the table speaking with a loving sister that so "gets me". It is so liberating and refreshing. You can be yourself with me my friend. We would be great friends that would be good for each other  - and we continue to be good for each other here. If I had someone like you in face to face life I would never feel scared. I know I would be understood thus supported at these difficult times as I would understand and support you.

I like you, do have to hide my neurosis when with my friends with a broad smile to keep them. We are so much alike @Maggie. I am glad that I have managed to be strong enough to do that because I value their friendship, but it's hard to be strong "all the time" especially when faced with adversity.

I have just found out that there are some concerning clauses in the house contract. So I have made an appt for myself and husband to see the agent whom looks after the sale of where we propose to live, and ask a few very important questions which he will need to confer with his solicitors on. These answers will very much depend if we go forward or not with the sale. It's still all up in the air. Wish me luck and have a wonderful day tomorrow. I will let you know how I go. Lots of love 😊❤️xx

[Former-Member]

Hi @oceangirl - thank you for thinking of me. I just hope this dream home does not slip through my fingers again and that husband is well and alive to enjoy it also. Not an easy time but just tackling it one day at a time. Hope all is well with you my friend 😊🤗💕

[Owlunar]

Hi @Former-Member

I can't possibly know how you feel - but I do remember how I felt when my son was into SI, SH and SA and was in Juvenile Detention and my family abandoned us and my then-h was not really connected to the situation and I was standing alone sure my son would die - and he did

So yes - facing a life and death situation is hard at any time - but facing it alone is so much harder

We seem to be asked by life to be strong - I just considered that idea - be strong for our children - be strong for our families - be strong for other people

The new idea I just had is that first we need to be as strong as possible for ourselves. We need to put ourselves first - not being selfish in any way - but so we can be in the best shape we can for everyone else

I am reminded of that old song - There's a Hole in the Bucket - when Henry is helpless because the bucket doesn't work and he needs it to be to repair it - as Eliza's completely misunderstanding of the situation is useless. Poor Henry knows the problem but can only fix it if he sorts it out for himself and without help really has to lean on his own resourses

I think that it's in life's emergencies that we learn to find our resources

From the other side of life's major problems I know this is true - and I understand that you are very frangile atm - and I guess - all I can say is that I hear you - which is not true of Eliza regarding Henry's difficulties.

I understand

Dec

[Maggie]

@Former-Member Thinking of you today as you try to sort out things. Will talk later.

@Owlunar I remember that song well. Hope you are ok. How did the biscuits go the other day? I've been meaning to ask but keep forgetting. I found my shampoo in the fridge last night while making a coffee!!!!! Muddling along.

[Owlunar]

Hi @Maggie

I ate all the cookies - finishing off last night - now I have to make some more because they felt a lot more "good for me" than anything I can get ready-made

tee hee about putting your shampoo in the fridge - I have to make a joke about that - were you trying to cool down your thoughts? mmm terrible joke - and you found it when you were making your coffee - I guess you would never found it your bathroom

I am okay - sometime I feel as if I have terminal fatigue - other times I think it's normal at my age - 

Dec

[Maggie]

@Owlunar Yes I get the normal tired for the age ... Life can be so cruel.

Im sorry to hear about your son @Owlunar, that must be so hard to cope with.

The cookies sound good, I haven't used my oven yet!!!! Take care.