Hello my lovelies
Have just returned from my volunteering work and what a wonderful day it was. So good to be back in the land of the living!!! Yesterday I saw my friend and did go to the shops but I was so weak I thought I was going to die. But for the first time in a while I woke up this morning with much less physical pain and had better sleep. And put that new found energy into my work today. And the response from people around me was wonderful. They were happy to see the old me back in swing and the love was thick in the air. There is no mental healing like it.
I am not out of the woods yet though as my daughter is still a serious issue but I am taking @Faith-and-Hope, @Former-Member and others sound advice and putting my focus on my own goals. And having the opportunity today of some peace from grief I took it and but put this advice into practice. And it is working for now. I urge all who suffer depression - never give up. Keep going as it's worth it and there is a reason why we are here. There will be the good and the bad - but those good days and meaningful moments when connecting on a deeper level with others seeking nothing in return - makes all the suffering worthwhile in the end. Somhad to explain in a few words but am feeling the peace today. My insight is starting to come back because I took a leap of faith in the dark....
Thats not to say I can't slip back but for now I feel good so I am embracing the moment.
Faithandhope emotional abuse has horrendous effects. I wish I could stand in between you and your husband and shield you when this happens. You are a wonderful woman surviving a very difficult situation and we will continue to walk with you here. I so empathise as that is partly the grief and mental scars I can carry (emotional scars). I so hope the medical professionals can find enough evidence to further investigate. If your GP etc to find this - would your husband co-operate?
I also know exactly what you mean about the calm before the storm. Not totally peaceful because we know the problem is still there and ticking, but there is some normality and peaceful moments in between. When this is happening my friend grab it with both hands and really savour those moments. And feel how you become more alive. Hold onto this and it will strengthen you when the storm comes.
I personally in those calmer, peaceful moments can see how precious life is, but how that perception can be distorted when depressed or when isolating myself from the world occurs. Keeping busy with postive activities really does help. Together with, as horrible as this sounds but true unfortunately, "moving away from the source of that grief". Moving myself emotionally from my daughter and my own worries through distracting myself. Our minds can be an enemy at times. Although not always easy to do I am working on it for survival.
I do still love my daughter a lot, nothing will destroy that as the bond runs so deep. I never would of imagined that such love could actually be used against me to destroy me. So I must keep my emotional distance somehow. Very difficult. I suppose it comes down to out of sight out of mind? To a point. When one has that type of bond I think it is impossible to be free entirely from grief and the resulting depression. I suppose it's learning how to move forward under the weight of a heavy heart.
Its wonderful to read posts from you @Former-Member. How are you keeping? You said your son was in a foreign country? How did that come about? How are you now?. Again please only answer or talk about what you are comfortable with.
@Maggie - you always say exactly the right thing for me. Just knowing you care and are there is huge when one is so depressed. How was your day?
@Zoe7 - thank you for being there in your own way. I think about you every day and wonder how you are. Always wishing you happiness....you will find it eventually and get there 🌹
I am back at the the shop tomorrow hoping it will be as good as today, one day at a time. Much love ❤️ xxx
