Don’t want to accept the pain

[tyme]

That sounds incredibly hard to sit with. 

I hope you find ways to work through it. I can only imagine how tough having those thoughts can be. 

Does doing something with your hands help? Something sensory? @creative_writer 

[creative_writer]

@tyme I know I’m not I’m not in that unsafe place anymore, but it’s hard feeling it in my body. It still brings up overwhelming emotions. ND are also very sensitive to sensory input.

I have stretchy noodle thingies on my desk. I got them from Kmart. I feel like my family were amused by the sensory toys I picked up with my sister. Maybe ND traits run in my family 😂. It’s hard to unsee it once you do. Have you been assessed for ADHD yet? I remember that you were looking into it

[tyme]

That's the point I reckon. With ND, if sensory input is quite strong, I wonder if you can find a sernsory input that works for you?

As for the ADHD assessment, I'm getting more and more convinced that I have it. I wonder if it gets worse with age? But the last 2 years, I've really felt like it's impacting me. Long story short, no I haven't had the final assessment yet. I've got all the reports from my psych an stuff, but I haven't booked in for the assessment yet. I've got an appointment in May to discuss it with another psych, but I'm not sure if I'm attending yet.

Put it this way, I'm not in a hurry to get any more letters following my name lol @creative_writer 

[creative_writer]

@tyme sensory toys can be calming. I never know what to do with my hands. Sometimes I do the Dino hands, my sister finds it funny.

The possibility of ADHD only came to my professional supports attention last year. I knew I had signs for a long time, but I thought I was too high functioning. I haven’t gotten formally diagnosed with ADHD, but my pdoc thinks I fit the criteria. Though my pdoc thinks ADHD meds are too risky for me, so I haven’t been formally diagnosed. Though I find myself surviving off tea to get through the day. I do need to be careful with caffeine intake.

I also need to get bipolar and PTSD under control because I think that’s just adding to ADHD symptoms. I do have high functioning ASD too, I was diagnosed at 18.

It’s tricky having lots of diagnoses. I do feel like my anxiety and OCD are ultimately connected with Bipolar and CPTSD. Bipolar can make my brain race so intrusive thoughts and rumination can get worse. CPTSD is highly connected with OCD and social anxiety. Though it is still a lot of labels. My new psych mentioned how I have a lot going on. I have wondered if I have AVPD, but I never explored it, I’m also starting to get tired of all the labels. Ultimately at the end of the day my avoidance is a trauma response

[tyme]

Absolutely hear that @creative_writer 

My meds are all balanced and have been for a long time. I wouldn't want anything to upset the balance to the honest...

So just say I find out that I have ADHD... then what?

[creative_writer]

@tyme it’s hard balancing bipolar and ADHD. I do find tea helpful in moderation, but I can’t have too much of that can also disrupt the balance. Too much dopamine isn’t good for migraines and bipolar.

There are ways to manage ADHD in terms of meds and therapy. I do find learning about ADHD helpful because it has helped me become more self aware. ADHD is probably a better label than lazy and stupid

[tyme]

What sorta tea do you find helpful? @creative_writer 

Or what about other herbals? I like T2

[creative_writer]

@tyme I drink matcha and saffron to help me concentrate. It helps with anxiety and migraines too. Caffeine in moderation appears to calm me. Matcha also has L’theanine which some people find helpful. Saffron is a powerful herb and you don’t need much of it.

Herbal tea can help too. I find Chamomile or Chamomile floral blend teas helpful for anxiety. I also find ginger really soothing

[creative_writer]

It's been a crazy day. I wonder if mania can cause someone to have panic attacks, I have been so jittery, agitated and cranky. This isn't the good type of mania. It's starting to settle now, I had to take another PRN. I am grateful that I am responsive to PRN (even if it doesn't eliminate symptoms completely)

[Jynx]

@creative_writer Aww hun, sounds like a rough one!! 

What are your biggest risk factors during mania? Like do you need to refrain from online shopping for a bit? My friend used to cancel her bank cards 😂 Smart woman! Definitely helped with the debt.... I wonder if there's a joke in the bipolar community about a bipolar tax like there is with the ADHD tax lol (which is this, btw)

Anywho... whatchu up to, has the prn knocked you into a more relaxed brainspace?