Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[anon28]

Hi,

First poster here and I don't know really where to start.

I have recently just gone through a breakup with my partner of over 5 years due to dishonesty and trust.

Before meeting my partner, I did make some bad, awful decisions surrounding money with the whole crypto boom that occurred, thinking this was the big break that I could achieve at a young age. Turns out, it wasn't really the big break. I did make a few profits and what, but not to the expectation that I wanted. You could say that I am a chaser when it comes to finding fortune, this also goes with gambling.

Anyways, my partner and I at the start of this year built a financial plan. I was ashamed of my savings and would always probe me where I was at whenever we tracked. I would dodge or lie about the reasons as to why my savings weren't that high or as expected based on our tracker.

I realised that I was getting lost in my own lies which she managed to catch on to which, I don't blame her, had to make the call on this relationship.

Why am I so stuck on constantly lying to people about myself? It has unfortunately cost my potential marriage with my ex-partner and has put me in a world of hurt.

I would like some advise to at least start a recovery plan that gets me better and prevents me from ever hurting another person again through deception and dishonesty.

[tyme]

Hey @anon28 ,

I hear your hurt and your desire to see things change.

After reading your post, I couldn't but help think about WHY you lie. I read it that you lie due to fear, or that the truth will be found out.

I wonder if the work to recovery will be around being comfortable with who you are and allowing people to see your vulnerability? After all, we are all human and all have vulnerabilities. Yet it takes courage to open up to these vulnerabilities.

I'm interested to hear what you think.

[anon28]

Thanks Tyme for the reply.

For me I wanted to make sure that I was seen in a positive light felt like I needed to always put my best foot forward to her so that she wouldn't leave. It was eating me up all the time, one lie after another.
I've come to terms with myself that she would be better off without me but we have achieved so much together also that both of us somewhat want to reconcile.

I agree with the point around being comfortable on who I am and open to people. I have been known to be a harsh critic to myself, I believe is human nature, but I need to start accepting that I have flaws and at least put a plan or a goal to works towards to embrace/strengthen it.