Adult daughter with Borderline personality disorder wont talk to me

[faith1]

I am a mother of an adult daughter with Borderline personality disorder.Any ideas how to restore a relationship once they devalue you?

[Mazarita]

Hi @faith1, as an adult daughter with bipolar 1, I have treated my mother badly at times, including cutting off from her at one long period of my life. I am not proud of it now. The only thing that really mended our relationship was my mother's love and acceptance of me. After our break, she was never angry with me about the emotionally painful things I did, my sudden absence, and to my great good fortune, she forgave me. I am much better treated for my mental illness now and am also in my mid-50s. My relationship with my mother has only improved with time. I wish you and your daughter well.

[faith1]

Thank you so much for your post. This has really helped me. I feel a great deal of sadness and regret as i feel i have let her down in many ways. I have asked her for forgiveness and pray that one day she will do so. Thanks for your response.



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[Former-Member]

Hi @faith1

When you say BPD are you referring to Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or Bipolar (on forum BP)? This might help other forum members in their response. 

Just another tip, if you put an @ at the front of a name as in @Mazarita the person tagged will get an alert to know you have replied to their message.

As a  carer, I am not alone in knowing there were times I could have responded heaps better, but l did the best I could with the resources I had at the time.  Undiagnosed - navigating through the trials of psych meds - confusing times, not only for the patient but for family too. We need to be gentle with ourselves too.

[faith1]

Thank you Darcy.
Yes i am referring to Borderline Personality Disorder and not Bipolar.
I will try to ammend that today.
Thanks for your supportive words.



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[Former-Member]

@faith1 BPD is fine - no need to amend 😀

Even though the people we care for have different diagnoses, there are many similar feelings we have. I will tag you in our virtual "hot chocolate cafe" in the social pages.  The company of those who understand is welcome.

[Twinklelight]

hi @faith1

i have BPD and i have pushed my mum away. at first i thought in my own head it was because she didnt understand me or that she didnt care about me or that she had enough of me and my mental health issues. 

i also have CPTSD, major depressive disorder, cluter B..... mainly BPD and anxiety.

i never thought my mum would understand me so i shut her out. she never seemed interested in learning about my mental health illnesses. so i gave up on her and it felt like she gave up on me.

i was in hospital about a year and half ago and i wa in there for about 2 weeks . i had no messages, no phone calls or no visits from her. which previce times she wouuld call me every day . come and visit me every few days. 

so since then it has felt like she has shut me out. and we still havent mended our relationship. it feels like she wants nothing to do with my mental illness and that makes me really sad. 

im not saying this is your case, but with BPD , we think differently. we think strange things. we think everybody is out to get us. 

i wish i had better relationship with my mum like we use to. we use to be really close. but not anymore. and it hurts so much. i cry about it all the time. i just want my mum to except me for who i am and to love me for who i am. 

i hope this helps you

let me know how you go

[faith1]

Thank you for giving me some insight from your perspective.

Our family love our adult daughter very much and it is just so sad that nothing we can say makes her feel that we care and love her.

We have apologised for the areas in which we have failed and infact we suggested a break for awhile so both sides could regroup.

Unfortunately she now wants no contact. This has been the hardest thing as a parent. We desperately want to regain the relationship but her decision for no contact makes this impossible.

I believe that BPD suffers suffer extreme emotional turmoil and i feel so sad that they have to go through this. As a parent i feel so helpless as she believes we dont care and nothing could be futher than the truth. We love and care for her so much.

[Shaz51]

Hello @SarahJane73

Hello @faith1, @Twinklelight, @Former-Member, @Mazarita