1... 2... 3...BPD and counting

[LovelyBones88]

I am truly grateful and lucky that I have NDIS, Yes they arent sufficient for me who has a Complex mental issues but I can't complain coz so far it has gotten me this far... All I need to know is what else can I do or should give a try just to boost my mood and that would calm my very hyperactive brain... Meditation is really hard for me to do coz also I have what you call a restless leg syndrome which means my legs are constantly moving and has to move all the time... It's hard to concentrate on meditation specially with these very annoying and loud voices who just won't give me a break... I've done DBT 3x but only completed 1. Again DBT got me this far too so my aim is to have any therapy that would give me the tools to use when I need it... I'm sort off reading about ACT and I can relate to most of what's said in that book, still trying to finish reading it..  then there's Schema Therapy, it was said that this therapy does help BPD sufferers but it's hard to find a psychologist who specialises in that as well as Bulk-Billed or under the NDIS... I also heard that Mentalisation therapy works too... 

From Monday, I would have a 24 support from a provider called Nurse Next Door, so basically were trialing them and gathering data for NDIA, were hoping to make some sort of report of this works, so that the NDIA can release more funds for me to access this service coz atm I don't have much in my budget for various services and we've sent a change of circumstances awhile ago and still haven't been approved...

Also, I want to participate in any research study about my mental illness and/or about someone experiencing suicidal thoughts and urges... Do you know any @tyme ? Or anyone else knows anything like that?? 

Thanks again everyone!

[tyme]

I always see them. I'll share them when I see these opportunities @LovelyBones88 

Here's one: https://documents.uow.edu.au/content/groups/public/@web/@project-air/documents/doc/uow276705.pdf

[LovelyBones88]

Thanks @tyme... I'll look into it when I get a chance...

I've been off work since last Monday (not by choice) and I'm feeling very stressed and vulnerable right now..

All different ideas on my head thats not helpful... I'm currently waiting for lifeline to get through to someone... Im feeling so defeated with the idea of this is/will be my last coz I don't want to be here anymore... It is better for everyone when I'm gone... 

I can't help but wallow on these ideas and these strong urge... I won't be going anywhere but where I'm comfortable in, which is my house...

[Ru-bee]

Hi @LovelyBones88 

I can hear how hard things are right now, and I'm really glad that you've been able to reach out to Lifeline today to get the support you need. It takes real strength to reach out like this. I hope you get through to talk to someone very soon, you can always also try Suicide Callback Service on 1300 659 467 

If you feel you are in immediate danger it's important to reach out to emergency services on 000.

Let us know how you go, we're here for you

[LovelyBones88]

TW SUICIDAL IDEATION AND SH URGES

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@Ru-bee thanks for that...and thanks to everyone who contributed onto my post...

I am still struggling coz I am off work since last Monday (they need a clearance for me to get back to work, which they've got last Thursday and Friday,) upto now I haven't have much resolution of it and I don't know how long will I be out of work... So there's that stress then being bored and stuck at home is not helpful either... The more time I have on my hands are becoming more dangerous coz my brain doing head miles with multiple ideas that I can do to hurt or end my life... It's hard to battle everything when the only place I feel safe is taken away from me... If Im still out of work for a few more days, I might not make it til then... 😞

[rav3n]

Hey @LovelyBones88 i'm so sorry to hear about your work, i know that not having access to your safe place can be really difficult, i'm sitting with you and sending you hugs 💗

In the meantime, is there another place (or maybe even person) you can make as your 'safe' space for now? Whether that's reaching out to Lifeline and SCBS, talking to someone you trust (family/friend/professional support,etc) or even hanging out in public places like a cafe during your work hours? We're here for you, and you don't have to go through this alone! 

Talking about those dark thoughts are so important, please don't hesitate to reach out to these services:

Lifeline 13 11 14 https://www.lifeline.org.au/ 
Lifeline Text Support 0477 131 114 https://www.lifeline.org.au/crisis-text/ 
Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467 
https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/ 
If feeling unsafe, please contact 000

It seems like staying occupied with work was helpful, so is there other activity you can occupy yourself with in the meantime - perhaps starting a project, doing some art/crafts, watching movies/shows, redecorating a room, going window shopping, etc. We can brainstorm some other stuff to help you stay safe! You matter to us @LovelyBones88 💗

[LovelyBones88]

I've repainted my door and it's frame plus some side tables last night and this morning... Im running out of ideas as to what else I can do at home... I'm talking to lifeline now and hoping I get some way to get some help... I feel I'm gonna come out empty handed again.. then there's my local hospital, they don't want to help me coz to them all my issues are made up and that im seeking attention only... Hence why I'd rather die than go there.. so it's this kind of things that really deters me from talking to someone..

[rav3n]

that's great you've repainted the door and done some house stuff to keep you distracted, keep it up! i can help you with some more stuff to do around the house @LovelyBones88 good you're reaching out to Lifeline, sometimes just talking is a good distraction, hopefully you get something out of the convo as well this time!

i understand how having those bad experiences can deter from reaching out, but you're life matters so much and there's a good chance it might be different next time. your safety comes first, and i'm so sorry you previous experiences didn't validate your thoughts and feelings. but please don't give up reaching out, im so so glad to see you reaching out in these forums. 

[rav3n]

hey @LovelyBones88 just wanted to pop in before i finished up for the night, hope you're still hanging on and reaching out to those support services. just wanted to remind you that your feelings are valid and you deserve support, you deserve to be seen, and you matter. 💗

here's another task for you to distract yourself with if you're running out of ideas: walk around the house and find an object for each letter of the alphabet. take notes of each object you find (make a list a-z) and then try incorporate all those objects into an artwork (you can either draw, paint, cut out pictures of it from magazines/books, etc). 

thinking of you x

[tyme]

How are you doing @LovelyBones88 ?

We're thinking about you.