Saturday Soiree - all welcome!!

[TAB]

anythings better than nothing at this stage @Appleblossom  yeah not too many options here re opshops, did go to a place that has furniture , staff ok vollies guess outnumbered me 10/1 

[Historylover]

Hmm🤔... it was a bad mum's joke, @Appleblossom.😉

Interesting re the closed church door policy. Sad world we live in. Not everyone is wanting to attend a service. Some are just looking for comfort, direction and an opportunity to pray in a quiet space on their life path. Don't know where I am going with all this, but I'll just follow where it leads. I baulk at unquestioning ritual when I am still working through it all, and the notion of 'forgiveness' also makes me baulk...I want restoration of what has been taken first, otherwise I'd just be setting myself up for more of the same. I'll never allow myself to be vulnerable again. 

Well, another day is upon me, and the first load of washing has just finished. Have a good one! Onward...

[Appleblossom]

@Historylover There are definite limits to the value of being vulnerable ... tho I know Brene Brown's position on it.  I am learning about defences and taking heart from you a bit on it ... so thanks ...trying not to get too defensive ... finding the sweet spot ...

Yes important points about ... people wanting a sacred space for private prayer ...

Re baulking at ritual: as I was socialised very young into ritual ... I tended to go with it ... but I do baulk at FALSENESS in ritual ... it can be a FORM ... to help transition ... mature ... arrange social relations ... so it can have a purpose ... but when it gets into pretentiousness ... not impressed!

I have to find my own way on it all.. did a bit of push back last night at choir practise with church ... they only do it occasionally ... but this time its me cracking jokes (even if they are bad ones  lol)  in choir ... relief at not having to do all the organising ... or the crying ... or the mea culpas ... 

I had a funny coincidence last night ... a fella who has always been friendly ... said I was allowed to say a 4 letter "S***" word ... as appropriate ... to our conversation ...he was telling me about his heart attack ... though we were in Christian choir practise ... we beat around the bush politely and that was alright....it was a sufficient expletive ... to express empathy and compassion to a strong old bloke.

but on Sunday ... a "staff" (different "S" word) was being rude, mocking and reeling another person in to do it ... oh no ... Apple does not approve of church power games ... so I said if you give S*** you get S***. It was about me enabling them to get a grand piano for free!  Then of course I was mortified for being rude ... but there are some definite ... kulcha shifts that need to be made ...

Some people smiled and liked my jokes ... God Help me ...

[Historylover]

Interesting how you remember the detail of what you read and listen to, @Appleblossom. I have a poor memory. I hit my head on the bottom of a pool when I was about 10 and whether that has affected my ability to remember, I'm not sure, but it hasn't posed too big a problem as I remember everything that is of the greatest interest to me, and many things others don't. I seem to have a very selective memory. I once read that concussion can affect the hippocampus and its function in computing maths and reading maps—both relevant to me, but I have little need of higher maths—but whether that is at the core of my memory functioning, I don't know. If so, I have been well compensated for it in other ways.

I'm amazed that it has taken the sporting world to now to understand that head knocks affect brain function. Der!

And body blows affect joints and organs and bones and later quality of life. Der!

[StanD]

Hello All,

Once again StanD is in an unfamiliar place. Perhaps doing myself good by jumping on the forums. Kind of feels like old friends. Even if it's only in my imagination. 

Compartments. 

At this stage I'm using them to function.

I didn't understand lots of what I read @Historylover @Appleblossom @tyme - I have been reading your latest posts to one another. I can't talk about things I don't have experience with.

One day, (not too long ago) I was very sad & desperate. I walked to the local church. I walked around. I peered they the mosaic windows. I thinki I found the house where the pasta (🙃) would live. No access, no people. I knocked on the grand tall wooden doors. Nothing. Well, that about sums it up I thought. All, I wanted was to sit, in a quiet holy space. A space of sanctuary. Was there a God? Could I find her here? I ended up on the concrete steps, vape & water. I begged God to take away my pain. I looked up in the clouds. She was there.

I wasn't saved that day. Maybe, God gave me a distant hug? Maybe I was asking too much. A miracle.

There is simply too much wacky happenings. I could give multiples of experiences. And not only that - I know God. 

Vulnerability. Interesting. What is it? Not the same as being advantage of. Looks exactly the same. Deceiving on the surface. 

Was I too vulnerable?

Too trusting?

Too naive?

Too kind?

Time for a U bolt.

Don't know where I'm going. How to get there. 

I guess I'm already here.

I have depression today.  I don't want or need any kind words. I want to talk to my friends. If they are my friends. And if not, I want to talk. 

I love the female empowerment & all the elements of the super sexy boots clip. 

I didn't like the song @TAB 

It gave me bad vibes. I got anxietys.

I have those boots. You know the ones. CFM"s. I am being staunch & crass now. I bought them from Op shop. $20 for leather boots or $300 from Myer. I can't afford. 

Wow, I LOVE wearing my boots. 

They are not quite right tho.

I NEED the $300 ones to feel right.

Totally changing subject. - I have been working on, this idea, of starting new thread. Apple kinda gave me idea when you wrote, "welcome to the conversation" . Maybe this is the title?

Not my personal thread exactly, like infamous Tabaluga's - but, same as what we are doing now. 

Maybe my OCD? I feel slightly annoyed that we are chatting in Saturday Soiree on other days🗓️

There is a place in my mind where the rivers meet. 

Conjunction, I think.

I have been searching for the perfect word, or scene to describe joining & coming together. Not being the same. Gentle space. Value. Respect. 

I am nature. I feel separated from nature.

P.S I really liked your comment Apple, about being allowed to talk i.e unconvinced I am 'desperate to speak' ...(not being heard) Im swaying your way! 

I needn't ever apologise, or justify myself subsequent.

I can gain stillness in not talking. No matter how much I want too. 

Weird 

[TAB]

wayy to deep for me today @StanD  ..done errands now tired to point of feeling sick. Got to go. 

Maybe try a different church. think open churches you just walk into only on tv these days who knows.

Good to see you thinking. hope someone chats

I;ll be back later on

[Historylover]

Actually, @StanD, I just got home from a search for a church in which to search for meaning, purpose and direction, and to ease my heart's pain. The door was shut. 

It's good to see you back today. You were rather tired a day or two ago.

None of us can talk about things we don't have experience with. On those occasions, I just listen and hope to build up understanding of matters beyond my current understanding little by little. YouTube provides me much to learn from in so many areas, even just to simply enjoy—such as music to soothe our melancholia.

Have to make myself a cup of tea.

[Appleblossom]

Hey Hey its Saturday! Never really watched that show ... lol

@tyme @Historylover @TAB and all

@StanD I really loved your last post.  You wove all sorts of genuine experiences, impressions and thoughts into it that did relate to @Historylover and my conversation. 

and also ... financial relevance ...

I had a similar pair of boots from opshop! ... some guy ... called them ... F*** M* boots and I stopped wearing them and recycled them to opshop again.  Yeah one word, one pic, one link can generate lots complexity.  I often find aggressive music rattles me ... so rarely listen ... or have it really soft... ha ha ... then I can hear something old nostalgic ... without all the noise.

I have 40 year old boots I bought new at Vic Market cos it was on booklist for uni field trips.  I still wear them occasionally for long walks.  They are oldschool, a bit heavy and need thick explorer sox.

[tyme]

Hey @Appleblossom @eth @Historylover @TAB @StanD ,

Great to see you all!

As windy as it is outside, I'm sitting in a sunroom with the sun glaring onto me... it's soooo warm and lovely.

[Historylover]

Nice place to take refuge from that blustering wind outdoors, @tyme. The sunshine is lovely.