Coming to terms with reality

[eudemonism]

@Former-Member

Im going to be giving up smoking again. And i am really disappointed with the fractured health system not working with me as soon as possible to deal with the changes that happen to me once i have give up coffee and cigarettes. It begins totally bombing me out. And leaving me high and dry with no other options. As a patient of 12 years. I would officially classify the mental health system as broken and very deceitful in their ways.

I am questioning what the point of trying to help myself is. Example. Go to uni. Give up smoking and coffee. Exercising. Doctors appointments. Ringing the nurses. Seeing the psychiatrists. Etcetera. Getting a job volunteering. All those sorts of things. There not much motivation for me really. I mean what is there at the end of all this stuff for me? A better life? Health? Happiness? Im a bit uncertain of these things becoming true. And even changing anything about my life or my thoughts or feelings.

No matter what i do. It probably wont change the big problems im faced with? Can you shed some light on this for me?

Eude

[eudemonism]

@Former-Member

I want a medication change. As soon as possible. So i can start moving forward again things have changed. Times are different. My goals have changed im on a different path now. Im going to be making all this stuff happen for myself. And where is the support of the professionals? Who make it all happen? Do they just expect me to like it or lump it? And suffering from medication side effects that disable me? Do they expect me to do it all on my own?

If its not about power and control and assertiveness. What is it about? Im at the same old fork in the road. Dozens upon dozens of times each day. Nothing to do. Restless. Not really wanting anything to do with anyone. But feeling very lonely.

You know.stuff like having motivation to go walking in the mornings and afternoons. Motivation to eat healthy foods. Will power to stop smoking. Manage coffee or stop. Not drink to much alcohol. Not do drugs. Exercise. Work. Build a career. Find a partner. Rebuild better relationships. Build the life i want. It is all effected bye medication. And im doing all of it on my own.

Eude

Sorry for venting.

[Former-Member]

Hello @eudemonism

sorry for late reply..

went to visit mum at nursing home...she not too well...said worried about my sister..

eventually got out of her sister being tested for possible bone marrow blood issues..possible leukaemia ...

eventually got hold of sister on our way home..turned back and went to see her..home just before 8pm...waiting on blood results from interstate..

can you go back to go and state you want to try different medication...see new psychiatrist if you don't like old one..you need to be monitored if changing medication..

also vital to tell go giving up drugs  coffee  cigarettes..these will all have withdrawal symptoms...won't be easy ..but if you want it badly enough you can do it..will take time..meditation

if motivation lacking.. Try one small goal for next day..

keep record of what goal is.. Did you achieve it..

end of week can see what you have done....keep a record...

save money spent on tobacco..watch it build up..keep in safe place though..or keep it in bank..

when you see what you are achieving this will help mindset..

does that make sense? Small goals add up become closer to bigger goals..

tell me tomorrow what small goal is for that day..

I will tell you mine..

goodnight sleep well

mohill

[eudemonism]

@Former-Member

Im sorry to hear that your mum is not doing the best and is worried about sister. Old age is a daunting thought at the best of times. Even when everything is going good. Unfortunately it happens to all of us.

How are your elder friends going? I myself have a few older friends. They live close bye and have always been there for me. I used to visit them all the time. But not so much anymore. Have become rather quiet really. And only socialize when really feel up to it. Plus. Dealing with people is difficult.

Just dropped car off at the workshop. I wrote a list. Brakes. Front suspension. Lower and upper ball joints. Get front passenger electric window working. Regas aircon. And get window washers working. And motor running a little rough. I paid in advance 1k. So 😧 the joys of owning a car?

Got book shelves set up. In hallway and all books are in their place. So now i can start collecting books from the Internet. And the book shop down town. Im thinking stuff like poetry. Philosophy. Nature. Religions. Languages and cultures. Sound good? Its half novelty. But oh well.wanted to achieve this for along time now.

Fridge and freezer due to be delivered tomorrow morning. So next pay i will buy some stuff in bulk. And be able to plan ahead more.

It all seems vein and futile when i dont have someone else (a partner ) too live for. In my life.

Seen doctor. And he made sense. But i got what i expected. Ideally i would be concentrating on my art. Writing. And music. And video and photography. And being self employed. Doing unpaid work. And enjoying my life. Along with blending it into a much more rewarding lifestyle. You know. Outdoors. In nature. Flora and fauna. Adventuring. With other people more often. I yearn to be with a partner. But have this split mind mentality. Which is extra intense because it involves another person's thoughts. Feelings actions and life wellbeing and so on.

I can be unemployed. I can be on medication. I can suffer from mental illness. I can be on the support pension. I can be in supported housing. But what i cannot do is sacrifice my full potential. All the normal stuff is too hard.

Eude

[Former-Member]

Well done for getting your bookshelves set up @eudemonism. Have fun collecting your books! It will be great to have your own little library

[Former-Member]

Hello eude

I am thrilled to bits that you now have a bookcase...

I currently have mine in storage..

For me a bookcase makes a place more homely...a sense of comfort..

I love books....old books..children's books...I still have many of my son's books in storage..

my older son takes after me he too is a lover of books...

you can find some excellent choices in antique places...second hand shops and of course second hand book shops..

poetry ..excellent idea...I found a book of poems by Shelley when I was in Uk..

are you a person who likes a very neat bookshelf?

I am a bit random...

Imusually keep reference books...non fiction together...gardening books...

then sections for children's books....

nature...different cultures...I have an interest in North American Indians... Also shamanism.. Yes philosophy..some psychology...

you are Going to have so much fun ...a new interest for you...

fridge and freezer coming soon....stocking up on healthy food...perhaps the odd dessert laugh..

you can do some experimenting with cooking

I am a firm believer in...if you respect yourself...learn to take note of positive self talk..tell old patterned talking yes can hear but that is all in past now...

believe in yourself most important...accept yourself and do not change to make others feel better...

this opens up opportunities for meeting new people...won't happen overnight...require strength of character which you do have...

keep talking on here..

did you get referral for psychiatrist to look at other medication options?

speak soon

[Shaz51]

Well done for getting your bookshelves set up @eudemonism.

what kind of books do you enjoy

Hello @Former-Member, @Adek, @Former-Member

[eudemonism]

Thanks @Former-Member

[eudemonism]

Hi @Shaz

I enjoy collecting and hoarding books more then anything. And the more interested in the topic i am the better. Sometimes they are considered a throw away item bye some.

Eude

[eudemonism]

@Former-Member

The doctor brushed any ideas about medication off. And really didn't seem too interested in what i had to say. He appeared to know it all. And not be able to look at things from my prospective. But referred to needing psychotherapy which his wife could offer. Bit of w closed circuit. Im going to be going to a different doctor from now on. As i have never really liked this guy as a person or a doctor. He more or less coward punched me in the terms of medicine.

Eude