Coming to terms with reality

[Former-Member]

good morning @eudemonism

are you ok?

you said you had an eventful day with lots happening?

do you want to talk about it?

mohill

[eudemonism]

Hello @Former-Member

Yea i sure would. Lots happening and not much time to comprehend it. Really needing a break. As apart of feels I'm being lead astray. No pros. Means no cons type of thing.

Eude.

The sit there and think about it. Or decide later. Can be excruciating to go through.

Am busy at the moment. But will talk with you later. Have a complicated scenario on my hands.

[Former-Member]

hello @eudemonism

I have just logged back on and received your response...

so I will stay logged on....

if I don't get back to you straight away...it is not because I am ignoring you or not wanting to listen....

I might just be busy elsewhere...

talk when you can....

keep on believing in yourself...you have come a long way in these few months on here....you are a good person ...try to hang onto that if hearing any negative comments...

[eudemonism]

@Former-Member

Well mohill i have been dealing with perceived risk and danger of people from the crime world coming to get me. Triggered off bye recent contact with people. -been happening for many many years. -am i only the only one going through this? I doubt that very much. -why do i think this way? Perhaps because of the period of life i went through when i was enraged. I blamed. I sought revenge and vendetta for what had happened to me (not being wrapped in cotton wool (was unwell ). -has any fears ever come upon me? No -can you put together a picture of all the other details? At least try too. (The things fear does to one? Then, u get told. Medication is protecting me ). -have people planted seeds like the bean stalk in my mind to gain power and control of me and get me battling the giants? Yes. Indeed. It happened just today. Is this making sense? (People i think i need! People i feel socially jeopardized without ) people who bludge and lie )
I know whats going on. And why people are doing what they do. Its doing something about it that really gets on my nerves. Speaking my mind. Putting people in their place. I'm aware of this so i try not too do it too others. Try not to provoke negativity onto a person unless they do it too me. Or my loved ones. Its like a game of ping pong. And i got too choose my battles wisely. And have options and other stuff going for me. Which means I aint socially trapped.
Some people are worth it. And some people are not? It grinds me down and creates huge stresses and pressure on my. Loads me up with burden. And, i suppose it is apart of functioning. Meaning it is a world wide. Nation wide problem. And is at the centre of lots of people's social lives. This is why genuine relationships are so important. This is why i isolate myself so much. I suppose being able to handle it and move on is a sign of wellness.
Tall poppy syndrome. I compared it to jack and the bean stalk today.

Eude.

[eudemonism]

@Former-Member

For example. People trying to shame and embarrass me so i change in away that suites them. Through laughing at people and making jokes / fun about them when they should be worried about themselves. And they did it too my visitor today.

It's because they compare their lives to mine and feel insecure. Then dig at me for it. If i didnt stand my ground they'd walk allover me.

Stressed me out big time. Basically they are just fellow patients. Who the psychosocial rehab officer set me up with. And the mental health team had something to do with also. Now I'm sick of it. And wanting something else.

I mention something to him. And he goes all. Oh I'm sorry. And makes me feel like it's my fault. Then i feel bad then it's back to the same old thing.

Frustrates me hey. Big time.

Eude.

[Former-Member]

@eudemonism

That does sound like you have been through the mill...tough day..

negative thoughts about the past recurring is hard..You are doing the right thing ..you are acknowledging them and talking about them...

as for the person who derided another at your home...you have every right to be angry...that is disrespect towards your visitor and yourself..

regardless of who introduced you..yes your voice to assertively and calmly tell that person that you no longer want anything to do with them..you have already given him chances before...yes?

as for the mental health worker sounds like that person feels embarrassed and unable to handle the truth ...do not let either of these people who have their own issues affect you any more?

You can get through this..Now tell your mind that you have already spent too much time and emotion on this..time to move on..you are not listening 

give your dog and cat a hug and tell them how important they are to you...you are very important to them..they would sense your feelings..they will help calm you..animals are better than most humans in this way

[Former-Member]

@eudemonism

Just read my response and it might come across the wrong way

The part about   You are not listening is for you to stop the thoughts

silly iPad playing up

please take care

rest  up and try and have a good night sleep

wont be back on until either very early in morning or tomorrow evening..

You can still leave me messages though

[eudemonism]

@Former-Member

In all honesty. I think it is a case of social and emotional issues caused bye a head injury. Combined with my illness and medication. Plus. The reality of what people are like and the expectations of what i expect people to be like. You could say i lived a sheltered childhood. Is this similar as too what you see your son going through?

I tried to hang around people who would build me up and not expose me to things which trigger fears. But it always seems to find me at some stage or another. Plus. I got stuff going on which makes me prone to these things. Dsp. Meds. Gov housing. Mhi. Unemployment. History of drug addiction. Alcohol use. Cigarettes. Etc. Its reality i suppose. And i figure you can take an educated guess. About the big picture. And what its really like. Plus considering the many others out there in similar situations.

And the system. I tried to work with them and change my circumstances but it didn't work. Now i resent what my life is. And have to like it or lump it. Gave it a good go but didn't work out. I do not have a choice really.....

Any thing I'm doing to try and turn my situation around. Provide a service to society through writing. Could essentiallybe legally being stolen from me and there literally nothing i can do. How heart breaking? All my hard work and effort taken. And nothing returned too me? There is cases of this through history which were really high profile cases. And i am fearing i am one of them in progress.

I'm quite messed up really. I am struggling with quite a bit of stuff. Can't function real well. Hahaha.

I winge and moan when things get under my skin. But ultimately. I'm theonly one who can do anything about it. Hyper sensitive perhaps?

Eude.

[eudemonism]

Page 2 of my poetry book is complete @Former-Member

[eudemonism]

Going to get a printer @Former-Member and print it out page bye page. Been wanting to do this for along long time. Finally coming true. So proud and happy with myself. Such a bright future to look forward too.