Coming to terms with reality

[eudemonism]

People will and do rub off on others they are around. And more often then not its a toxic scenario. For the one whos trying to hrlp their selves and change their ways. Socialising is torture!

[Adek]

Touch...N Go
Touch...N Go
Touch...N Go
Do not linger...

Thats how i do with people @eudemonism. Even with the closest of friends and family members... i meet them just once a month and never get too close with anybody. I feel...this has been my most reliable defense mechanism to armour myself from being discovered or critised or taken advantage of. Pretending i am okay is easier..than having to explain to everyone why i am not.🦄

[Appleblossom]

There is wisdom in doing one's own thing. @eudemonism Glad you are not too bad, considering ... Socialising has been torture for me too.

I did a bit of my thing today and my son came. We had a picnic and a lovely walk in a local gorge.

For a weird reason I have been caught out with the "open book" or "heart on my sleeve" style.  I have been thinking I need to be more guarded, so I will remember that 'Touch and go' phrase. @Adek

[eudemonism]

Yea @Adek i like your "time to give, time to take, and me time " scenario. And there's another one. "Touch and go" im withouta doubt very needy and clingy when it comes to relationships. Also very defensive. Very easily upset. Expect a lot. And very easily unsettling bye relationship problems. Even if its just all in my mind.

[eudemonism]

And @Appleblossom i suffer from singleness. And have no dependants. And feel that all my relationships hang in the balance of too much or not enough. And can be easily jeopardized and can come under scrutiny at any time. Which is caused bye myself as a result of the other parties actions. So in a sense im always trying to make it work.

[eudemonism]

Good morning @Former-Member thinking of you!

[eudemonism]

A lot of what I write about comes from an internal mental prospective. And i can either let it get the better of me or write about how i defuse it and overcome it. Cause basically its all unproven and just mental stuff.

[Adek]

I was in 2 marriages before @eudemonism. The first..i let myself being governed by my partner..till i lost my identity. Second was polygamous which i was being left on my own most of times i became almost independent. The emotional support i needed...i
gained it through CBT sessions with my therapist balanced with spiritual enrichment and practices learnt from the scholars i frequented...6 yrs now.

I believe..these 2 contradicting experiences with 2 different spouses was a blessing in disguise that led me into finding my true strength. To me now..every person are like trees in the forest...i see them while trailing past the woods...inhaling the oxygen they emit while trying to understand why each grows the way they are..either tall and strong, creepy, climbing etc..but i know they wont affect me...cuz am in my own journey..towards eternity.

May you find your truest inner strength and live a life full of wonders and discoveries..within and around you..

🌴🌲🌳🌱🌵🌿🍀🍂🍃🦄

[Appleblossom]

I lived alone for a few years before I married and have been without a partner for 16 years. So I know what it is like to live a lot of the time with myself for company and it often becomes a lot of time in one's head. 

@eudemonism This thread has been good in lots of ways.  We come from different points of view but the interweaving is helpful ... I think?

There has been more company for me on this forum during the last 2 years than at any time in my life.

I hope @Former-Member is alright.

One marriage was enough for me. Not saying never, but in no rush.

@Adek That is a lovely way of putting it ... we are all on journeys to eternity.

[Former-Member]

@eudemonism @Adek @Appleblossom

interesting that you have been talking about marriages.....relationships

we went to the city for our anniversary...did some lovely things....not having to rush....not having to think about long drive home....nice

yesterday we left motor inn and went straight home...we had planned to do more....I came down with the dreaded virus on the sunday night

have had to postpone heart echo sound due this thursday until next week....that is ok though..just frustrating

I think that you have been talking about trust....that is what I read between the lines...vulnerability

@eudemonism you talk openly about your feelings...experiences....this will help you

I am sorry but I have to get off the computer...really don't feel well....will catch up in a couple of days or when feeling a bit better..thank you all for thinking of me

take care my friends