Coming to terms with reality

[Adek]

Is it bradycardia since u r putting on a Holter monitor? Ex was scheduled for Holter monitoring too last month but he purposedly skipped it, won't take anymore diagnosis after his bypass surgery i guess, so doc just meddled with his meds..looks like its working for now...no more fainting.

Its freedom of choice. Nobody can be forced into doing or taking any treatment or idea if he refuses. We can only try our best and not going too hard on ourselves either. Two more newborns in the family also with heart issues.. backflow. One just had surgery.. another is scheduled sometime soon. So @Former-Member.. this is life and its cycles. We just get by and try our best..hoping after hardship will come ease. Despite that gloomy reply u managed to make me gigle though😂

Take care.

[Adek]

Btw @Former-Member what is bcc? I just recalled the thinned ozone layer over Australia when u mentioned so much about skin cancer and melanoma but bcc sounds unfamiliar. Then..i also wonder if the walks are doing more harm than good? Perhaps.. the motorized treadmill indoor like we do here is an option...

[Former-Member]

thanks for reply @Adek

afternoon out in sun with friend yesterday I enjoyed....lovely to see her enjoying release so much as well

took mum down to watch ocean this afternoon...she doesnt like getting out of car but we watch waves and all people walking past.....one man with dog came over and talked to us ....dog wanted a pat...beautiful boxer

a busy day out was good....not feeling so gloomy now just distracting myself

walking is about connecting with nature for me and all animals etc in area...these days called mindfulness...in my mind just something I have always done laugh

what did you do over the weekend?

I have read the religious side of your life what else do you get up to in your free time?

[Adek]

I guess i hardly have free time now. My monthly schedule is always filled with spiritual development activities nowadays either giving-taking or me time. I've lived my life to the fullest i think..15 yrs of studies, 15 yrs of teaching and been travelling local and abroad during our working days..east and west..loved outdoor..hiking, jungle trekking, paragliding, jet skiing, snorkelling, horseriding, i love long distance driving, beaches, bike riding. When i dont travel...its brisk walking every weekend at the lake, swimming in the pool downstairs, aerobics classes, yoga classes every other day rotation, movies, kareoke, snooker, archery, table tennis...thats been my activities until i was down with SLE and later fibromyalgia. So since then..most of my activities will be indoor...i drive only door to door cuz the sunlight hurts and its one of the flare factors thats been limiting my activities.

In my faith...after 40 is the crucial time for reflection, spiritual development, charity, religious activities and the like. So i am spending most of my time for that now be it with myself...family...charity groups or doing my parttime job. This weekend i was scheduled for a 2 days seminar outstation but i was down with mense cramps i cancelled my registration and enjoyed my me-time when i'm up to it.. reading and had a couple of online classes, lunch with son.

Tomorrow and the whole wk will be really busy..2 hospital appointments, 3 alternate nights driving outstation for classes, visiting mom, visiting 2 scholars, some charity work and the list continues til month end. What did you do before u retired? Being a teacher i am knowledge oriented..so u see..retired or not am always hooked up with classes and loving it 😁

[Adek]

I'm not sure about Christian @Former-Member cuz as far as i know..for u..the religion is a separated aspect of life but for us...religion is our way of life. Theres history, legal obligation, laws regarding marriage, commercial and civil acts and dealings, distribution of estates, criminal law, science of spirituality, moral practices, the Quranic recitation, Quranic memorisation, Quranic exegesis, Quranic verses pondering methodology, the Prophetic narration, arabic language and grammar etc etc etc and each is taught in different classes, by different scholar.

Since i was busy learning and teaching biology before 40..spending time on fieldwork getting to know human system, plants and animals and their life cycles, anatomy, physiology etc, i have a lot to catch up on my own 'way of life aspect' now..getting to know myself, history and purpose of my being in life. Perhaps...if i had learnt it earlier during my teenage years like my younger brother and sister did...life would have been different for me.

So if u ask something else i do besides the religious side of my life...actually now i am learning LIFE itself. Hope..i answered your question.

[eudemonism]

Hi @A2Z meddling and interfering? what i meant was. After all this professional involvement in my life or religious involvement. I have basically hit a plateau and cannot really go anywhere else from here. And it all comes down to me from this point onward. I have suffered greatly in my life and i suppose you could say it has all come down to prospective and attitude. My mental health issues have been strongly revolved around the nature of guilt, shame and embarrassment of my actions. My conscience, inner voice or spirit. ((Whatever you want to call it ) and it damaged and scarred me. Then it gets called a mental illness and everything that comes with the label happens. And i get lead to believe there is something wrong with myself. When i actually think it is the world and reality that is the problem and has caused the problems. Either way, medication settles me down and gives me something else to worry about.

What is best for me? I want to reach my full potential and do well for myself. Live a good life and be happy, healthy, content. And feel satisfied and complete. Have meaning and purpose. Have everything i need and want. Be a good person. And so on. Be goal driven and achieve the goals i am setting for myself. Be in control of my thoughts, emotions and actions so it points me in the direction i am wanting to go.

I would love to say everything is fine and dandy. But it is just not so. I drink coffee. I smoke cigarettes. I drink alcohol. I use drugs from time to time. I am constantly medicated and they all go hand in hand. And i have many other bad habits that i am only just getting on top of. (All the usual stuff ) relationship problems. Bitterness. Anger. Resentment. Jealously. Covetousness. Social anxiety.

Does it all sound like typical stuff?

[Adek]

That sounded like the heavy stuff shared by our brother from US @eudemonism. He too..at one point in time was struck by shame, guilt, remorse but sought solace, repentance, new mindset and meaning in life from reflecting, reading, learning, being knowledgeable and mixing with the right people, positive people that uplift his virtues and spirits. Its like shutting down some doors for good, and entering new doors that lead to different worlds that have never been explored. An emigration in the cause of his Creator. Done that too..in order to move forward...

[Former-Member]

@Adek

bcc stands for basal cell carcinoma....non melanoma cancer....I have a pearly coloured spot that has changed....have moles so have seen skin specialists before....it will probably be removed...is on my face...

I flapped internally....(programmed learning of keeping my feelings inward since a child)..reacted as close friend has melanoma cancer on the brain....melanomas have been removed from his face....he has had treatment ...not doing to well at the moment

your life certainly has been interesting....do you give presentations about determination, stamina,perseverance?

Written an autobiography?

my life pales intensely in comparison......through no fault of your own I feel even more that my life has been wasted and feel so angry with the depression etc.

I realise that this sort of reaction...whilst I need to acknowledge that it is real and a part of me....I want to change my thinking...a perfect opportunity to work on ....living in the now!

thank you Adek ...as I have said to you before you are an inspiration.

@eudemonism your last post was a  clear, articulate piece of writing covering major aspects of your life that have affected your mental health, lifestyle and relationships.

I thought that Adek's response matched your internal questioning of self well.

I hope that you don't feel that I am diverting the subject away from you.

[Adek]

@Former-Member the director of a care centre in singapore who came for our group counseling and story telling session here last year did encouraged me to write..autobio or by short chapters..sharing the journey i've came through. I have even considered doing so and signed up for writing courses organised by a renowned writer in the country. However...since he is making somewhat a road tour for each state for that purpose..the dates clashes with my schedules. So..as for now..am not really into that idea just yet considering multitasking will give me a lot of stress.

[eudemonism]

Hi all, just popping in to say hello. Have been thinking about sourcing myself a dozen or so books which can be my turn to support mechanisms. And have been thinking about giving up cigarettes. Becsuse i don't like glorified drug dealers and their taxes. All is well. I'm safe, happy, content, healthy, satisfied and complete in my own kingdom. Unfortunately cannot say the same for the world out there. That's where problems are.